Maybe the op’s Woody can’t compete with her new Buzz.
That seems like an odd general stance to take. Now – clearly, different couples have different rules/boundaries/etc., so for some a husband and wife’s sex life really is a “separate deal”. But I certainly don’t think that way about my wife, and I honestly don’t think that’s a typical stance.
I have to say that if my wife had a vibrator – assuming she doesn’t, of course 
– that’d be fine with me. But to not even be open to discussing it? To me, that seems like kind of a sad commentary on a relationship’s intimacy level. But, as always, YMMV.
Pixar it doesn’t count!
What is there to discuss? Let’s say for instance, that your wife found that you always use a certain baby powder scented kind of vaselline to masterbate with.
Maybe you love that smell because it reminds you of a girl you used to like. Or maybe that is just the kind that is always on special at Walmart, who knows. The point is, why on earth would your wife feel you need to discuss it. If she finds it in the little area by the pc where you like to do your thing, does she need to discuss anything about it with you? No. It’s your own business, especially if you have it tucked away in your drawer.
Same with vibrators. It is just a tool some women use when they privately masterbate. I guess most wouldn’t mind discussing it much, but it certainly doesn’t need discussing. Especially if I have it tucked away for my own private use. My private masterbation time = my personal solo sex life, vs. me and my husband shared sex life. Two different things. A couple can have the most intimate, sensual romantic shared sex life ever, without it being a sad commentary on that if one of them decides to have a private sex life which is masterbation.
Oh, by all means, consult the internet BEFORE actually speaking to your spouse about it. Good lord.
If there were ever a topic where Your Mileage May Vary, this is it. If it doesn’t belong in a conversation with you Nzinga it doesn’t mean it doesn’t ever belong in a conversation with any couple…it sounds like something to broach* cautiously.
I can say at the Bridal shower point in my wife’s life, the ‘novelty’ items horrified her and got pitched the next day. Now, 15 years later, it’s not such a verboten subject, but we’ve discussed it, and it’s just not her thing.
(from a machinist’s background, a broach is a cutting tool to create a slot to fit a key-way in a part…useage of this word in THIS thread makes me giggle. Even if nobody else does.)
Yes, I agree that my own ideas aren’t universal. I just tend to speak for my own ideas and assume the YMMV part. So if I came off all sassy and know-it-all, let me just dial that back. I’ve been feeling overly sassy today for some reason.
Also, I just want to clarify that discussing toys in general is not a bad idea. And if he has concerns about his ability to please her, it’s not a bad idea to broach that. I just don’t like the idea of the fact that her private masterbation toys that she has tucked away privately has to be a topic of discussion. Of course I’m just spouting off posts on a messageboard, the OP is free to take the advice of any posts that he feels fits his situation best.
Awesome.
Awesomer!
Of course the OP should do what he feels is best here, but I think he needs to THINK about what he is doing before he does it. Maybe this is something private for her, and maybe she bought it as a surprise for him. We don’t know, but IIWH, I’d err on the side of caution and tact.
Agreed, but with some explanation.
My sex life is, virtually by definition, entwined with my wife’s (though I assume that there are exceptions for others). Which is, IMHO, mutually exclusive with “[Your wife’s mid-sized pink dildo] has nothing to do with YOU and your wife’s sex life”. And I think that’s the typical view, if there be such a thing as “typical” when it comes to peoples’ sex lives.
The OP is, as you say and among other things, concerned with the (seemingly remote) possibility of his wife’s sexual frustration. It’s not clear to me how one might advise “don’t bring it up” while not also recognizing that the very suggestion indicates some level of intimacy issue. And that’s sad to me (in a 
sense, not a :smack: or :dubious: sense).
Perhaps, in my head, I put too much emphasis on the phrases “nothing to do with YOU” and “separate deal”, while putting too little on “private”.
Holy over-analysis, Batman!
Good Lord! Surely, he already did.
I agree with the other posters, I would very carefully broach the topic and based on her initial response, either proceed carefully or drop the matter entirely.
Or you could get all crazy and arrange it so she catches you using it on yourself one hot Summer night. Of course, that will either horrify her or show her how crazy and experimental you are. High risk/reward.
Sometimes you like to have a fancy meal with a lover or friends; sometimes you just feel like grabbing an ice-cream fix from the freezer. One pleasure doesn’t detract from the other, and there’s no need to share your private ice-cream moments with others.
Deaden the batteries (i.e. let the thing run for a few hours when she’s out), hide all batteries of the same type, wait for her to go looking, chortle cruelly.
Or just do the decent mature thing and decide it’s none of your business.
I would say don’t bring it up unless you have an issue with your current sex life. If she is constantly turning you down and you feel like she is using the vibrator as her primary source of sexual satisfaction then you have a legitimate issue and it is worth discussing but if she consistently rocks your world and you never feel like you are sexually rejected just forget you ever found it.
I say it has nothing to do with your sex life. I’d let it go and not worry about it.
Well, you could always beat around the bush so to speak and ask if she has any interests in toys. You might confess your own interest in toys and in what manner (pitcher, hitter, mixed scrum). YMMV
I say, don’t bring it up, don’t hint at it, pretend it never happened. Then go out and buy her one as a gift, present it to her at an appropriate moment and ask her if she’d like to try it out together or alone.
Instead of being confrontational about it, use it as an opportunity to start a new, shared tradition.
Rest assured that I’m better informed about human sexuality overall than 99.9999% of the folks out there in general. I studied under Dr. John Money (for better and for worse) in the late 70’s and early 80’s where I learned a LOT about paraphilias, and have continously cared for transgendered patients my entire career.
I also claim the distinction of introducing the term “urethral intercourse” to the SDMB. :D:(
Dan Savage is still ahead of me in overall knowledge, though.
Beat me to it!
Anyway, I have a toy, and I know my husband jacks off. It’s not a big deal. Sometimes we’re just on different cycles. I may be having a week when I’m really tired and not giving him any. Or he might have a week where he’s working dinner shifts and I’m asleep by the time he gets home… it happens. And we are both open about it. I mean, I don’t tell him every single time I masturbate, but he knows I do it.
Oh please, get over yourself. Forums can act as a (relatively) objective, sort-of-anonymous reality check, as it were. Getting other peoples’ perspectives can help. I mean, I for one had never even thought of the possibility of it being a gag gift.
If my wife was unhappy with any part of our marriage, it most certainly is partially my business, and I’d want to know so I could help try to fix it. I’d like to think I am reasonably aware of what our marriage is like, but we’ve all heard stories about ‘I had no idea he/she was unhappy, until one day he/she just up and left’. So I don’t want to take anything for granted.
Still, I had zero reason to think she was unhappy with anything, including our sex life, previously. And on the whole I don’t think this changes anything for me. I like to think that I’m reasoanbly perceptive when it comes to reading the tea leaves, so to speak, and even with my antenna up a bit higher the last couple of days in case I was missing anything, I simply didn’t see anything that would lead me to change my mind.
Personally, I’m not all that interested in playing around with toys with her unless she was really into it. So it’s not like I want to share this with her if she’d rather keep it her own thing. After realizing that if things seem to be going well, they probably are, I don’t really see any need to specifically talk about this with her for now. So I’ve already pretty much decided to just forget about. If it comes up some time so be it.
But anyway, thanks to everyone for the responses!