Thing one: music your parents like
Thing two: music your kids like
Songs with a spoken-word heartfelt love poem in the middle.
Here are twelve things courtesy Mr. Harvey Sid Fisher:
Listen and cringe…
I liked the dancer.
Country Glurge. (Teddy Bear, by Red Sovine.)
Technically true, but since the real line of demarcation between Fifties music and Sixties music is the British invasion, it’s still Fifties in every way that counts.
Sorry, Beckdawrek, about the grocery stores where you live. Around here, you really never know what era you’re gonna hear - including the present era. I’ll typically hear more music from the past 5 years in a grocery store than music from before 1970.
WaifPop
Nope, I think I have it beat.
It’s kind of raunchy, although there is no nudity, so be warned.
Autotune.
But worse than that is pop country with autotune. Double bonus points of they use a snap track or clap track for the rhythm.
Who am I kidding? The worst thing ever are the rap stylings of Toronto’s own Chuggo. He’s like Mr. Jiggly-Puff, except with F-bombs and he takes himself completely seriously.
Yeah, that’s… that’s… that’s… Yeah.
“Southern Nights”?
Speechless.
Oh, great. About to go to the gym to treadmill and now the whole time I’ll have “huvvaboad huvvaboad huvvaboad” going through my head.
Maybe I’ll plug in my headphones to listen to Fox News instead.
I noticed that you didn’t make the same request of others.
That’s a worthy contender, but the real answer is what I (politely) refer to as CCC. Contemporary Christian Crap. It’s that stuff on radio stations that are programmed by the likes of K-love (http://www.klove.com/). It’s not rock, it’s more like sappy, easy-listening, praise stuff. Most of the newly formed, contemporary christian churches are awash in this drivel, too. Ugggghhhhhh.
Sure, it may have a positive, uplifting message (for some), but the amount of musical muscle on these songs can only be measured in picograms.
*Edited to add a warning to only click the player button at the K-love link if you want to have a pop-under player load and start playing shitty music. I was able to shut it off by closing my browser, but closing the tab did butkiss. Probably safe for work, though.
Screeching voices and screeching guitars WTF?
While I don’t care for Yanni, I’d argue that new-age music isn’t inherently bad. I actually like Hearts of Space, for instance, although I almost always forget to listen to it and the lack of a free podcast doesn’t help. (Not to mention that the website, hos.com, is somewhat unfortunate.) Much like various modern composers (Philip Glass and other minimalists, for example) which may sound odd, the good stuff is actually grounded in music theory and experimentation with what music actually is. I don’t have the knowledge of music theory I need to explain it by any means, but it’s still the difference between good and bad. Now, I’d agree that it’s very easy to make something bad in those genres, but that’s because it requires actually understanding what you’re subverting first to do it well.
[quote=“SigMan, post:56, topic:828448”]
Screeching voices and screeching guitars WTF?
[/QUOTE]The problem there is that Bloodspot is kind of lame as bands like that go…
And I’ve been moderate 
I mean, any of those is fuckin’ Mozart when you put it next to a Muzak version of “Last Christmas” (and I don’t even like the original).
Nava, I’ll see your TV cringepop and raise you a herd of depressed elephants failing to mate. At least I think that’s what’s going on here.