I’m so sorry, picunurse. For his pain and for yours.
I hope tomorrow is a little easier for you, picunurse. I’m so very sorry.
i’m sorry for your loss, picunurse.
This thread makes me sad. You are very strong picunurse and tomorrow will be better!
There is something I will commit to in my tiny little life to honor Michael. For you, as well. Comforting and healing thoughts your way…
I am so sorry, picunurse.
picunurse, you have my sympathy. I’m certain Michael was not a ‘coward’; if he had been, he’d have never been able to fight his demons for nearly as long as he did!
You will be in my thoughts.
How tragic. I’m so sorry for your loss, picunurse.
Very, very sorry to hear this picunurse.
There really are no words, picunurse. Just know our thoughts are with you as you move through this difficult time.
I’m sorry for your loss. Sending supporting thoughts your way.
You have a beautiful heart, Picu, and I’m honored that you shared it with us. I will remember your sons story, and that lovely picture.
Sending courage and hope, picunurse. Loss is a challenge. An the loss of a beloved child is one of the most difficult.
I am wondering if your son could speak to you today what he’d want to tell you.
My son “died” two summers ago. He had been playing a drinking game at a bar just before closing time and he won.
At four in the morning, by an odd quirk, some people living above the bar decided to take their garbage out and saw him lying in the alley.
He was clinically dead when the ambulance arrived and took him to the hospital. We were told that his BAC was .557 and to begin the decision process of when to take him off life support. After a couple of very long days and our resignment to allowing him to leave us he came back!
After he received some help for his drinking he made the decision to return to his former life-style. So I live day by day with a hint of his loss and his very real daily absence.
When we talk about it, here’s what he says to me, “Live your life, Mom.”
I think he’s right. And Mom-to-Mom I can understand how very difficult that can be when you love a child.
Through this experience I have learned, of necessity, that sadness doesn’t cancel out peace of mind. Sending a little extra to you today.
No matter how bad the things we sometimes must endure are, they are always made more bearable by not having to endure them alone. If there were a hand-shake version of the cyber-hug, I’d offer it to your husband now.
One sad aspect of suicide is, of course, its stigma. I’ve mentioned it IRT myself here on the boards, but I doubt anyone takes it into account when they see my posts. It’s an anonymous place. My family didn’t care to offer me any consolation, but that’s how they’ve always been. As with the suicide itself, I see that my purpose is to accept things I can’t fully understand, more than to somehow make everyone as loving of each other and themselves as they “should” be.
It’s just me and an urn on the fireplace mantle seven feet behind the chair I’m now sitting in, which contains the ashes of the woman who wasn’t just someone who commited suicide. And I’m more than just that guy who’s wife committed suicide. To limit it to that would not be true to who I am in full, and to what we were. I hope you see yourself and your son in similar terms, even when bad memories emerge.
Grief isn’t a simple uphill climb from the depths. It’s a path that sometimes is stable and smooth, sometimes like mud one foot deep. I hope today is less muddy for you than it was yesterday, picnurse.
Thank you all, so much. I am better today. It almost seems bi-polar. When the day is over, I somehow shoulder the door closed once again and move on.
His letter to me said over and over that I was not to blame. I’d quote it, but it’s still too painful to re-read. We had nothing left unsaid. I know he loved me as much as I loved him. Moreover, he was proud of me, as I was of him. He was smart and funny and giving. He touched so many lives and never even knew so many people cared for him.
Slithy Tove, I’m sorry for your loss as well. You’re right, people who haven’t survived this kind of loss really only understand part of it.
I learned that grief never really goes away, it never really gets less intense, it only develops punctuation. The elipsis simply get longer.
Tethered Kite, in the thread about ghosts (sic) I mentioned something that happened shortly after he died. He saved my life.
I hope, someday, your son come back to you, whole.
Losing a child has to be the worst thing. I pray I will never have to know how it feels. One of the secondary tragedies is where the two parents are unable to support each other. I can only guess his father has a hard time too on that day and just can’t bear to hear from you, a part of his son. It’s some sort of coping mechanism that makes us completely desolate on that one day, then the next day shuffle forward.
Prayers for your family picunurse.
Tragic loss.
There but for the Grace of God go I.
{{{picu}}} there’s not anything I can add that hasn’t already been said but just know you’re in my thoughts and prayers.
I lost a friend to suicide last year. He had a mental illness that was not treated and he died just over a year ago. It’s been horrible for his family. I am in contact with his mother and try to offer her support and just let her know I’m here. My heart breaks for you, picu. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Words cannot fill the hole that is created in a heart which is ripped out.