My son's experience as a day laborer (sorry, very long)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Ivyboy is having a bit of a life lesson right now and I think I have realized what “It takes a village” means. His father and I never had any experience with goofing off in school or having a bad work ethic. Ivyboy, despite our best efforts, didn’t get what we were trying to teach him. So, others are teaching him what he needs to learn, most likely without realizing they are doing it.

He is desperate to get back to school. He was stressing over the money (we are charging him rent, not a lot to us, not enough to bankrupt him, but enough to make it sting a bit) and we are letting him stress. Until he got a steady reliable job, he was going over to the day labor place.

This means he has to get himself up at 4am, get his father up by 4:30am to drive him over there (he has neither car nor driver’s license yet, just a permit.)

The first day he spent working as a garbage man. I think something started to ping for him when the job was announced and he was the only one to grab it. The others didn’t want to haul garbage…even though it meant more money.

Most everyone else wanted to be paid in cash, even though it meant taking a cut in the check. Okay, I get that, some people, for whatever reason, may not be able to get or want a bank account.

Several times he went, only to find there were no jobs available, or they’d all been taken.

He was able to get a “job” with his uncle for a week helping to move, then it was back to the day labor place, and for this week he got the coveted Return Ticket (basically, he was assured a job at a golf course all week.)

The other five people in the group knocked off at 2:30pm. My son made arrangements to stay later and for me and his father to pick him up so he could make more money. He also made the effort to you know, work, while he said the others either goofed off or did a half-assed job (they call it “job security.”)

The second day he wondered if it was worth it for him to bust his ass while everybody else let him. His father and I assured him that yes, it was noticed, while it may not be obvious.

The third day, after the others knocked off at 2:30p, the supervisor at the golf course offered my son extra water, his personal golf cart for his use, and noticed that there seemed to be some sections that looked good while others were horrible. Ivyboy nodded thoughtfully (guess who did the section that looked good?) The supervisor even credited an extra half hour of work for my son even though they arrived late (something he did not do for the others.)

The fourth day, one of the other workers brought a 12-pack of beer to the jobsite and shared it around. One woman talked about how she had to buy some pot from her son because seeing a snake the day before had stressed her out so much. Another worker told my son that he would “learn” not to work so hard.

The last day, they were supervised. My son did what he normally did, and said that as soon as supervisor left, one of the workers literally stopped working in mid-swing (they were machete-cutting water hazards.)

My son says it was frightening at how easy it was to be lazy. One evening when he got his check, he noticed it was for a lesser amount. The day labor clerk realized he’d been paid at the wrong rate per hour, as had everyone else that day, but my son was the only one who noticed.

Even though my son has a work ticket for the golf course next week, he will not be back. He got a job at Belk’s as a temporary worker for the shopping season.

So, thanks for all those people out there who taught my son a lesson…those who did not work, and those who noticed the difference between those who worked and those who didn’t and rewarded accordingly. My son has earned enough to pay us rent and have enough left over to get his butt back to college in January. I think he will go back humbled and wiser.

Some people learn by lectures, some by watching others, and some have to pee on the electric fence themselves.

2

Man, you are an awesome parent. This experience is going to help that kid so much in his adult life. You deserve the biggest congratulations and so does your son.

(and as someone who did withdraw from school, nothing makes you more aware of school’s value than having to work without a degree in a nowhere field you hate.) He will return to college, and he will love it.

3

Your posts have reminded me in many ways of my own son.

My son has been lazy and been a procrastinator most of his life, the entire nineteen years of it.

He never realized the value of a dollar or the hard work it takes to make it until he got out in the world himself. I did not kick him out but I put a great deal of preasure on him once he turned 18, something my mother was against, but it was the only way to make him see reality. I also made him pay me rent but of course his freedom was limited as he was under my roof. So he found his own place to live and has been there for almost a year now. He has his permit as well and made payments to a friends dad to purchase a car. Something I never thought he would ever do in a million years.

Now mine is not college bound but he does work hard, over 40 hours a week and makes enough to pay for what he needs. Will he get tired of the long hours and crappy pay? Maybe, but for now he is doing what he has to and is responsible for his own care.

There is no truer statement than this. I am glad your and my son at least learned this lesson.

I have always worried about my son and how he is going to make it in the world. I still worry but now that I see he is a hard worker and takes pride in his work, half the battle in my eyes, he will be able to take care of himself and that is the largest battle there is for a parent. There is no greater fear then pushing them out of the nest and see how they soar. They can certainly surprise us can’t they?

You are a good parent and I hope your son continues to learn and grow. The fact that he is proud of himself and his work ethics shows character.

4

Moving thread from IMHO to MPSIMS.

5

Easy, now.

I understand work ethic. I have worked since I was 10. I realize the benefit of a college degree – for some. College is not, nor should it not be, a panacea.

I went to college for three years, and realized that the degree I had originally wished to attain was no longer so important to me. I did not want to complete it for the sake of completing it. So I dropped out.

I am now a loan officer, and have been for the past 9 years. I have been in finance since 1990. I like it. But I will not return to college to get a nonsensical degree.

It doesn’t really matter to me, though, because I have always put forth extra effort, just as your son did. I will be retiring in 17 years at age 50 from my current line of work, if not sooner. At that time, I will have amassed enough earnings to live comfortably on my savings for the rest of my life, and do self employment as it amuses me.

All without a degree.

6

I’m glad he’s learning, Ivylass. I’m also glad you’ve made him do it on his own.

7

Tell him to sign up for the Military.

8

Oh goodness, I know that. I didn’t mean to imply otherwise. I really do value education quite highly, but I’m smart enough to know education doesn’t just happen in a classroom.

I just meant to say that my time off from college made me approach it with a much greater sense of purpose when I returned, considering that what I really DO want to do with my life does require a college degree. Up until that point, I just felt like it was my moral obligation or something, that everybody was just expecting it. The time off made me really WANT it, in a way I’d never wanted it before. It made me realize my life was wholly mine to do whatever I wanted with, and take responsibility for my own future in a way I hadn’t before.

That’s all I was really getting at with that.

9

I’m proud of you Ivylass. So many parrents give more thought to caring for their car than for their children. Here’s to you. […tink!..]

10

That was what I did at that age. I saw my older brother working at a fast food place at age 24 and I wasn’t doing well with working two part time jobs and trying to carry a full course load, so I joined the Navy.

However, I could understand a parent not wanting to encourage a child to join the military currently. I would think that the Navy & Air Force was still a good bet however.

ivylass, sounds like you are doing a good job with your son. The military really is not a bad option. If he returns to college, are you planning to help him?

Jim

11

Neat. Thanks for sharing!

12

I think the kid is going to turn out OK.
We all hit speed bumps in life. It really does not matter how many times you get knocked down, what matters is that the number of times you get up is always one greater than the number of knockdowns.
With the work ethic he learned at the golf course he will be a superstar at the Christmas temp job.

13

He has admitted since he got home that he wasn’t ready for college, that he was doing it because he thought we expected him to. He said he didn’t want to say anything for fear of upsetting us.

Now, he’s desperate to get back to college. He is looking into joining ROTC, knowing he will have to enlist in the Army after he graduates, to get money for college.

He’s actually visiting his friends at school this weekend…he paid for the bus ticket all on his own, and will be back tomorrow evening, then he starts work at Belk’s on Monday. At first I was reticent, thinking he’s supposed to be in “exile” and should not be getting a treat to see his friends, but Ivylad told me as much fun it will be for him to see his friends and his girlfriend, it will be just as wrenching to leave them tomorrow…so, maybe more incentive for him to keep his butt in gear?

You know, it was so much easier when all we had to worry about was monsters in the closet and a scraped knee or two.

14

Good for you.

You’re doing exactly what parents should do for their children.

15

I don’t understand why you’re charging him rent. Couldn’t you at least give it back to him when he gets to school so he can, you know, buy books? I’m not saying it’s your responsibility to pay for his education. I’m paying for my own education right now. The point is though, if you want him to learn lessons, that’s fine, but don’t do something that will essentially make things arbitrarily more difficult. If he can’t be trusted to instead save money, just take the rent and give it back to him to buy school essentials when he returns. It seems he is VERY determined to show his independence. I’ve been in a similar situation with my parents, and the shame of needing to fall back on them at times was plenty of punishment.

I don’t know his exact major, but I did check out his course schedule and requirements. I’m not exactly sure what Digital Logic is, but it sounds a good bit like Discrete Mathematics, which is a difficult class. Having books is pretty essential for those classes, as it is often important to get a seperate perspective on things.

As for his programming class, this is different. I’m taking an into programming class, and I’ve used the book very little. I could certainly get by without it. Then he’s got his non-science requirements which are usually hard to fail.

The point I’m trying to make is this…Not having text books is a problem, but not necessarily one that would cause you to fail. I realize that I’m new to all of the situation but it’s a difficult choice for him. I chose the wrong degree and didn’t learn until much too late (24 years old). Now I’m going back, and although I’ll end up with a Masters after three years, I have to start from scratch. But I ended up choosing what I was (A) interested in and more importantly (B) good at…

Your kid may be interested in computer science, but is he good at it? Is there something that he’s been more interested in? I’ve been a computer geek all my life, but ignored the career opportunities, because I had always looked at it in a somewhat superior way. So I chose the awful path of random liberal arts degree and I have to undo the damage now.

Now, I hate to say it, but the idea of using the Army to pay for college isn’t the best idea. Especially since it’s the Army and not the Navy or Air Force. Why not just get him to take out (federally funded) loans? Tell him to take a lighter course-load and get a job on campus? He needs to become fully aware of the funding options available to students. A lot of people manage to make it through college without assistance from their parents. There is a patch-work system available to him, he just needs to learn to work the bureaucracy. That’s a great experience for him. It is possible to get money from Uncle Sam at a cheaper rate, and there are other options available to him.

Him living at home is surely punishment enough, if you’re going to charge him rent, at least give him the money back when he will be responsible enough to use it wisely. That is unless if you really need the money that he gives you.

Letting kids learn from their own mistakes is certainly a good idea, but on the other hand, you don’t want to withhold advice that would help him out. He needs check out his options with financial aid. I don’t know what tuition is like there either, but it is possible to go to college and take out loans and get a part-time job and manage to stay afloat. If he takes a lower course-load then he’ll be even better off…

Anyway, I realize it’s good he’s learning form life, but I’d also say, make sure things are actually going to be ok. He failed out of all of his classes. Could this seriously only be because of books?

16

Just being nosy I guess, but why doesn’t he have a driver’s license yet? As soon as I was old enough, that’s the first thing I went after.

17

It wasn’t the lack of books. We found out later that college was an adjustment that he wasn’t ready for. This was a situation of him getting in a jam and not telling us so we could help him salvage it before it got too late. He kept assuring us everything was fine, when in fact it wasn’t. He had come up with a solution to his problem, but as it turned out, that “solution” would have meant the loss of all his scholarships and grants, so withdrawing was the only option. We’re calling this a “reboot.”

Since you ask, we are not taking his rent and using it for ourselves. It will be put aside for him, so if he finds that he does not have enough left for school after paying us rent it will be there for him to use. Call it a mandatory savings account. But neither is he going to laze around the house, talking to his girlfriend via IM and webcam. He’s going to work, and since he’s working and not at school, he pays us rent. If he were living at home and going to school, there would be no rent. If he were living at home, going to school and working, there would be no rent.

He does have loans, some scholarships and grants, but FIT is a private school and rather expensive. He’s worried about having to take out more loans and getting further in debt. He has work study and will probably try again to get another job on campus. We’ve told him he could do community college, or transfer to another college, but he is adamant…FIT is where he wants to be, and computer engineering is what he wants to do. We’ve had numerous discussions about what happened, and believe me, we do not want to do this again, so I’m not kicking him out of the nest again without making sure his wings are fully functional.

18

It’s a combination of things…he doesn’t seem terribly interested in it, and his father and I can’t afford the insurance on him. He did mention that it was something he wanted to take care of while he was home, but we’re not pushing him on it.

19

ivy, if he is working through Labor Ready or Workers’ Temporary Staffing, please let me know, if you wouldn’t mind. I may have some useful information for him.

EDIT: I just noticed the last two lines of the OP, so feel free to ignore the above.

20

Isn’t a little dose of reality a wonderful thing? Our daughter is about to start her last semester in college, but she got it with a side order of life. Her tuition is covered, and we send her some money every month. She works to make up the difference between what we give her and what she needs to live. She’s had to deal with utility companies, landlords, roommates, auto repairs, running out of groceries, and all that adult stuff. We’ve had to advance her money a couple of times, with the understanding that she’ll pay us back when she gets her post-college job. We’re fortunate in that we didn’t need for her to take out any loans, so apart from what she owes us, she’ll be debt-free.

Along with her academic education, she’s learned about living on her own, getting a peek at the stuff we deal with on a regular basis. I’ve noticed over the last 4 years, her tone is less that of a teenager and more that of a responsible member of society. My baby is all growed up! Gets ya right here, ya know??