Welby, I’m so sorry that you and the rest of the welbyfamily are going through this. I don’t know what else to say, I don’t have any advice, I’m just so, so sorry that you all are hurting like this.
It will get better, though. It will take time and work and pain, and then more time and work and pain, and then more time and work and pain, but it will get better.
If you need me for anything, even if it’s just to rant, email me, ok?
I have nothing to add, except {{{{welby}}}}.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Good luck.
Jesus christ, what a difficult thing to go through. My thoughts are with you. Keep talking, even if it’s just to us. Use this as a place to vent if you need to.
I wish you strength during this difficult time.
Thanks very much for all those who have offered support and encouragement. I don’t have words for how much that means to me. To answer some of the questions that have been asked:
My son is 15, and we’ve had no indications of drug use at all. I grew up with an addict, and spent three years as a drug counseor, so I know that signs to look for. Or thought I did anyway.
The first thing I did when I got home was toss his room. He’s got Win 2K on the machine and I don’t know the password, so I’ll probably hack the box when I get home tonight. In our immediate tossing, we found no journals, diaries, or anything to indicate his state of mind prior to his suicide attempt.
As for bup’s question about my worries. . . yep, you’re right. I’m very concerned. All of the “what-ifs” are going through my mind, and it upsets me.
The first time I subdued my son my wife saw the knife and hid it, I didn’t know it was actually in the room until she told me later. One thing that strikes me, though is that at one point during our struggle he did get away, ran to his room, and was looking for something in that spot. I didn’t know what until later, but it’s obvious that he was seeking the knife. The real question in my mind is whether he was seeking it out of rage or to see his plan through, or maybe a little of both.
I can say quite truthfully that I don’t see a clear path through this. I have no intention of living with one eye over my shoulder in my own home, and will not spend my days worrying that I’ll come home to find that he’s hurt his sister, or my wife.
I wish the fucking insurance company would get off thier asses.
Easiest way around the password is to look for a file named after his user name with .pwl after it , i.e.:" burner. pwl". THis is the password file for the computer. All you have to do is delete it and the computer is your oyster. You wont have any usernames or passwords to work with , but you will be able to get into the machine and follow his tracks via cookies and history unless he has cookies disabled and his history set to clear when the browser closes.
Welby,
About all I can really suggest is trying to get your son to a hospital for evaluation for a few days. That will give you and the rest of your family a few days of breathing space and hopefully the ability to calm down some, AND most importantly time for doctors to fully evaluate him.
I understand you not wanting to live with someone who has already planned on harming you and DID attack both you your wife. Which is why you need to find out what caused this to happen, and if there are treatment options to deal prevent it from happening again.
You may also want to speak to Social Services, I imagine that you will be able to speak with someone who has experience in dealing with this sort of situation and will be able to discuss what options are open for your family.
(((welby)))
As someone who just spent today seeking a therapist for myself, I can tell you–some insurance companies apparently will direct you to crisis (immediate) therapy if you request it. My problem isn’t that serious, but you must be very traumatized right now. If you feel like you can’t wait, don’t be shy about calling a crisis line for immediate help.
I hope very sincerely that there is some treatment available that will help your son. Best wishes.
Welby,
You and your family are in my prayers. Best of luck with the situation.
{{{Welby and family}}}
I really don’t know what to say, Welby. I wish there was some way I could help. Just know that I’m thinking of you and your family and sending good thoughts that way.
~monica
Only two pieces of advice:
Because–I don’t wanna scare you but–
Not only is your son in danger, and you are in danger, and your wife is in danger, and his sister is in danger, but also there’s a whole wide world of people out there in danger. How many headlines have we seen about a teenager who expresses his anger by stealing a car and racking it up, or putting pipe bombs in mailboxes, or simply running amuck with a gun?
Some teenagers don’t always have a firm grasp of the idea that actions have consequences–I have never felt sorrier for a kid than I did for that mailbox bomber last spring, the photos of him after he’d been in jail for about a week. When he was planning that, and he’d played that little fantasy out in his mind, it hadn’t included what it was really like to be wearing that orange coverall and using a toilet with no seat in front of everybody.
So I doubt whether Welby Jr. really grasps what he’s talking about, and things can escalate really bad and really fast, before he knows what’s happening, and people can get hurt.
So, turn this over to some kind of professional counselor or therapist, not only to hopefully lessen the tension and the danger, but also–this will sound incredibly cynical and negative but–
To make sure that your ass is covered if he does go postal and kills somebody. If you have to explain to the Authorities that you knew he was violent but you “thought he’d grow out of it” and didn’t get him some help, then God help you. 
And.
Repeat as needed.
it’s not about you and your parenting
it’s not about you and your parenting
it’s not about you and your parenting
it’s not about you and your parenting
it’s not about you and your parenting
it’s not about you and your parenting
it’s not about you and your parenting
it’s not about you and your parenting
K? 
Mother of 3 teens here who will be praying for all of ya, if that’s okay. 
what DDG said.
((((welby&family)))
You & your family will be in my prayers.
Please, please, please take this seriously.
When I was in high school a 15 year old classmate/neighbor was acting the same was as your son. Attempted suicides, threats of harming family members, etc. His parents tried to do what they could without professional help and I also think they didn’t realize the seriousness of the situation.
One night he tied a butcher knife to a piece of stair banister (think spear) and murdered his 5 year old brother. He tied up another brother then went into his parent’s room and attempted to tie them up as well before they over powered him and called the police.
Evidence and his own admission showed that he planned on murdering his entire family. It was odd that he murdered the 5 year old first because they were very close and in writings they found later he stated that he felt this brother was the only one who loved him.
He hung himself in jail a few days later.
welby, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Holy cow. I’m so sorry, Welby. I can’t add anything here…lots of good advice has been forthcoming, and I do hope that you will be able to follow through with counseling. I think it’s vital to your safety and the safety of your family.
I’ll be thinking of you and yours. Take good care, please.
Best,
karol
Welby, hang in there, please. More to the point, get counseling, as others have said. I remember how angry and afraid I sometimes felt at 15, and the worst of it was no one would do anything to help.
One thing I haven’t seen brought up is how is your son doing in school socially, as opposed to academically? There can be some rather nasty forces at work there, and it can get worse if the school is not responsive.
It’s not your fault, as everyone hear will tell you. I second what people said about keeping drugs and weapons safely secured, but I have to tell you that if someone is desparate enough, they’ll try anything they can think of. Then again, you already know that. E-mail me if you need to. I’ll also mention that Cecil’s Place, the one and only on-line support group for depressed Dopers is there for you, too.
Check your son’s computer. There may be a text file or some other document sitting around which would serve as a note/explanation. Also, don’t forget to check the recycle bin for something he may have started writing then tossed.
Good luck, and be strong. If insurance proves too balky, there are a bunch of free resources out there, including Al-Anon and ACOA. I’ve got a friend who does a lot of work with 12 step groups and she has stressed to me that ACOA is as much Adult Children of Anything as it is Alcoholics. Your son might also want to look into AlaTeen, whether or not drugs or alcohol are a problem for his bio-Dad.
Take care,
CJ
That’s so scary, welby. My hopes and wishes are with you and your family.
And this may seem random, but has he been taking prednisone (spelling is probably wrong) for asthma? One of the side effects is severe paranoia and delusions. One of my mom’s friends had her 17 year old son go from a normal kid to being incredibly paranoid and seeing things and thinking everyone was out to get him in less than a week. Rare, but it happens.
Best of luck to you and your’s.
I first read this thread about 9 hours ago and have been in shock ever since.
I can’t imagine what it would feel like to be in that situation for welby, mrs welby, prince welby or princess welby.
I don’t have any words of wisdom or anything but I agree with therapy…for the whole family. Do whatever ya have to do to take care of yourself and your whole family.
Keep us informed and
{{{the welby family}}}
Pissed off fury in a moment of rage is one thing, but premeditated murder and a bizarre suicide plan because he feels he’s being oppressed by mom and stepdad’s restriction on his PC time (and other stuff) is a whole different animal, and (IMO) probably speaks to the emergence of some kind of serious physiologically based mental disorder.
Counseling/discussion to get the facts out is definitely recommended and it’s obvious he’s not going to be able to come back home anytime soon, but as someone else said, in the end he does need a parent now more than ever, even if you are (understandably) not particularly inclined to be in this role for someone who tried to murder you. Despite everything that has occurred you are still it re being the responsible parent and the force of will it’s going to take to turn your justifiable anger into something constructive is going to be ferocious.
If I was in your shoes I would feel as much at sea as you do. To provide a home and be a father to someone who suddenly, without warning becomes a mortal threat is beyond the limits of normal comprehension. Mental illness is often genetically mediated. You might want to have a long talk with your wife and then his bio-dad about any history of mental illness in either family that might give some clue as to the genesis of this outburst.
All I can tell you is good luck.
I don’t know if sheer quantity of well-wishers helps, but I’ll just add a ‘me, too’ here. Other people have given good advice, so I’ll just say that I’m glad you’re still here.
Best of luck.