Actually, she manages to be really cute at the same time.
I make a frozen pizza last night (freschetta, the best!) and the usual routine is that I eat half of it for dinner, she eats a slice (that’s all she usually wants), and I take the rest for lunch the following day. I suppose I eat frozen pizza more often than I’d like to admit.
So last night she eats her slice, and when I go to wrap the rest up for lunch, I find that she’s not only eaten her slice, but she cut off the tips of the remaining slices (about an inch and a half) where all the stuff is, leaving me with crust and a little over half the stuff part of my lunch. This renders the pizza crippled as a snack, and useless as a meal. Simply not enough calories there to get me through the next day.
Now, I enjoy my pizza lunch days. I love pizza. I was appalled by this action and I cried out “HEY!”
“what?” she replied
“you cut the stuff of the tips of the pizza”
she let out a little coy giggle, smiled, “yeah I did”
" I can’t believe you could do that!"
she looked at me, with a smile that I could only describe as
eee-vil and said “oh, you don’t know what I’m capable of” (I swear to god she almost put her pinky up to the corner of her mouth)
and it’s true.
She’s gonna dominate the world, bring it to it’s knees by doing things like eating all the cashews out of the nut mix, eating all the m&m’s out of the GORP, taking the last shrimp and smiling while I hit the empty plate as she steals it from beneath my fork.
And there I am, frustrated, but rendered helpless by her cute demeanor.
So there’s my cute evil wife story, anyone else care to share?
I woke up one night to find the bedroom covered with plastic drop cloths and my wife standing over me with an axe. In retrospect, maybe it wasn’t that cute.
I woke up one night to find the bedroom covered with plastic drop cloths and my wife standing over me with an axe. In retrospect, maybe it wasn’t that cute.
See? Now you know. This is what we do. This is how we manage to rule the world and still let you think that YOU are the ones in charge. When in actuality, what you really get is the grunt work.
Of course you realize, my divulging this to you will result in my expulsion from the World Order of Women Mind Control through Sports and Short Skirts. But, hey, I had to gloat. Being both sinister and cute is hard work.
When the ex and I would go through a fast food establishment, she would feed me my fries in an overhanded manner, instead of letting me take my pick with the under-handed delivery system. I knew then that she had ulterior motives. She was actually force feeding me…Man, I almost fell for that…
Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssss… I do that. So what? I try to go back and roll up the bottm to be nice or push the middle flat again. I… try. If I feel like it. If I’m having a “nice” moment. Mwuahhhh-ha ha!
