Need advice - crazy and seeking employment.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Hi, you might remember me from such threads as What’s it like being seriously nuts?. I’ve also put up some info here which covers the depression side of things.

For the last year, I’ve been unemployed. I studied for the first half of the year before hitting a black period and retreating from the world for the next five or six months. Normally my down times don’t last that long, but this one seems to be lingering. Even though I’m back to myself in terms of being able to formulate thoughts and express myself clearly, I’m still … well, I guess the word is scared. I’m scared of the world outside, but my husband needs me to go back to work. If there’s one thing this message board has taught me it’s that there are a lot of people who can relate to this kind of thing, so I ask you - how do you cope with employment?

What kind of careers can you recommend to someone who is socially phobic, prone to gaps in her memory, and is scared to take a job outside the home because she’s been known to hallucinate? So far, medication hasn’t proved effective as a treatment, because everything that’s ‘worked’ (using the term loosely) has only done so by making me sleep all day and blunting my brain to the point where forming a sentence is difficult.

I applied for part-time work in the evenings, stacking shelves at the local supermarkets. Turns out, they don’t want to know you if you’re not on junior rates. I thought night work might be a good idea, since there’s less people involved and I’m normally geared to be wakeful at night. I’ve worked as a temp for the last few years, but the problem with being unavailable for months at a time is that the agency puts you further down their ‘contact’ list. Also, not being able to commit to long-term contracts limits the options.

Basically, I don’t know what to do for work. I’m 31 years old, and have been employed (when ‘sane’) since I was out of school. I know what I *want * to do - I want to never, ever work again. I want to leave my house only when required. But since I don’t play the lottery and the instant-win scratch tickets I got for Xmas only paid $3, I don’t think that’s an option.

And yet, I just don’t think I can do it anymore, to be honest. Every year it gets harder. Still, gotta try.

(TMI warning) During my last job - which, I might add, I actually *liked * - I was still stressed enough that I had constant diarrhea for the entirety of the contract. I worked for over a year on that job, off and on, and yes - the diarrhea lasted every.single.day. for the duration. Naturally, thinking on going back to work for the last few weeks has had the same result. I’m truly astonished I can actually be obese - I must have the world’s most efficient digestive system if it can get anything out of what I eat. (/TMI)

So, nutjobs of the SDMB - what kind of work have you found you can do? What do you reckon I could do? If there’s any real kind of work-from-home options involved, that would be best. I function much better at home.

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Sorry to hear you’ve had such a crap year, Khiadra. Hope it picks up a bit soon.

A few suggestions… they are fairly menial jobs which I hope you don’t find insulting. I just thought they meet some of your criteria and I’m not sure what other specific skills you have.

  1. Ever though about commercial cleaning for a small-to-medium sized office? Basically all your shifts are at night time when there is nobody else around so you don’t have to talk to anyone. I wouldn’t say that emptying waste paper baskets and vacuuming are exciting tasks but at least it’s not too stressful. Also I think employers are more keen to have someone older and more reliable than just going for the cheap junior wage option.

  2. How about running an ironing service in your home. I’m sure the pay would be pretty terrible, but at least it would be a bit of money coming in. You can work from home at whatever time of the day or night you want.

  3. What about being a book shelver at a library? At most university libraries there are jobs where your only task is to shelve books. If people want to make an enquiry they talk to the librarians, not the shelvers. In fact, lots of the shelvers are listening to music with headphones while they shelve so they really don’t have to have too much contact with others at all.

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FreshSheets, thank you for your kind words and helpful suggestions!

My experience until now has been as a Personal Assistant (ie, a clerical background) but I’ve never held any illusions that a person’s job or education level reflects on them as a person. I’m also aware that with my list of caveats I’m probably looking at entry-level work. That’s okay. (For all my problems, lack of self-esteem isn’t one of them! :smiley: )

Sadly, cleaning is actually a semi-skilled profession here, if you can believe it. I’m pretty clued in on the commercial cleaning field because my mate’s parents both work as commercial cleaners, and they’ve already told me that it’s really hard to break into. No doubt the population here (<20,000) doesn’t help in terms of competition for cleaning contracts.

Plus, I probably should have mentioned I have very low energy levels. I very rarely manage my own cleaning.

Ironing: another good thought, and let’s face it - it’s cash in hand! I’ll keep this one under consideration, since I can always learn to iron. And buy an iron. :smiley:

Book shelver - hrm, that’s got me thinking. That kind of work at a public library is unpaid as it’d be a volunteer job, but maybe one of the local schools might want someone to stack books, do filing, or whatnot on a part-time basis? I’ll see about contacting them.

Thanks again for the suggestions, **FreshSheets ** - if anyone else has some, please mention them. Don’t think I’ll knock anything back as being ‘too trivial’ for me. Heck, I was trying to look up jobs for envelope stuffers today. :slight_smile:

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I once knew a SAHM who supplemented her income with typing up medical dictation…

5

I know this isn’t what you’re asking and it may or may not be the best thing for you, but you may qualify for disability.

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Sounds to me like you may need to switch doctors to get your phobias and depression under control before you try and conquer the working world. I know you said you’ve tried different medicines, but I’d suggest that you keep trying to find a combination of drugs and/or counseling that works better for you. Your mental health not only affects your employment opportunities but every aspect of your life. Search for the best doctor in your field in your area and make an appointment to see him/her. Go to the Mayo Clinic if you have to. But please don’t just accept that you have to live feeling fatigued and depressed all the time. Once you get your body chemistry back in balance, the rest will follow.

Good luck to you.

7

I can relate to you big time. Even work I like puts my anxiety and depression into high gear. I even tried just doing volunteer work last summer and couldn’t handle it.

That said, you could check out places in your area that do mass mailings. A lot of it is done by machine but there’s usually some mailings that need to be done by hand. It may be on-call for a while but that’s nice because you have a chance to depressurize in between jobs. I like this kind of work because it’s repetitive and keeps my hands busy but I get to sit most of the time. I can concentrate on my work and not have to deal with anything around me. Some places will let you wear headphones too.

You could also do some petsitting. If you live in an area that has Craig’s List you can advertise for free. I’ve done this and if I get to move at the end of this month, I will do more. It isn’t very lucrative but you can watch the dog or cat in your home. If you don’t have a yard, most dogs are happy with a walk around a block or two a couple times a day though a trip to a park is beneficial for both of you. It’s much easier to interract with pets when you’re depressed than people. It would probably give you a little lift to have one or two around for a little while. Also, if you rent and you’re not allowed to have your own pet, most places don’t mind if you have them visiting.

Also, I agree with PunditLisa. It may be time to see what other medical options you may have.

You also should find a lawyer who deals in getting people SSI benefits. This is what I did and it worked for me. Though it still takes a couple years to get on, I firmly believe a lawyer can speed the process. They can also arrange for psychiatric and medical tests to support your case and help you with all the paperwork and all that. You only pay them if you do get benefits and that comes out of the lump sum the government sends you that covers the time from when you first applied for benefits to the time you win your case. I still saw quite a chunk of money (to me) after the lawyers got their share. But most of all, it’s nice to know I’m not totally destitute when I’m not working. It’s not much by most peoples’ standards but it helps.

Good luck from a fellow sufferer. If I come up with anything else, I’ll let you know.

8

Thank you, everyone who replied - they’re all good suggestions.

I can’t speak for the rest of Australia, but I can tell you that trying to get any real help in South Australia hasn’t proved to be an easy job, and I’m really just worn down by it.

I was told by an endocrinologist that it wasn’t worth the effort to try and look at fixing my very high blood cortisol levels ‘because you’re not having kids anyway’. When I try to get help from a GP for fatigue and depression I’m told to take up walking because obviously I’m depressed about my weight and what I really need to do is lose it (uh, no, been heavy all my life and only suffer twinges of sadness about it when it comes to lovely clothing that I couldn’t be seen in). Incidentally, turns out high cortisol levels don’t help your weight, nor does polycystic ovaries - but again, I’m not having kids so the doctors aren’t interested.

For some reason I seem to react badly to even small doses of antidepressant - they blur my thinking to the point where I can’t express myself properly and although they take away the fear side of things, they leave me so apathetic about the world that I just want to lay with my eyes closed. I’d read, but medicated I lose the ability to concentrate, so that’s out. And anything in the Prozac line raises my blood pressure and heart rate to horrible levels. My heart rate while sleeping, on Prozac, was 113 bpm.

I tend to agree that if there was any justice in the world I’d be on disability and not forced into finding work, but Social Security in this country has been screwed over by so many fakers that they’re not going to give a pension to someone with a mental disorder unless they’re a drooling mess or clearly psychotic. They like nice clean disabilities, like missing limbs. Can’t argue with a missing limb, but the only person who knows how real a mental disorder is, is the person suffering it - and Social Security definitely won’t be interested in supporting me, since to all intents and purposes I appear to function just fine in society.

Tikki, your advice is very appreciated - and it’s good to know that someone else understands that even a job you *enjoy * can still be bad for you in the long run.

Unfortunately medical tests are ‘pay as you go’, and waiting lists for Psychiatrists in Adelaide and suburbs are five months minimum according to my GP (we need a referral from GP to a Psychiatrist here - not sure what the system is in the US).

I went to a psychiatrist last year but she made me feel worse in some ways because her opinion was that if I wasn’t going to be a useful wage earner, I should be an exceptional housewife and wait on my husband hand and foot. She clearly felt he was getting a raw deal. Frankly, I’m not sure she understands depression where getting out of bed to shower and then return is a victory, because you actually got out of bed and showered. Add to that the fact that the massive waiting list meant I’d been through the worst of it untreated and was on my way out all by my lonesome, and I truly doubt she was much good for me.

**You know what, reading what I’ve just written I’m actually feeling angry. **

No doctor should have the right to treat me as a waste of their time just because I’m not planning on having kids or because I’m overweight. It’s disgusting that I don’t get taken seriously because everyone’s sure that I’m a fat girl depressed about being fat, no matter what else I tell them.

I have good health insurance, and it’s obscene that I should have to wait 5 months to see a psychiatrist. And I’m feeling really pissed that the one psychiatrist I *did * see didn’t hesitate to tell me how I failed as a woman because I wasn’t playing servant to my husband and didn’t ‘dress in a womanly fashion’ to appeal to him. Fuck her. (For the record, my husband was dumbfounded by this assessment when I told him.)

Frankly, I think I’m sick of feeling like there’s no way out of this lifestyle, and I’m sick of getting Mickey Mouse doctors. Right now, I’m going to start shopping around for a new doctor. I don’t need 2005 to be another grey repeat of the last 10 years or so.

Funny place to find a sense of self-righteousness, but while I’ve got it I’m going to work with it. Thank you, everyone.