Though I often disagree with the advice I do sometimes follow it… I’m planning on asking the doctor about how I can go about not checking his windows - about what to do if the flatmate tries to force me to do it…
My boss can also be pretty scary but that doesn’t mean I’m literally in danger of being hurt.
Though he doesn’t sound like a good father he is a father now. He can be pretty thoughtful though. e.g. about the soup
He has a lot of anxiety. He didn’t want to see the baby being born because it would “freak him out”. He told his wife he doesn’t want another baby because he “couldn’t handle it”.
BTW when he argued a bit with his uncle he just left without calling him names, etc.
Don’t bother the doctor about the window checking. Tell the doctor about the baby. The fact that this man is concealing the baby’s existence from the doctor who monitors his mental health issues is a big red flag that needs to be addressed. Tell the doctor about the baby.
I too vote for telling the doctor about the baby.
Due to your complete lack of experience (which you’ve mentioned more than once on the boards here) you’re strictly guessing at what things will be like if/when baby and mom come home - she has never had a baby before. He has never been a father to a tangible thing separate from his wife before. She may have post-partum depression for an unknown length of time and not be able to emotionally support him (and she’s his carer as far as the gov’t is concerned, right?). He may need to exhaust himself supporting her mentally AND physically as she’s not only had a major surgery that cut through her abdominal muscles but I’ll lay you odds she’s not resting well or healing quickly while in hospital worrying about her 1.5 months premature baby.
Usually, the first time a baby’s shaken or hurt is the offender’s first time doing so and can still be fatal so easily. Mom has to sleep some time and if her husband insists on sleeping next to her and if mom decides to co-sleep w/ baby her husband may feel pushed away; extrapolate that out by several days in a row and he’s so frustrated he can’t think straight.
And you want to tell the Dr about the WINDOWS?? Reexamine your priorities as a decent human person and not a narcissist.
Just tell him everything you’ve told us. Let the doctor himself judge what’s important and what’s not.
Or just talk to the doctor about you: Say “I’m wondering how I will handle the changes in the household when my flatmate’s newborn child is in the house. The noise at all hours, increased mess, etc. Is there something I should do to prepare for this?”
“Oh, you didn’t know about the baby? Well, his wife is due on X date, and she’s clearly showing her pregnancy. I think the baby might even come earlier.”
This way, you have only talked about yourself & your situation, but the doctor now knows about it, and should take appropriate action.
And mention the voices Roommate is hearing to the Doctor. Maybe a change in medication would be beneficial, but the Doc won’t do that unless he knows about it.
After giving the flatmate the “Batman v Superman” DVD I bought him (he asked for it as a way of celebrating the birth of his son) I asked him about the doctor. I asked him if he’s told him about the baby yet and the flatmate said that he’s going to show the doctor a photo of the baby. My appointment is after my flatmate so I can check to see that he does do that. It makes me doubt that the reason my flatmate didn’t mention it involved him being worried that he would lose some access to the baby.
You know I can talk about multiple issues in my visit like I’ve done before. And these 2 issues are related anyway (both about my flatmate). It would be good to finally get an expert opinion on the window issue from someone who is pretty familiar with my flatmate’s mental health issues. If I don’t ask the doctor about the window issue this time it will be in another 4 weeks.
BTW when I left him just then he said “I’m going to tell Dr X on Wednesday” even though we had been talking about other things.
But she is a qualified child-carer and worked in a semi-senior role in a child-care centre that even looked after young babies. She told me that their policy was that you couldn’t give the toddlers time-outs - you could only redirect/distract them. But she said that she if she had a child she would spank it (perhaps because she’s a Christian). BTW we not only have the support of my wife’s mother (who lives a few blocks away and is currently raising a nice teenager and has had 7 children of her own), the baby’s mother’s mother has been visiting a lot and the mother’s aunty and uncle get involved quite a bit. (Though the flatmate gets into arguments with his mother in law sometimes)
Five of his siblings have had children - but not my wife (and she points that out to me sometimes).
If she has problems with the child that will give me ammo whenever my wife suggests that she should have a baby. Lately she has said that she doesn’t think she is up to being a mother though (due to her anxiety problems).
Yes.
I think she is less worried now since she knows the baby is healthy and well looked after now. She got quite worried in the past. Her mother is staying near the hospital and visiting her a lot. Her mother is very talkative and can be very negative though.
Like I said when he gets stressed he asks for help (unless he’s in an argument) - often multiple times just to be sure. If the baby won’t stop crying I thought he’d ask the child-care expert, not stupidly shake the baby.
“Really scary” is different from “pretty scary”. And my boss is “pretty scary” in exactly the same way that my flatmate is. When my boss is angry at someone I feel uncomfortable. e.g. he’s fired people and didn’t want to hear their explanation - he just wanted them to leave, etc.
As far as the voices go, I’m sure the doctor would suspect he’s hearing voices - in fact the doctor has asked me many times if I’ve heard voices even though I don’t have schizophrenia (I have schizoaffective disorder) and I tell him I’ve never heard any voices. His voices are weird though - in the past he used to get his wife to pray that he can have a cigarette (because the voices didn’t want him to) But I could tell the doctor about his voices anyway…
Tell the GP about the baby, and also about the voices.
You have a potentially very dangerous situation there. You really MUST tell the doctor about the baby.
Look dude, quit with the passive-aggressive tap dancing. Tell the doctor there is an infant in the house. The doctor, knowing three out of four of you, can then follow through as he sees fit.
This is IMPORTANT. Tell the doctor there is an infant in the house.
BTW the baby will probably only be coming home in about two months. It is currently about 1.5 kg (3.3 lbs)
Your best bet in no longer having to check car windows is to tell your OCD boyfriend that spiders are coming out his butt.
Does anyone else feel horribly sorry for the new baby?
OK, so you don’t like confronting him, you can’t ignore him, and you don’t want to tell your doctor about his looniness because you’re afraid he won’t tell you his secrets anymore. You really really really really do want his attention, don’t you? Your relationship is a somewhat grotesque dominance and submission pairing that’s somehow doesn’t involve sex, at least not that you’ve mentioned.
Do you just WANT it this way? Do you enjoy this? If your flatmate were gone, would you find someone equally as abusive to replace him?
Well I got home from work and the flatmate said that the doctor has cancelled the appointments for this week. Well except for him, he’s got an appointment a day early because he’s going to the hospital on Thursday and will be staying in Ronald McDonald house for a long time. I’ll be seeing the doctor next week. The flatmate confirmed that he’ll show the doctor a photo of the baby.
I was a bit ambiguous but it was just his fatherhood that I didn’t want to tell the doctor because he’s specifically said he didn’t want the doctor to know about the pregnancy.
Believe it or not I wish he’d leave me alone…
He’s going away for a few weeks and has already given me some orders such as making sure the lawn gets mowed. Besides that I don’t have any plans for a replacement.
Well he just got me to hang up his washing. I kind of enjoyed doing it. Then he said “You did well. Thank you. Thanks brother.”
BTW earlier he was a bit clumsy (he bumped the washing machine) and he apologised.
Well apparently the doctor’s wife (who works with him) gave the flatmate a hug and the doctor said the baby had a strong Biblical name. My wife confirmed that the doctor now knows.