Sounds like your kid maybe put this girl on a bit of a pedestal. This could be a problem because he isn’t viewing her as a person or even sexually. He’s viewing her as some sort of chaste and pure prize. This leads to to frustration or anger at seeing his pure creature acting in a way that doesn’t fit his expectations.
It may prevent him from entering into normal relationships with women because he may never find a women who meets his high standards. If he is in a relationship, he may continue to get angry or even abusive as his mate exhibits “inappropriate” behavior and he is unable to deal with his own inadequacies.
If your kid is going to grow up to be a psycho, it’s better that he becomes a Patrick Bateman (the rich, good looking investment banker sexual predator from American Psycho), not a Norman Bates (the impotent middle-aged nutjob who lived with his mom in Psycho) .
Don’t fret, ivylass. I believe your son is right. I have chaperoned these dances. My daughter is a middle schooler, so we’re talking 12-13 year olds, and I have seen this dirty dancing. It is COMPLETELY inappropriate, IMHO, and much of it does simulate sex acts, leaving very little to the imagination. And, you’re not the first person even here to mention the bad music. A high school age Doper started a Pit thread abot the very same thing awhile back. My daughter requested a DJ to play a song by a band called Bowling For Soup at a dance. The song has the phrase “I gave her love, she gave me an STD” in it, and the DJ told her he would not be allowed to play the song because of the adult content. He then proceeded instead to play the song “Last Resort” by Papa Roach (lyrics here: http://www.metrolyrics.com/lyrics/7883/Papa_Roach/Last_Resort/ )
Yeah. That made sense.
It’s <i>possible</i> that Ivyboy was just disapppointed that “his” girl was dancing with someone other than him - 14 year old boys in general can get pretty possessive - but given the behavior I’ve seen at some dances, I would not be a bit surprised to find that others WERE acting inappropriately and that the adults chaperoning were oblivious, only because I have seen this in action. And I’m all for standing up for your principles, however unpopular they may be.
I went to my senior prom and was totally appalled at what passed for “dancing.” I spent a lot of time standing to the side, very uncomfortable. Rubbing my butt against my date’s crotch was something I wasn’t willing to do to blend in with the crowd.
At the end of the night, they did a garter exchange. I had no idea this was a tradition (I was new to the area and this was my first and only prom). Imagine my surprise when the DJ starts playing what sounds like stripper music, the guys line up across from their dates, the girls hike their skirts up seductively, and the guys are encouraged to remove the garters with their teeth. Then the girls remove the guys’ bowtie and take it as a souvinir.
I was sitting to the side with my jaw on the floor.
Yeah, maybe he is just upset because of a girl - but I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss his disgust at the dancing. I was looking for fun, not Christina Aguilera’s “Dirrrty” video.
Where were young men like your son when I was a shy and demure young lass of 14??? Back when I needed them???!
Heck, I’m going to steal a march on Shrinking Violet’s idea. I have a sister turning fifteen soon, can I talk you into letting them exchange emails? ^_- I can attest to her status as a sweet and unspoiled young thang.
I used to be like Ivyboy - still am, in fact, except that I’m four years older. There are some males that aren’t sex-obsessed; parhaps he’s one of them?
Well, I talked to him, and he said that he finds such dancing disrespectful. He agreed to talk to the dean himself, and I reminded him of the old business axiom…If you mention a problem without a solution, you’re just complaining. So he’s going to make some suggestions, like playing different types of music or teaching more traditional styles of dancing.
I’m not talking about Pleasantville here, but I think it is possible for the pendulum to swing just as hard in the other direction.
And mrsmith, how the hell do you make the leap from having standards to turning out to be a psychotic killer? Bit of a leap there, no?
This sounds like a fine, upstanding, young man. We’ve had some of the same issues at my college (I’m in student programming and sometimes the more devout kids will object to the music/dancing we have at dances).
As for his lady friend…it can be a crushing thing when you discover thet your pure flower is a freak-nasty ho. It’s something that all young men have to go through- your first love is always so idealized- it’s almost a form of worship- and the discovery that your prospect is a) a sexual being and b) is willing to be sexual with people other than you in a situation outside of the most romantic, sacred way- can be a rude awakening.
Oh, well. It might hurt a bit, but at least he learned something
about the young lady before becoming too involved with her.
Or it can be the answer to your prayers if you’re of the more “adventurous” bent of teen lad BUT I must reiterate the caution about that a youth ( male or female alike ) should be oriented early on that people are NOT divided into either “pure flower” or “freak-nasty ho”.
However it does sound like he’s got his act together, ivylass. Excellent on the proposing of alternatives! Maybe some of the kids WILL find out there are other ways to have their fun. Just keep the channels open, it seems he’s on a very good heading.
Because I don’t read “he has standards” from the situation you described. You described his mood as “furious”. Do you think that is a normal reaction to a high school dance? Because I don’t. It is likely a reaction to his failed expectations with this girl.
The other concert I have is how judgemental he is regarding his peers behavior and musical tastes. I think JRDelirious hit the nail on the head with the “they” mentality so I won’t rehash it.
No one said he has to like hip hop and rap but that’s what the kids are pretty much listening to since…well since 1992 when Dr Dre introduced The Chronic to white mainstream suburbia. In any event, that’s what passes for dance music these days. While you might feel more comfortible with the Chicken Dance, your teenage son’s tastes should be diverging from yours at this point. WHile every parent dreams of having a nice quiet son who never talks back, never stays out late and is always polite, that may not be helping him grow into an independent adult.
Maybe psycho killer is a bit of an exageration. What I can see is that in a few years, he will find himself perpetually on the outside. Hiding behind his morality, which is a mask for his own inadequacies, he will become angrier and more resentful as “they” always seem to be the ones getting the girl, having the good time and reaping the other rewards in life.
Same place they’ve always been. Holding the wall up at the party, too afraid to approach you. Either that or playing with their collection of dead animals.
By the way, we were still doing the “bootie slap” dance at my 10 yr HS reunion last year.
I imagine that at the same time he is furiously professing his disgust at the scene to you, he is furiously masturbating at the thought of being the guy dry-humping his crush on the dance floor.
Not literally at the same time. That would be weird.
I’d be concerned, Ivylass. Your son sounds very much like a prude. Are there any hardcore conservative schools around - the sort where they don’t let the genders mix outside of carefully chaperoned events - that your son can transfer to, so as to not continue attempting to ruin the other mainstream students’ fun?
Wow, all because she was dancing? I don’t know that I’d be so quick to brand a 13-year-old girl as a “ho” just because she was trying to have a good time. It’s not her fault he gets uncomfortable easily.
Well, given the sort of dancing that we’re talking about, and the fact the the OP highlighted the fact that her son said that the young lady was ‘in the middle of it’ I figure that’s what his main problem was.
I’m not accusing the young lady of being a ho of any sort, but I’m betting that because of his crush, she went from the purest flower of loveliness to a dirty, nasty ho in his opinion.
Though, to be fair, in my experience the young ladies that get ‘in the middle’ of these sorts of dances (grinding, groping, simulated sex acts) tend to be dirty, nasty, hoes. God Bless’em.
Whoa, why are you all so quick to jump all over ivykid and ivylass?
He didn’t like what he saw, so he left. When he arrived home, he vented to his mom. Some poeple don’t think certain behaviors are acceptable, this was apparently something that ivykid found to be inappropriate.
I’m also a little worried that the following scenario is happening:
He gets to the dance and things are more sexual than he’s ready for; he’s also crushed to see that the girl likes other boys.
He comes home angry, but knows that his parents won’t take his anger seriously if he explains that he’s sad the girl doesn’t like him; instead, he unconsciously changes it so he’s angry about how sexual the teenagers were being.
He just wants to vent, but his mom suggests that he needs to find a solution to the problem. Now he can either admit that the real problem isn’t the style of dancing, or he can save face and go along with mom’s suggestion.
He may not want to be a prude; he may simply have wanted to vent some anger and disappointment. Be careful that you don’t maneuver him into taking a course of action (going to the Dean to protest dirty dancing) that he doesn’t really want to take and that will certainly make him into a school pariah if the other kids find out.
If he WANTS to be a pariah, that’s a whole nother story. Nothing wrong with that. I’m just worried that a mom’s overreacting might end up forcing him into that role.
I think he sounds like a great kid with solid values who was disappointed and upset at what was going on. And I know several girls who would be thrilled to meet a guy like that…
if you’re of the more “adventurous” bent of teen lad 
BUT I must reiterate the caution about that a youth ( male or female alike ) should be oriented early on that people are NOT divided into either “pure flower” or “freak-nasty ho”.