Need a Laugh? Read about my Monday Morning.

Well, this morning dawned rainy and COLD - cold enough that you see your breath. I pulled a muscle in my left calf and the center of my left butt-cheek shagging on the couch last night, so I am all outta wack. I get everyone up and dressed and Ted off to school,then at the daycare, I go in with Frankie, and when I leave, the car wont start. I cant reach anyone, so I have to abandon the car there, and walk the 8-10 blocks to work. In the rain. I am without umbrella, and I am wearing a light dress jacket over a long thin rayon skirt, (no nylons) and heels. I get half a block before a passing car soaks the side of me.
By the time i get to work, my cheeks are so numb my voice sounds funny (like when you eat too much ice cream) my hands are like ice, and the hem of my skirt slaps wet and cold against my frozen legs. I am 30 minutes late. I divest myself of my wet coat and sit at my desk to feel sorry for myself. My hair starts to drip down my back.

I get a cramp.
I go to the bathroom.
Now I have the shits,
at work!

Please continue to laugh.
Dont worry about me, I will be fine.
After I kill someone.

Kelli, how could we possibly laugh at your plight. We are all compassionate, caring souls here. Yeah, right. okay, now you can laugh. Need a ride home from work?

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” - Humphrey Bogart

She won’t be replying for a while. I have visions of her looking much like Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber during the shits scene.


“To me, socks are like sex. Tons of it about, and I don’t seem to get any.”

The Legend Of PigeonMan

Whoah !! Is the couch OK though ?

Just kidding. I’m sorry Kell. Hope your day turns a little brighter. Eat a banana or something, they’re supposed to help. Also, drink tea, not coffee, and if you smoke: don’t. You might as well take the phone with you to the loo otherwise :wink:

Get well soon, and get a decent car. I suppose in Canada, you really need one, eh ?


“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

You guys crack me up - thanks.

Unclebeer, I am off at 5.

Guanolad, it was a one time shits thing (crossing fingers) great image BTW, very funny! See the irony is…I never poop in public bathrooms!

And Coldfire…the couch is fine, but I doubt “B” will ever be the same! ( he is suffering today too…3rd degree rugburn! :D)

What a joy to be able to laugh at one’s situation.

PS: ever hear of a taxi?

Happy Monday Kelli!!

We are, each of us angels with only one wing;
and we can only fly by
embracing one another

As Kelli would say:
Have some cookies and go walk around barefoot in the warm grass…that will make you smile :slight_smile:

or, as Zette says:
Yell at everyone all day long, bitch and moan, elicit sympathy, go home and eat your face off. that will make you smile :slight_smile:

Anyway, hope your day goes better-

Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

Well…kelli’s ides SUCKS- I have no stinking cookies, and I am still too cold to go back out to walk somewhere for lunch.(Its 3pm now, and I am STARVING!!)
and the damn grass is COLD & WET!

I like zette’s idea better…I have half a large chocolate amaretto cheese cake with an oreo crust just begging for attention in the fridge.Add 20 steaming cups of cocoa…and I will be fine by tomorrow.

Side note…my car is now at my dad’s shop…they can find NO REASON for the problem this morning. All systems are go.

Did I actually SAY that tripe about the grass & cookies??Someone slap me! :wink:

Kelli, I’m sorry to report that you did indeed spew that tripe about the cookies and putting your toes in the grass…I’ll do my best to substantiate it, but rest assured I lost my lunch when I read it :slight_smile:

Have a better day!!!

Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

OK, Kelli…I misquoted you a bit, but here’s the actual quote…Don’t hate me for this! :slight_smile:

That was in response to this thread:
So let us know how it works :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

OOps, that should have been SMOKE SOME GRASS!

And the day just gets worse…
I just picked up my car. The carbeurator has been leaking gas…so fucking what?? its 20 years old! In human years, it is elderly, and a bit incontinent. So dad gets the great idea to CHANGE the carbeurator…but the one he puts on is a piece of shit! Now my car barely runs :frowning: :frowning: :frowning:

zette, I dont think there is enough grass or chocolate milk to fix this.

I love that stupid car, and its all fucked up, and I am trying really hard not to cry, cause its a CAR! for the love of pete, ! But I can hardly see the keys, so I better quit now.


Kelli, no one can honestly say that they havent had a day like yours. (Although, yours REALLY is bad…) Im sure things will look up.
I learned something a few years ago applause, applause that if your day starts off wrong, usually its going to continue that way. Therefore, when I feel its going to be a SPLUT day, term derived from Garfield just to stay in bed or be prepared for the worse.
At one point I had to give a speech, but I forgot the speech, tripped, flat on my face, on the way up to the podium, then spilled some babble about the indepth theories of Windows of which i had no idea made up things as i went, and got congradulated on a wonderful job I did.After avoiding the teacher the whole period, things got worse-of course. I tripped on the door jam on the way out… spilling coffee all over my 72 year old computer Basic teacher,who also got her piece of chocolate pie ingrained into her BRAND NEW DRESS, and got myself a big nice fat F. not to mention the rest of my day But, i hope that made you chuckle a bit. Try to have a nice day.

–Never throw cats at glass houses. They go “THUMP!” -Counterattackii

Let me be the first to express this sentiment. You got laid last night! The day can’t possibly be that bad. A little shagging always brightens the next day immeasurably, and if it doesn’t then he wasn’t doing it right ;). If not you’d better call him up and schedule another session as soon as you get home from work, hell do it over lunch if need be.

People taking sex for granted, how dare you!

Look at the bright side, You could have got the squirts while he was shaggin’ ya rotten, baby.


Oh shit! I was suppose to pick up Kelli at 5pm. I’m gonna be a little late. Sorry Kells.

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” - Humphrey Bogart

I am ok…the whole car thing really got me down, but its just a car. I get WAY too attached to these old cars.

Thanks for making me laugh, and its a good thing the 'shits cleared up,or I would have squirted in my drawers from bubba’s comment. Too funny!

Very funny Scotty…
Now beam up my clothes!

Omniscient: Amen, if you’re gonna pull a muscle, might as well pull it shaggin’.

JMcC, San Francisco
“Hear the voices in my head, I swear to God it sounds like they’re snoring”

I agree. Kelli, what’re you complaining about? You got some on ya!

Yer pal,

Heh, heh, heh…pulling a muscle…heh, heh, heh…

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.