I’m very sorry, but this is not realistic, nor a solution.
I love dogs, but (as you say) this one has clearly been badly mistreated before being rescued and has now attacked your wife inflicting serious injuries.
Unfortunately your response to this appalling violence is to give the dog treats.
So it has learnt it can attack with impunity.
Please think about what might happen if you have visitors.
The only way forward to to put this unhappy, untrainable dog down humanely.
This is a great recommendation. I found this book in the 1990s and while my dogs are never as disciplined as the monks’, every dog I have had since has been fully integrated into the household in a way which other people comment on. “Your dog is so well behaved!” “She is so calm, especially for a Scottie.”
A great, great recommendation.
Do you have a vet you can work with? I know you said you can’t get her in the car, but this dog has some serious fear aggression problems, and god knows what trauma in her past. I would see if you can get your vet to prescribe some anti-anxiety meds that you could feed her. Give that a couple of months and see if she can just take a deep breath and learn to think, not just react.
If that’s not going to work, I’d ask your vet for some acepromazine tranquilizer to again put in her food - a big enough dose to make her loopy. Then take her to the vet and have her euthanized. She sounds very unhappy, poor girl, as well as being a danger to humans.
You really shouldn’t say this until there’s been an attempt, by a professional, to train the dog.
One of our best dogs came from a shelter, where she’d been adopted and returned many times. We were told that if she didn’t work out with us, they’d admit defeat and put her down.
We worked with her for a few weeks and decided to throw in the towel. Then I contacted a friend who is a cop and a master trainer. He came out with a bite suit, bite sleeve, and various training aids. He spent 8 hours working with the dog and us.
He made some suggestions, gave us exercises to do. The dog thrived, enjoying the exercises. She went from being a pain in the ass to a loving friend over the next few months.
Yes.
This is a complicated dog. Your average basic training stuff isn’t going to have much effect, you’ll need a pro trainer/behaviorist. Or, find a way to euthanize her as painlessly as possible.
I wouldn’t under any circumstances give the dog back to the SIL or turn it in to a shelter. There’s too much risk of someone else being harmed and the OP being held legally responsible, even if full disclosure of the dog’s aggression is made and documented.
Hiring a good professional trainer might or might not work, but won’t come cheap.
Incidentally, while past experiences/poor training are generally blamed for canine aggression, there’s such a thing as idiopathic aggression, possibly genetic in origin, though it’s considered relatively rare. There are siblings in human families who all turn out fine except for one violent black sheep; no reason to think that the same phenomenon can’t apply to pups in a litter.
Link to article on causes of aggression in dogs.
ISTM the first problem the OP needs to solve is that his wife actively wants a dangerous dog in the house, while he does not.
After all the people are in alignment on what to do we can all move on to how to do it. But not before.
Why not a shelter?
I suppose it depends on the shelter. I volunteered at the Anti-Cruelty Society in Chicago.
If they got aggressive dogs they had a protocol for assessing that dog and deciding if the dog could be rehabilitated (actually all dogs they get are assessed for aggression).
While the Anti-Cruelty Society bills itself as a no-kill shelter they do actually put animals down for a variety of reasons which includes aggression that can not be resolved (dogs involved in the dog fighting world were put down as a matter of course…they cannot be reliably fixed).
But they try.
As long as the person dropping the dog off to the shelter is clear about the dog’s problems and knows the shelter will be very conscious of that issue I see no problem with it. If nothing else the shelter should be able to put down the dog more humanely than a .22.
Or they could ask a vet for a home visit to euthanize the dog. Many vets provide this service. Costs more than a bullet though.
LSLGuy nailed it. That’s really the crux of the issue. It’s a very sensitive issue with Mrs. Mortimus. We’ve been married for 38 years. We’ve worked thru a lot problems over that time and managed to stay married. I’m sure we’ll get through this too. Discussion is ongoing. She knows something has to happen, the dog can’t stay. Exactly what we end up doing depends on her. It’s her dog.
Good luck - hope things work out.
At the risk of nailing something else less pleasant …
I sure hope it was a mutual decision to take the dog in the first place. Bringing home a surprise pet is about as big a non-team move as bring home a surprise child or lover.
Teammates don’t blindside teammates. At least not if they expect to play on a successful team for long.
It was mutual. A few months prior to taking Remy we had to put our 14 year old Trixie down due to geriatric complications. We were planning on getting another dog anyway, eventually. We were still grieving the loss of Trixie and weren’t in a hurry to replace her. When SIL begged us to take Remy we figured it was a bit sooner than we liked but ok, we’d take her. We knew going in that Remy disliked men and was extremely skittish.
FWIW, I’ve also considered that perhaps Remy recently developed some sort of demential. We had to put Trixie down because of dementia. She would do weird things like work her way into a corner or behind a piece of furniture and not be able to figure out how to turn around and get out. Her body was shutting down. She had great difficulty walking, she couldn’t control her bowels or bladder. It was very sad. But at no time did she ever turn mean.
My dad had severe dementia when he passed a few months ago. I’ve seen how dementia can radically change a human’s personality. It is logical to assume a similar personality change can happen with dogs.
When I said Remy put Mrs. Mortimus in the hospital for 10 days it sounded like Remy attacked my wife. That’s not what happened. What really happened is a very long story. I was trying to edit for brevity, which I probably shouldn’t have done. I should have mentioned this in the OP and deserve some shit for not doing so:
Short(er) version: Remy managed to pull the screw stake she was tethered to out of the ground and took off into the woods, complete with the tether and stake. Wife went chasing after. She tripped and fell, badly cutting her knee. I called SIL to come over and corral Remy because I couldn’t. While SIL was doing that, I took my wife to urgent care where her wound was cleaned, sewn up. She was issued major antibiotics as a precaution. Antibiotics didn’t work, she ended up with a systemic infection and THAT’s what put her in the hospital for 10 days. So yes, Remy put my wife in the hospital but never attacked her.
The current concern still stands. Remy DID come after me, ears back and teeth bared. I’ve been around dogs all my life and know when they aren’t fooling around.
Since her aggressive display there have been no further incidents. I’ve been giving Remy a very wide berth, making no effort to engage other than to feed, water and let her outside.
Yup, Kayaker.
Our two rescue dogs are wonderful. But had issues. They still do a little bit. But it’s OUR job to get things right. WE rescued THEM. It’s up to us to do it right. The dogs had some problems with anyone they did not know.
We took them to a profession training place. They where there for two weeks. I thought I could do it. I’ve been around dogs all my life. But no, we needed some pros.
We have no idea what they went through at the beginning of life. Mostly just abandoned .
They are not perfect now (no one is), but, wow.
I’m sorry, but according to the OP the dog was “rescued” at the ripe old age of eight weeks. I got my cattle dog at the same age. OP says the dog was a neurotic wreck from the get go and although, yes, poorly trained was not apparently mistreated in any way yet was afraid of large swaths of people. That ain’t normal for a dog adopted young like that, unless the original owner of the dog, the SIL, mistreated it and I doubt that’s the case as OP is actively pursuing having her take back the dog. This dog has been a trainwreck from day one, and if my cattle dog had exhibited even a fraction of those behaviors I’d be concerned, but active hostile aggression toward a human would have me seriously considering a behavioral euthanasia. I’d be really interested in knowing the breed of the dog, there might be further clues there for us to be able to tailor advice based on whether we’re likely dealing with genetic characteristics or purely behavioral ones.
So, OP, can we get clarification on some points? The dog is a four year old female dog named Remy, yes? Adopted as a pup by your SIL and then turned over to you and your wife because she was too nervous to be the “shop dog” and since Remy was well bonded to your wife everyone thought the rest would follow, yes? She has proven to be wild, untrainable, and your wife is not physically capable of restraining her, as demonstrated by the dog’s actions putting your wife in the hospital, yes?
Is Remy spayed? Does she display other aggressions, such as dog aggression, does she attack other animals or chase wildlife? Separation anxiety? Any destruction of property? And at the moment you cannot actually lay hands on this dog, such as getting a leash on her, yes?
There’s a lotta red flags going on up in here.
Very well then. 
Officially, according to the original paperwork, she’s a boxer mix. I dunno about that, she doesn’t look like a boxer to me. Her face and head shape are not boxer-like. She might have some boxer in her, I have no idea what the “mix” might be.
Yes.
Yes. That and she was well bonded to SIL and BIL before we got her. BIL is the only male human she is really bonded with. She still goes crazy (in a good way) whenever she sees BIL. She is capable of bonding with human males as evidenced by her bonding with BIL. It was assumed she’d bond with me and she sorta did. Perhaps one difference is that BIL never made any attempt to discipline Remy. He allowed and encouraged her to jump up on people and furniture. I strongly discouraged her from doing those things. I did succeed in training her to not jump on furniture. The jumping on people thing, not so much.
Remy used to be fairly affectionate toward me, but that changed maybe 2 or so months ago. Now she seems afraid of me. I have no idea what I might have done. I’ve never hit her or even threatened to do so out of anger. I would talk to her in my low “you’re a bad girl” voice and maybe give her a light swat on the snoot to get her attention and/or attempt to get her to stop doing some undesired behavior. That’s the extent of my discipline. Given her skittish personality I went out of my way to not make her afraid of me
Yes, tho I will add that the dog will obey my wife when it suits the dog to do so.
Yes.
No, she seems to get along fine with other dogs she’s been exposed to.
Yes, but chasing rabbits and squirrels is what dogs do, I consider that normal behavior. She’s never actually caught one but I assume she’d consider it supper if she did.
Yes. She really goes nuts when wife leaves the house for more than a few minutes but does not take her car. Remy definitely keys in on the sound of the car. If momma takes car, momma is gone for a while, so that’s ok with Remy. If momma goes someplace but doesn’t take the car it means momma must be nearby and MUST BE FOUND!!!. There will be crying, howling and barking non-stop until momma dog reappears.
No. She chewed up a few things when she was much younger but I consider that normal puppy behavior. She has never destroyed anything out of frustration, that I can tell. Recently she started to defecate in the house, even tho she was outside minutes before to “do her duty”. She only shits on the floor when momma dog isn’t home. It doesn’t happen every day but it never used to happen at all. I take it that the defecation is her indication of some sort of frustration or anger, perhaps separation anxiety.
Yes. I cannot get close enough to put a leash on her. This is not new, she’s always been like that with me. I used to be able to approach her and get a leash on her if I was sneaky and very quick about it. But I had to be quick because if she got a glimpse of the leash, she was outta there. OTOH, wife can get a harness on Remy and attach a leash. There might be a minor struggle but Remy will acquiesce to her.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and wager that a doggie DNA test would show a large percentage of pitbull/Am Staff and similar breeds. The behaviors you’ve described are common to the breed, as is a higher than normal incidence of the dog “suddenly snapping” and going viciously for random humans with no provocation. This is not an abused dog who had to be “rescued” from some dreadful situation, this is a puppy adopted at a bog standard age for puppies to be adopted. That neuroticism, obsessive attachment, resource guarding and stubbornness she displays are all traits dog trainers, vets and dog behaviorists readily identify as being quite common in pits. The problem is that the dogs were bred for fighting, for “gameness” and aggression and once those traits show you can’t change the dog. You cannot train out that which was bred in. People have no problem noticing that a border collie puppy often instinctively herds things, that a pointer puppy points without training, a beagle or foxhound follows its nose and a Great Pyrenese guards smaller animals from threats–it’s no less likely that a dog bred to fight is gonna…fight.
Personally, I’d give SIL one and only one chance to take Remy back then I’d arrange a behavioral euthanasia. The dog is not happy, is not going to ever be a happy go lucky fun companion. The best you can hope for is that you never relax your vigilance to allow a chance for her to get a bite in on you–google for a video of “pitbull destroys tesla” for an idea of just how much damage even a forty pound dog with every gene in her body honed for destruction can do. I’m sorry for your wife, I’m sure this is hard for her, but a bully breed dog that snaps has the potential to inflict life threatening injuries and all the happy thoughts and wishing it weren’t so won’t change her.
Thank you for providing some succinct wordage and helping me clarify my thoughts in a difficult emotional situation. For the moment it’s best that I leave the subject alone with Mrs. Mortimus. We’ve discussed it and I’ve expressed urgency. Having done that and knowing her, it’s best to let it stew in her head a bit before I gently broach the subject again. She admits Remy should go away, so that’s a start.
Our household is egalitarian, I rarely TELL my wife anything. But I TOLD her that if Remy EVER threatens me again, the dog is immediately gone by whatever means necessary. She seemed to accept that.
Egalitarian is one thing but I don’t think it’s a violation of a relationship to draw a line at things which carry a substantial level of danger and possible death for one or both of the partners. I wish you the very best of luck with Remy and I just hope your SIL doesn’t “take her back” to immediately turn her over to a shelter in order to duck responsibility and make this problematical critter someone else’s problem. The habit shelters have of nondisclosure and outright hiding of bite histories is a big issue and I’m sure neither you nor your wife would want this dog foisted off onto a family with kids who might trigger the dog into violence. That would suck immensely and I bet the guilt would never go away.
This. Many times this. A difficult dog under a lot of stress, teamed up with neophyte dog trainers/owners is just so unfortunate, mostly for the dog.
Consult a professional who is experienced with dogs who bite. Ask for references. This is by far your best choice. If they tell you the dog is too dangerous for you, then it is.