My wife's dog hates me

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m sorry if this is a repeat, I recently posted on the topic before but couldn’t find it so here I go again.

About four years ago my SIL got a 2 month old rescue to be her “shop” dog, the idea being to be a mascot of sorts and greet customers. Remy turned out to be a basket case of nerves, not fit to be around people, especially males. Given most of her customers are male, that didn’t work out. The dog spent most of her time hiding under the counter, afraid of everything and everybody. We are dog lovers, SIL knew that and begged us to take the dog. We did.

HUGE mistake. Turns out that Remy is completely untrainable. She bonded with and LOVES my wife and the SIL and BIL. Goes crazy anytime she sees any of them. She bonded with them, they are the ONLY people she seems comfy with. She is afraid of everybody and everything else.

BIL and SIL apparently made no attempt to discipline or train her as a pup. BIL actually encouraged her to jump up on people, furniture and whatnot, thinking it was cute. Now she will not listen to anybody, does what she wants. She knows her basic doggie commands such as come, sit, stay etc. The rub is that she and she alone decides if she will obey any commands. It’s Remy’s way or fark you. You tell her to “come” or anything else; she’ll look at you like you have three heads, then completely ignore you. Even tho she loves my wife, Remy obeys her only slightly more than me.

I won’t bore you with the details but she has caused major damage, including putting my wife in the hospital for 10 days, right after we got her. Aside of that little incident we figured we could civilize her and she’d become a loving pet.

We think she must have been abused at some point to be so afraid of people, men in particular. I can’t imagine either BIL or SIL would abuse a dog so I have no idea when any such abuse might have taken place. Remy adores my wife and I’ve accepted that I’m the lessor human in the dogs little head. I always walk on eggshells around her, thinking with enough love and attention she’d turn around. She used to be somewhat affectionate with me, coming around for snuggles and ear scritches, playing fetch, etc.

She’d growl at me once in a while but I never thought much about it. Most dogs will growl if surprised or disturbed. What is different is today she tried to bite me. She came at me. She’s never been aggressive so that’s new and disturbing.

Something changed. I don’t know what. Recently, the only time she comes around me is if she wants food or to go outside. She’ll just shit on the floor at random my wife isn’t around. She will shit on the floor 5 minutes after I let her out. It seems as tho it’s her protest for being stuck with me and not her favorite mama dog.

That’s part of a very long backstory.

This dog is only 40 lbs, you’d think nothing to be afraid of, but she’s faster than I am and she’s got teeth. I’m a bit afraid of her. She can do damage. Remember this dog put my wife in the hospital.

I’m gonna cool off a bit, give it a day or two. Then call SIL, ask her to take the dog back. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want the dog back so there is a plan B.

I actually dug out the .22 I haven’t shot for 20 years to see if it still works. It does.

I’m not looking for approval, I’m pretty much decided on what will happen next. As far as I’m concerned, this mutt’s days are just about over. So talk me down.

2

Call the vet(or animal control), have them do it. That .22 might be too small to be merciful.

3

Animals that attack or credibly threaten to attack humans need to be killed, period.

But only in accordance with local animal management regulations. Find out what those are and do the right thing in the right way for yourself and your wife. It’s unpleasant, but it’s necessary.

Don’t do the right thing the wrong way thereby possibly turning yourself into a viral internet villain facing both mob violence and legal charges.

4

We are deep in redneck country. Around here it is completely acceptable to off a dog. Most dogs around here are viewed as farm implements. If it pisses you off, shoot it and get another one.

Taking her to the vet to do the deed isn’t a possibility. No way either my wife or I can get her into a car. She will not come when called, can’t grab her when can’t get within 10 feet of her.

ETA: A couple years back one neighbor #1 was complaining about neighbor #2’s dog barking. Owner of said dog shot it. We and neighbor #1 thought it was a bit drastic bit drastic but neighbor #1 thanked neighbor #2 and nothing more came of it.

5

Surely you have some kind of country animal shelter or human society for pets in the area. Could you not take her there and put her up for adoption, with all the warnings and caveats you’ve told us? Perhaps someone experienced with training difficult dogs could adopt her. If they can’t adopt her she will be put down humanely, assuming it’s not a “no kill” shelter.

Is she a purebred? If she is perhaps she isn’t being allowed to do what she was intended to do. My dog’s breed was bred in the 1850s in Britain to chase foxes down holes or up trees. I frequently take him for walks in the woods and let him chase squirrels and other small furry animals because that’s what he was bred to do. That’s who he is. I could lock him up in the house all day and he would be completely miserable.

I think you’re right that your dog was probably abused at some point. If you can’t put her up for adoption and she’s tried to bite you, then destroying her may be your only choice. Whatever you do, don’t let her suffer. That’s not fair to a dog that was the subject of abuse.

6

In many areas vets will make house calls for euthanasia. Bozeman actually has doggy hospice. Not as cheap as a .22 cartridge, but more peaceful.

7

Well, ignoring that problem was your first mistake. It is one thing for a dog to be skittish and snippy if they have not been properly socialized and trained, but there is a categorial difference between the nip of a frightened dog and an attack that would put someone in the hospital for days when they were interacting normally with the animal (i.e. not threatening or battering the animal). This is a dog that cannot be trusted around people even if you can manage to condition it to be less aggressive (forget socialization…that ship has long sailed).

I know you are just expressing the common sentiment in your area and not your personal opinion, but that attitude is offensive to the extreme. Dog are what nature and socialization makes them, and even the most aggressive breeds can be taught and socialized to be restrained around adults even when they cannot be trusted with small children who might act out toward them. Canines are individual creatures with their own personalities and internal lives, and yet are totally dependent upon their owners to care for them, train them, and protect them.

Given what you describe of the dog’s behavior, it would be unethical and irresponsible to try to adopt her out, and I agree that short of attempting some kind of radical conditioning that is likely to be unsuccessful, you have little option but to have her put down. I would join in the chorus of encouraging you to contact animal control or have a vet euthanize her. Having put down numerous animals, I’ll say that a bullet, and especially a .22 LR, is not nearly as reliable as you might believe, especially if you can’t get in contact range. This dog sounds as if she is in constant anxiety and suffering; at least do her and yourself the favor of making her ending as peaceful as possible.

For anyone even considering adopting a dog, I strongly recommend reading The Art of Raising a Puppy (you can find it cheaper on Amazon or Abebooks but in this case I think it is worth it to give the maximum benefit to the Monks of New Skete and the work they do in bringing awareness to the appropriate selection, socialization, and training of puppies and dogs). So many dogs become unwanted and unadoptable just because people don’t understand the responsibility they are undertaking and the damage that their lack of understanding and care does to what might otherwise be a valuable companion, guard, and worker.

Stranger

8

We do have a local humane society which is also hooked up regionally. ALL are severely understaffed and short of space

I used to volunteer at both the local and regional centers so I know exactly how it works. We tried to place every animal that came in but it doesn’t work out for a lot of the critters. In the local center there’s a nice rainbow painting in the hall leading to the otherwise unmarked crematorium. It is not a no-kill shelter. I’ve cried in that hallway more than once.

No idea what breed she is, she’s a mutt. I know some breeds have tendencies. For sure she’s got some hound in her because she’s so damn stubborn. We’ve had a beagles and a basset. Hounds tend to be headstrong but can be managed.

Remy has plenty of outside activity, she can pretty much sniff around, chase rabbits and roam free. She IS trained to stay in the yard, so there’s that. She has about 6 acres to run.

She gets plenty of attention but hasn’t wanted it from ME. Not like she’s bored. I think some part of it is separation anxiety when mama dog (my wife) isn’t around. The other part of it is that she’s just farked in the head.

Or maybe she’s really, REALLY smart and figured out I’m the asshole :wink:

It’s kinda funny, I was talking with the missus the other night, mentioned that Remy was like a cat in that she is aloof. And everybody knows all cats are assholes :wink:

9

Believe me, the situation was not ignored. We only had her for two days when this happened. there was much discussion. SIL just laughed and said, “Too bad. Good luck!” That’s the other half of the story that I won’t go into. You are correct in that we screwed up and didn’t get rid of Remy right then. But we were optimistic that we could train her.

10

Man, I feel for you.

We have two rescues now. About 60lbs apiece. Jax, the male and I got along great, never any problems. Then one early morning he was asleep and I scratched his back. Scared the hell out of him. He would not have anything to do with me for 2 weeks. I tried everything. Lot’s of treats involved.

Didn’t work. So, I just ignored him during that time. Didn’t know what to do. But then one day Jax just came and sat by me and leaned against me. It was like an apology. We are now best of buds.

Doesn’t always work out that way though. I’ve had dogs that where afraid of men with beards, or people with hats. My cousin came to the door once with a big bouquet of flowers. That did not go well. At all. I had to grab him and I threw him to the ground. Total protection instinct on my part. He was my best bud at the time, and it stayed that way.

I know you are not supposed to break up dog fights, least you get hurt, but I done a few. Again instinct. My instinct is to immediately get between them and make them more afraid of you than each other. Be the biggest, scariest, loudest thing in the room. It’s a WTF moment for them. It’s a distraction from the fight.

So far it has worked. I would not recommend this method, and think I have been very lucky.

11

And now she’s sitting across the the room from me looking at me with those big brown eyes…

I know I shouldn’t try to get near her. Dayum.

How can such a sweet looking thing become so nasty?

12

If a dog has not been properly socialized and doesn’t have a naturally benign temperament, there is little you can do. I know there are people who undertake to adopt and care for severely neglected and abused dogs that have become unpredictably violent because of their upbringing and good for them but what they end up with is a dog that may be responsive to (and often overprotective of) one or two people and unreliable around everyone else, especially children. For owners who are willing to devote their lives to the dog and can keep it from contact with other people, that’s okay until it isn’t, but what you have is a dog that can’t be taken out into public or boarded, and if they are hospitalized or die the dog is severely anguished and often has to be put down because no one else can care for it. This just isn’t good situation for anyone, even the dog because canines are naturally social creatures who seek interactions when they are comfortable and well-adjusted.

People think of dogs as pets, i.e. accessories like a goldfish or an iguana, but they are companions and workers which have rich internal lives of their own. In the case of your dog, it’s life is one of constant fear and aggression. If you really wanted to save it you could try working with someone who does canine behavioral training (not just a ‘dog trainer’ that teaches discipline) but a dog that is already hyperaggressive and destructive is unlikely to be a good candidate because those behaviors are already inculcated instead of socialized out.

Stranger

13

Could you put some dog treats between yourself and the dog on the floor. About half way. And see if she will take them?

And then baby steps. A little closer to you ever time.

Just a thought…

14

Explain to your wife how happy the dog is now that it was re-homed to the 22 acre farm upstate where it can run free with the other animals.

Then follow the three S’s. Shoot, shovel, shut up.

15

Great. Teach the dog how to sneak up on you.
I would rather get my throat ripped out and get it over with.
:wink:

16

There of hundreds if not thousands of well behaved, not afraid of men, socialized dogs in shelters. People do nobody favors when they surrender an ill behaved, ill tempered, snappy dog who doesn’t like kids or cats or men or people who wear purple, and puts people in the hospital. Amateurs who have never trained a dog like this need to stop thinking “Buster will love me over time and will bond with me and we’ll go into coffee shops and everyone will think he’s the best dog in the world.” I call that the Black Stallion syndrome.

Have the dog PTS. If you can’t get the dog in the car, have neighbor Jim Bob come over and do the needful.

17

Yeah, once a dog has crossed certain lines they simply aren’t safe to keep around and that’s just the way of it. It’s sad, it’s a bummer, nobody’s happy about having to do a behavioral euthanasia on a dog but when you take that feeling of distaste to its logical conclusion you end up with dangerous dogs in family situations and sometimes that ends up in tragedy, like that pitiful family in Memphis whose two dogs–who were bought from a reputable breeder, raised from puppies and were loved and cared for family dogs for eight years–snapped and killed their toddler and five month old baby and put the mother into the ICU as she tried desperately to save her children. I will bet you five bucks right now there’s a Facebook group full of comments from people fighting like crazy to keep those murdering animals from being humanely euthanized. Fighting to send those mayhem machines out into another unwitting family to play vicious dog roulette. The shelters are stuffed full of animals with undisclosed bite histories being foisted off on families with children, with other dogs, with cats, putting them all in danger so the shelter can avoid the insane “adopt don’t shop” nutbags who lose their shit over the “pwecious angel puppers” in line to be euthanized but whose reaction to a baby being killed and eaten by one of these dogs is “the baby must have pulled its tail or done something to provoke the dog.”

However it needs to happen, you need to get that dog out of your home before something really regrettable happens to you or your wife or a visitor. Personally, I wouldn’t hang around waiting either. “If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well. It were done quickly.” – Macbeth

18

My Entire Life, in one simple sentence.

19

It’s just relocation by another name.

20

I tried something like that numerous times. She’ll come to me for treats. She snarfs them up while keeping an eye on me. As soon as the treats are gone she high tails it away from me.

That ship has sailed. Wife knows what’s going on. I can’t just disappear the dog without her knowing I did it.

I don’t think I can bring myself to do the deed. “Jim Bob” isn’t really fond of our dog and I’m sure he’d have no problem with doing it. But HIS wife would have a problem with it and since she’s friends with my wife that would get both “Jim Bob” AND me in trouble with our respective spouses. But it’s still on the table at this point.

I think the most realistic solution is to try to give the dog back to SIL. That isn’t going to be easy either. She’s turned full-blown MAGA whack job and is pretty much shunned by our side of the family. However her hubby is mostly sane and we get along fine with him. The key would be to play the family politics correctly. SIL already hates me so it wouldn’t be much of a stretch to paint myself as a puppy killer out to kill her “baby”. She’s a total whack job but I can use her maternal instincts. She might take the dog back to save it from my evil librul clutches. I can see several ways that can backfire but it still might be the way to go.

Remy would be much happier with them and going that route would also save a lot of strain on my marriage.