And I suppose that’s a good thing, but I didn’t think 14 year old boys were supposed to be prudish.
There was a Christmas dance at school yesterday, and the students were supposed to wear Sunday dress, meaning coat and tie. Ivyboy took a shower, cleaned up quite nicely, and I dropped him off at 7:30p. I told him I’d pick him up at 10pm. The school is literally right around the corner, but I didn’t want him walking home in the dark.
Anyway, at 8:30p he storms into the house, furious. He said all they played was rap and hip-hop, and all the 13-17-year-old girls and boys were dirty dancing. He was disgusted, because one girl he has a crush on was in the middle of it, and I think he was somewhat disillusioned that she would be a part of that.
Now, granted, I didn’t see the dancing, so I don’t know how raunchy it was. And I guess it’s a good thing my son has better standards than that. Ivylad thinks if Ivyboy’s little crush had danced with him like that, he wouldn’t have minded, but I don’t think so.
So, is there hope for my gentlemanly son in this hedonistic world? I’m tempted to write the school dean about this, since they put such an emphasis on citizenship and being a “XXX Academy Lady or Gentleman.”
Or am I hopelessly old-fashioned and out of touch with reality?
Don’t kid yourselves. The kid only had a crush on her because he thought she was attainable. Turns out her low profile was deceptive; she’s another cute girl getting attention from higher-status males who he feels totally outclassed by.
At 14 I was still a bit prudish and probably would have been very uncomfortable in a huge group of people dancing, dirty or otherwise.
I’m sure the shock of seeing a girl he had a crush on, maybe even set up a little alter to her in his closet to which he would pray every night, was enough to drive him out of there.
And of course having home so close made it the easiest choice. Choose between overcoming social fear or walking around the corner. I would have choose the walk.
Lots of kids are uptight about their bodies and expressions of sexuality in their early adolescence. I was a lot more prudish at 14 then I am now. While I was quite the wallflower at 14, now folks have to drag me off the dance floor.
I don’t know if this was a serious suggestion or not, but please do not write the dean. You weren’t there; you didn’t see what was going on. All you have is your son’s word for it, and, while I’m sure he’s a great kid, things may have seemed a bit more extreme to him than they actually were. And, btw, one can shake her booty and still be a good citizen. (At least I hope one can!)
Don’t write the Dean. I’m sure the dance was chaperoned, nd if the students were doing anything totally inappropriate for their setting/age, the Dean already knows about it.
I wouldn’t write the dean, as it was almost certainly chaperoned. However, i am very proud of your son, as you should be too. And, i would suggest that he write out what he saw as wrong and bring it to the dean’s attention himself. You can always call the dean’s office later, make sure they got his letter, and say how proud you are of your son and that you hope it was well taken.
And, yes, it’s great to see he has standards. Liek me, he already thinks about the future and wants a girl who will be focused on him - and hopefully he will be on her at the same time. It’s great to know there’s nice, decent people coming out of this new generation.
Ha ha, very funny. You know very well my children do not attend a school for porn.
I did write a letter to the dean, but I will tell my son he doesn’t have to give it to him, and can write one on his own if he likes. At this point my son doesn’t want to attend any more dances, which I think is a little sad.
Seeing “your girl” paying attention to someone else can be pretty devastating. I have teenage granddaughters, who talk to me, and I can assure you that it works both ways. Boys and girls.
Talk to your son (of course), and try to determine if the actions of others was really what angered him. For most boys of his age, such a reaction would more likely be insecurity than moral outrage. Did he ask her to dance, his way? Does he dance? It’s tough, as you know, being a teenager.
Good luck, and don’t ignore Ivylad. He is, after all, a guy.
Peace,
mangeorge
My nephew was the same way. even into his young adulthood. He expressed his disgust to family mostly, so he didn’t have a school reputation for prudishness.
Now he’s 23 and engaged to a fine young lady even though he avoided most of the school dances.
Yeesh, your son’s a real prude. Does he also say dirty dancing leads to venereal disease and insanity? Dancing with joy and abandon does not equal having loose morals or being easy.
Exactly what type of dancing was it, anyway? “Dirty” is such a subjective term, after all. I concur with the people who say that your kid was probably just feeling bad that “his” girl was paying attention to other people.
The kids were probably “freak dancing”. This is where they go beyond Dirty Dancing, think more along the lines of a Hip Hop video. Usually the girl bends over, the guy behind simulating… well you know what is being simulated.
There an uproar about it a year or so back around here…
A 14-year-old may be a bit put off by displays of bootytude from his classmates? Parents should have such trouble! (But! More on this coming up!)
Prudishness? Disappointment/Disillusionment? Notice the ivyparents can’t agree on it. The father (probably in an “ah, for those days when we were expected to act silly” reverie) seems to take the side that it’s disappointment at not having been the (exclusive/primary/frequent: pick a degree) target of such attentions from his objet d’crush.
But really, folks, it could be any of a bunch of things, heck, it may have even been the rap that stressed him out. Bog knows that for some rap records even the f^%$%@g beat seems designed to piss off 80% of the population. And I myself am not so much “delirious” as about to go into seizures if forced to spend time at a party where I cannot hold a conversation in a natural tone of voice anywhere in the room.
The boy is telling us he found the goings-on offensive in general, however. Although this is tempered by our knowledge that teenagers can be the fiercest black-or-white all-or-nothing moral absolutists on Earth, his word has to be worth something and if he truly finds the goings-on objectionable it is fine that he stand his ground. After all, the old reliable parental admonishment about what if all the other kids jumped off a bridge applies still. And an early realization that dance parties need not be the be-all and end-all of teen social life opens up time for other activities. (Not so great though, if it is a matter that he is unsure as to how to handle the situation and his choice is to avoid having to handle it in the future, period.)
But there IS one thing that should be of concern, ivy, specially as he mentioned how hard he took that the girl joined in. And that is the risk that he form in his mind a classification structure where anybody who was out there booty-freakin’ falls under a heading of “that kind of girl/guy/people”. And an expectation that the people he likes are “NOT that kind of…” and cannot possibly be. Because, yes, it may be that there were kids who just lean towards debauchery. But then again maybe many of them are fine young citizens who just like to get down and get in touch with their booty side once in a while. And maybe many others, probably many MORE others, are kids who are not aware they have a choice to NOT join in, who have grown up just hearing and seeing that “this is what you do” to have fun (usually accompanied either explicitly or implicitly by “…or else you’re lame/queer/a nerd/weird”). If he gets to understand this, then he can make his stand on principles, quietly, w/o cutting himself off from his peers.
