My patient's bizarre penis

Boy, the stuff I share on SDMB…

When I was 14, I volunteered on the Pediatrics Ward of a large metropolitan hospital whose name shall remain unspoken.

I spent 5 hours each Sunday, visiting kids. Now, keep in mind, Pediatrics goes to age 18.

I walk into a room one Sunday after knocking and being invited in. I see a boy in bed. My age, a shade older. 16? Gaunt. Beyond gaunt, out there at emaciated. His head looks huge, on top of his bony collarbone. I can see him still. I sit down, and talk to him for a bit. He’s whispering. He keeps wincing as he adjusts himself in the bed, which is cranked up so he’s semi-upright.

He’s talking about how sick he is, how scared he is, babbling. This guy is deeply frightened. I’m trying to listen, keep cool and no get scared. Then he says, And god this hurts SO MUCH. With that, he slides the sheet aside.

His testicles were the size of large oranges, if not small grapefruits. Deep red.

I almost fainted. But he was the one so sick so I sat there and talked to him. He told me he would never leave the hospital.

He didn’t.

Man, I haven’t thought of that kid in decades. Of course, he didn’t do anything to elicit that kind of swelling in the first place.

Cartooniverse

Cartooniverse, that is terrible. Before Inmate Johnson decides to sue the taxpayers for his idiotic self-mutilation, I hope he realizes that some people have real problems that they didn’t bring on to themselves, and that his problem takes help away from those who really need it.

Cartooniverse What on earth did he have? I have a son that age and worry. He has had surgery twice on his testicles

What happens with your foreign patients? Can they get given a translator? Is it likely that some of them are having really serious problems cause of not understanding English?

Great, I tried this and now it just looks like I’m giving everyone the finger.

<tapu cracks herself up!>

Zombies have a Pen… Problem.

It’s been eight years how are his testicles?

That’s a ballsy question.

And a fingernail.

Penis ensues, again.

I believe that Colibri first linked to the spiny echidna penis in action. That thing seems to have a mind of its own. And it is, indeed, a bizarre penis, without any enhancement.

Good lord, how’d this antique get revived?

These days we are fortunate to have access to confidential language translators easily and quickly, via speakerphone.

Back then, we did the best we could with whatever resources were at hand. Including pantomime and puppetry at need.

Otherwise, this particular patient was lost to follow-up.