My patient's bizarre penis

[picunurse]

I guess that beats the Christmas tree tatooed on the glans of an unconscious gentleman I had the honor to admit one night. He never woke up, so we never found out WHY!? :eek:

[Call_me_Frank]

Just out of curiosity, have you any thoughts as to what he had injected into his penis?

[Diogenes_the_Cynic]

QtM, I don’t think I’ve posted in one your anecdotal threads before but I just wanted to say that I always find them fascinating and endlessly entertaining. Have you ever thought of compiling some of your “war stories” into a book?

[Snooooopy]

@Qadgop the Mercotan

The end result: A penis which was much larger around than it had been. But to the patient’s regret and consternation, no length had been added, the thing was not quite as aesthetically pleasing as he had expected, and it hurt like hell when he tried to use it in the traditional copulatory manner.

So I guess his bitch had to assault himself?

[Jenaroph]

@picunurse

I guess that beats the Christmas tree tatooed on the glans of an unconscious gentleman I had the honor to admit one night. He never woke up, so we never found out WHY!? :eek:

Hmmm…
“Merry Christmas honey, heeere’s your present!”
“Oh, George, you shouldn’t have! No, really you shouldn’t have…ew.”

[Ashes_Ashes]

@Diogenes the Cynic

QtM, I don’t think I’ve posted in one your anecdotal threads before but I just wanted to say that I always find them fascinating and endlessly entertaining. Have you ever thought of compiling some of your “war stories” into a book?

Seriously. You could do for prison doctoring what James Herriot did for veterinarians. All Penii Short and Wide

[Mockingbird]

@Qadgop the Mercotan

I’ve not identified the patient. I’m not identified by name, nor where I practice. Even if one identified where I work, 12,000 different patients pass thru every year, and each one of them has me as their doctor of record during that time.

Reporting information on anonymized cases does not violate patient confidentiality.

Was his dick injected with silicone?

[Inigo_Montoya]

@Ashes

All Penii Short and Wide

Ahem… penes.

[Ashes_Ashes]

@Inigo Montoya

Ahem… penes.

Dammit, I knew I should have checked. Piffly SDMB, full of smartypantses who know the plural of everything, grumble grumble…

[duffer]

Oh, prison penis stories. QtM, I have to ask if you’ve ever seen anything like this. Back in college I had a friend that had been to prison (I didn’t hit college till 24) and he told of a time he used a super-hot wire to burn a hole through his glans. It was a dare but I forget the money he made.

Anyway, it was a great story, but when he first told me and my roommate, we immediately called bullshit. Lo and behold he dropped trou and sure as shit, there was one of those little tiny padlocks you sometimes see on a jewelry case. His g/f discovered it was a great way to keep him from cheating on her.

This is not anecdotal. I saw the damn mutilation. Apparently he was lucky enough to not hit anything vital and he claimed no functional damage.

So is this something that occasionally happens, or is he just a bigger freak than I ever imagined?

[roger_thornhill]

@Qadgop the Mercotan

I’ve not identified the patient. I’m not identified by name, nor where I practice. Even if one identified where I work, 12,000 different patients pass thru every year, and each one of them has me as their doctor of record during that time.

Reporting information on anonymized cases does not violate patient confidentiality.

True, Merc, but you left too many clues. Someone with a penis fixation, who was ‘impecunious’ and left you deeply ‘consternated’.

So now we know in which part of the States **nonpolar ** resides.

[Diogenes_the_Cynic]

@duffer

Oh, prison penis stories. QtM, I have to ask if you’ve ever seen anything like this. Back in college I had a friend that had been to prison (I didn’t hit college till 24) and he told of a time he used a super-hot wire to burn a hole through his glans. It was a dare but I forget the money he made.

Anyway, it was a great story, but when he first told me and my roommate, we immediately called bullshit. Lo and behold he dropped trou and sure as shit, there was one of those little tiny padlocks you sometimes see on a jewelry case. His g/f discovered it was a great way to keep him from cheating on her.

This is not anecdotal. I saw the damn mutilation. Apparently he was lucky enough to not hit anything vital and he claimed no functional damage.

So is this something that occasionally happens, or is he just a bigger freak than I ever imagined?

You don’t know the half of it. Google on the words “penis subincision” and prepare for a full body cringe.

[duffer]

@roger thornhill

True, Merc, but you left too many clues. Someone with a penis fixation, who was ‘impecunious’ and left you deeply ‘consternated’.

So now we know in which part of the States **nonpolar ** resides.

You know, I’ve seen drawings of people with their heads on the desk slamming their fist on it repeatedly in rapturous laughter, but I’ve never actually done it.

Until now. Forget the monitor and keyboard requests. roger, you owe me a new desk! :mad:

[matt_mcl]

The burning wire I don’t know about ( :eek: ) but for completeness’ sake, I’d point out that there are a great variety of piercings of the penis that can be done in a more orthodox manner.

[Smeghead]

I know you can’t legally answer this, Q, so just cough or something if I’m right…

Was it Jack Dean Tyler? I always knew that Tug-Ahoy thing would cause something unpleasant.

[SPOOFE]

but for completeness’ sake, I’d point out that there are a great variety of piercings of the penis that can be done in a more orthodox manner.

I don’t know about you, but some of the, uh, after-market decorations I’ve seen done to penii… penes… penises… dicks, would give you the impression that they were touched up with a chainsaw.

[ReBusEniGma]

@picunurse

I guess that beats the Christmas tree tatooed on the glans of an unconscious gentleman I had the honor to admit one night. He never woke up, so we never found out WHY!? :eek:

C’mon picunurse, you’d be unconcious too if you just had a Christmas tree tatooed on your knob!! :eek:

[picunurse]

@ReBusEniGma

C’mon picunurse, you’d be unconcious too if you just had a Christmas tree tatooed on your knob!! :eek:

The blunt object he was hit in the head with probably had more of an impact on his state of consciousness. (sic)
I found it strange that it was his only tatoo. Of course, as I think about it, that may be why.

[duffer]

@picunurse

The blunt object he was hit in the head with probably had more of an impact on his state of consciousness. (sic)
I found it strange that it was his only tatoo. Of course, as I think about it, that may be why.

That’s one hell of a way to get into inking yourself. :eek:

[Broomstick]

Oh, man, I love these stories! Keep 'em coming, Qadgop

And I agree, you should write a book. If the writing part is an obstacle you can hire a ghost writer to help you out. But you’ve got the stories already.