Since I am hideuosly inexperienced in the realm of interpersonal relations, when I suddenly found myself thrust into a whole new world, I was forced to eke out a set of rules to keep my female friend and I sane and mutually compatible.
Here they are. Suggestions and modifications welcome:
When talking to SO, turn the computer off, and pay attention.
When SO has had a rough day, shut up and listen. Do not offer advice until asked.
Should relationship progress to the mutual-orgasm stage, be a gentleman. That is, ladies first.
No means no. This is a basic rule for dealing with life, but I thought since some guys seem to have trouble with this, it’s worth including.
SO’s birthday is marked on both my calendars. In red ink and bold 24 font, respectively.
Do NOT, EVER suggest, even as a joke, that her bad mood is because of PMS unless you know she has a sense of humor about it. This holds especially true is she does have PMS. Most women I know don’t find this amusing. Thank goodness, I didn’t have to learn this from personal experience…
#3 should not be a hard-and-fast (pun intended) rule. Sometimes she may want you to go first, either because a) it’s fun, or b) it takes the pressure off her, and she can relax and enjoy herself better. If she really seems determined to take matters into her own hands, then go with the flow!
This isn’t always true. Sometimes when you’re playing “Indian kidnapper,” or “You can’t catch me,” or “Medieval Serving Wench meets Lord of The Manor,” or (my personal favorite) “Very bad girl” then “no” sometimes has a different meaning.
You are right, dear. I was wrong and I apologise. It won’t happen again.
(Most effective if the TV is off!)
(Repeat when it inevitably happens again.)
Yes, I really do prefer __ over ___.
I must have been mistaken when I said I was fine. Thank you for interpreting my expression and body language more clearly than I could sense my own mood and express it in carefully chosen words.
That’s pretty much it. I don’t play relationship games. For example, iif you’re on a long driving trip and you’re hungry, do not say “Are you hungry?” to your SO and when he says “No.” you get all huffy and stew in silence while you drive another 200 miles. If it’s you that’s hungry, say so. Say you want to stop and get something to eat. Passive aggressive bullshit is just that…bullshit.
Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to. Don’t say snippy things just to provoke responses. Don’t hint about things you want to talk about (or actual gifts you might want) and then be pissed off when SO doesn’t pick up on it. SO’s are not mindreaders, and while it’s delightfully romantic when you get a gift you mentioned in passing, it’s a real downer when you pout because that thing you really, really wanted doesn’t appear at Christmas because you hoped your SO would know you well enough to come up with it on his own.
#1: Keep the lines of communication open in both directions.
Talk with them, not to them. Listen to them, don’t just hear what they’re saying.
#2: Balance is needed: compromise but don’t be compromised.
Give and take is needed, you are both seperate people with seperate needs and desires. Sometimes they overlap. Sometimes they clash. Compromise, however, doesn’t mean you need to give up who you are and what you belive in. If you aren’t satisfied, see #1. If you are satisfied, see #1. Your partner isn’t a mind reader. Also, sometimes you’ll want to paint the town red together, sometimes you’ll want to stay home and sleep. Needs, wants, and desires change. See #1.
#3: If it just isn’t working out, and/or there’s abuse: leave.
You don’t need to be with anyone. There are always options. Just because a relationship doesn’t work out, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure: it just means things didn’t work out. That’s the way life goes sometimes. Abuse: see end part of #2 above. Don’t compromise who you are, your rights has a human being, just for the sake of a ‘relationship’.
And, on a lighter note: don’t put their hand in warm water while they’re sleeping.
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