Well, this morning dawned rainy and COLD - cold enough that you see your breath. I pulled a muscle in my left calf and the center of my left butt-cheek shagging on the couch last night, so I am all outta wack. I get everyone up and dressed and Ted off to school,then at the daycare, I go in with Frankie, and when I leave, the car wont start. I cant reach anyone, so I have to abandon the car there, and walk the 8-10 blocks to work. In the rain. I am without umbrella, and I am wearing a light dress jacket over a long thin rayon skirt, (no nylons) and heels. I get half a block before a passing car soaks the side of me.
By the time i get to work, my cheeks are so numb my voice sounds funny (like when you eat too much ice cream) my hands are like ice, and the hem of my skirt slaps wet and cold against my frozen legs. I am 30 minutes late. I divest myself of my wet coat and sit at my desk to feel sorry for myself. My hair starts to drip down my back.
I get a cramp.
I go to the bathroom.
Now I have the shits,
Please continue to laugh.
Dont worry about me, I will be fine.
After I kill someone.