My daughter is twelve. Next week, she is getting all of her hair cut off - to about an inch long all over, she says. I DO NOT want her to do this. She is adorable with long hair, and I think she is going to regret it. But, I made a deal with her a few years ago. It’s her hair, she is allowed to do whatever she wants to it because whatever she does, it will grow out/back.
Not the same as getting a piercing, mind you, but there’s the age differential here. Bottom line - if he wants to remove it later, he can. It’s not permanent. (I have tatoos - got all after age 24 - my dad still hates them.)
He is old enough to make his own decisions about his body (unfortunately for you). Choke it back and ignore it. As long as he is a good kid, his looks are his decision.
I realize this won’t change how you feel about it - I’m not trying to change that, just telling you how I would feel/react.
I have eight earrings, a tattoo, and I used to have a navel ring, though it didn’t heal properly and I never got it redone. I almost got a ring in my eyebrow instead of the bellybutton-- decided against it partly because I was afraid of what infection could do to that part of my face, but also because it just wouldn’t have worked for me professionally. I do not have the kind of job where I will be taken seriously if I have a pierced face-- hence the multiple earrings and tattoo instead. I can downplay those if I need to.
I’m a big believer in self expression, and frankly I think a labrette piercing is pretty cool (as are nose rings, IMHO)if you can get away with it. But my point here is, don’t worry about it too much. As others have pointed out, he may not want it forever-- and if he does, you’ll get used to it before you realize it. As long as he takes care of it, it’s nothing to worry about.
Do beverages and soup leak out? Please ask your son after the swelling goes down, I was always curious about that. If he takes out the metal thingy, can he shoot soda/juice/chickenbroth/beer at people? These are the things inquiring minds want to know.
My hubby would say “ridicule and laughter,” meaning that’s how he would handle something like that.
I, OTOH, would wonder if the scar is going to look like one of those pit type acne scars, then say it’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. (knowing that he’ll eventually chuck it if he wants a real job)
I had a friend in highschool who had one of those types of piercings. He could do all sorts of stuff with it… spit through the hole, squirt various drinks. Quite the party piece. He still has it a couple years later, and shows no sign of taking it out. I think he just got used to it and wouldn’t know what to do without it.
Your son, on the other hand, got his quite a bit later in life. I’m guessing that he’ll take it out as soon as he realizes that it isn’t possible to get a decent job (actually, that’s wrong, in the industry I work it’s a fairly normal thing – check profile) with it in.
My ex girlfriend had a tongue bolt. That took some getting used to, but eventually I saw the good side of it.
If you really don’t like it, and he’s still living at home at 19, I’d say you’d be justified in saying no piercings while he’s living at home. However, that might cause a rift between the two of you, which is something I’m sure you don’t want.
For the moment, just give yourself some time to get used to it. Pretty soon you won’t even notice he has the thing. I’d also say that you should thank yourself that he hasn’t got some other type of piercings. In college I wrote a paper for anthropology on body adornment (tatooing, piercing, scarification, branding, etc) and you wouldn’t BELIVE the places people can insert a piece of bone. <shudders>
My fifteen-year-old asked if she could highlight her hair. She ASKED! She didn’t just do it and apologize. I don’t know where her mother and I went wrong.
I subtly pointed out the standard, fait accompli, method she should have used. She said she was planning on a ‘big ask’ in a few days and didn’t want to jeopardize that.
She’s learned to plan ahead. I don’t know where her mother and I went wrong.
I have two tattoos myself guys. But that’s different. That’s me. I want so much better for him.
The reason I didn’t go off on him about this is because he is a good kid. Always has been.
The only time he ever got in trouble was 3 years ago. That was for kicking a kid in the chest. The kid had been talking some major trash to son everyday for 2 weeks, after warning him several times to knock it off son had enough. He lost it and kicked the guy.
There were no charges filed, too many people spoke up about what had been going on.
But what kind of parent would I be if I didn’t complain about this somewhere ?
Have a kid or two, or raise a kid or two, and then respond. Failing that, think, but make sure to use your heart when doing so.
After that, you may be able to respond with something more insightful. And helpful.
Even if you honestly believed that Ayesha shouldn’t care -“what skin is it off your nose”?-, it was clear that she did care. And very much. The tone of her OP was of loving disappoinment, chagrin, confusion. Of concern. The tone of your post was punitive. You accosted her for being honest.
I wanted to know in what way it affected her. A punitive comment would have been along the lines of “Stay out of your son’s life, you &^%&^%$^.” You’ll notice my comment didn’t include a statement of this kind.
I’m not punishing her for doing anything (I’m unclear as to how I could punish someone over a message board without being a mod, but let that go.) But I don’t think the only possible position to adopt is, “Yes indeed. Your son is incredibly inconsiderate and freakish for shocking you by getting a piercing.”
Ayesha, for what it’s worth I don’t understand what the fuss is, either. Everybody has the right to look like an idiot. And just think how hard it is to shock people as old as us? I saw a kid today with four-inch hair spikes. All I could think was, “How 1978!”
I’m no fan of tatoos, either. Besides being remakably unattractive after a few years, I think of them as identifying marks, as in, “Ma’am, did the perpetrator have any identifying marks?” When the revolution comes you’ll be real sad you have them.
There is a big business in burning them off, especially for kids with gangy tatoos who want real jobs.
When that hole in his lip infects get real concerned-mom about it. “Oh, dear, let’s clean that up. Here’s some peroxide. No, I’ll put it on. There; doesn’t that feel better?” Do not pull any “I told you so” crap. Embarassment is the strongest weapon we parents have, and being supportive in an excessive, condescending manner is how to do it.
This is a WAG, but I’m almost positive it was a gauge… the same type of ring used in tongue piercings. One ball has a post that screws into the other ball. (Get your minds out of the gutter) If that’s not what it was then I have no idea.
I actually think those are magnets. Can’t be too sure though, but one of my friends wore one for a day and it looked real.
Ayesha:
Get one. Really, go to a jewelery shop and get one. Wear it in a really odd spot, like in the middle of your cheek. Don’t say anything at first and, when mentioned, just blow it off like it’s no big deal. Sure, your son may not take his stud out because of this but hey, you might like it so much you’ll decide to go out and get the real thing.
