I’ll vote the entirely opposite tack from Oak, Idle: if she friended you, and you accepted, there’s a sense of friend obligation there. Further, blood means jack shit next to character, and the only character your brother has is apparently “bit player from Swingers”.
Sink the asshole completely–tell BOTH girlfriends what’s going on, and tell him you don’t give a shit what a goddamn lowdown cheater thinks when he gets mad at you for it. Revel in his pitiful fits of wangst-rage as he tries to play the victim card. ENJOY being an agent of truth and righteousness in the world. It’s what I’D do.
Eh, long-distance relationships happen. I’ve been in a few when at the age being discussed (21-22) when “a few times a year” was literally the best we could do. You talk every day anyway, and for some people that suffices to get very close.
Screw that. We have a concept of “the black sheep” for a reason–sometimes blood just means you have to spend more time in the same house with an asshole until you can kick him to the curb when you move away from momma.
shrug I’ve done the long distance thing, too, but I don’t get serious with a man I can’t physically get to know on some level, too. And in those long distance relationships, we’ve made sacrifices to see each other every so often. Fucking once + daily Facebook chatting does not a relationship make. And it certainly does not make it ok for either party to harass the parents of the other person. Hell, even if they had been fucking every day, texting his mom is fucking weird.
Oh, definitely tell his current woman about all of this, unless you want to go through all of this again. And again. And again.
How long are you going to cover for him? Each time you do, you’re obligated a little bit more to cover his ass. Tell him to grow up…and then LET him, by not enabling him to be a little whining baby brat who can’t handle his shit.
You don’t, but at least three girls do. My relationship history is my cite (I ended up dating girls who I only saw when I could scrape together $150 for bus fare or when our acapella groups happened to be performing in the same place.)
Facebook-girlfriend sounds pretty immature,and/or weird, but I still think you should tell her. It’s clear that your brother doesn’t care what she knows, and it would be a kindness to her.
Set him a deadline. “Girl A is a nice girl and doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. Just because you are uncomfortable with your own actions doesn’t make it OK for you to wimp out on doing your gentlemanly duty. Tell her that you are no longer an item by Day X [I’d suggest a week away at most] or I will”.
Again, he certainly does care, in case you missed the post above where he tried to forbid our mom from telling her the truth and finally took to outright begging her not to tell Girl A.
Anyway, though, I’m going to sleep on it for tonight. Thanks for all the replies and I hope more are forthcoming.
Why is the OP even thinking about ratting out his brother? It would likely fuck up his relationship with Girl B too, who is the only one who can resolve the whole mess.
Douche brother moves in with Girl B. He’s now her problem. Mom’s problem is solved at the cost of a new phone and changing her email address.
This isn’t the homecoming queen in your small town of 5000. This is some girl from far away that your brother used and is avoiding like a little pussy.
Your brother is an asshole and this is a drop in the bucket of stupid shit he has and will do over his life, and lord knows that every time he does stupid shit it somehow ends up involving your mom and you.
This girl is freaking out, mom is getting texts, you’re worried. The only person not thinking about this situation at all is your shithead brother.
And I agree with whoever said “who cares if he’s pissed off at you?” Isn’t he a prince who’s pissed off at everyone all the time anyway?
What a loser. Why are you and mom investing so much time in this situation? End it now.
This right here. Tell her and hurry up about it, too. She deserves the truth and your brother deserves a boot to the face. His predatory behavior should be of much more concern to you than his privacy. Has it occurred to you that he chose this girl specifically because he knew she was desperate for companionship? He knew she would be desperate enough to wait for him. He planned this. He’s enjoying it. He wants to be wanted and that’s why he won’t just tell her it’s over and let her get on with her life.
He’s a hateful user and you’ve wasted too much time letting this asshole use you as the toilet paper to clean up his messes. Grow a fucking spine and tell him that if he wants something to be his own business then he needs to keep it to his own damned self and not get other people involved. Are you going to cover for him for the rest of his pathetic Jerry Springer-esque life? I can see you now trying to keep his baby mamas from knifing each other on the porch when they realize he got all three of them pregnant at the same time. I hope you don’t think he’ll care when one them stabs you and leaves you in the yard to die. Be the man he isn’t and tell him where he can take his idiotic drama and go. Let him be mad. So what? What’s he going to do? Stop speaking to you? Aww, what a shame. not
Couldn’t have said it better myself. I would normally say mind your own business, but Idle Thoughts’ brother is such a shit that in this instance I say tell her.
What exactly is he planning to explain to Girl A [del]if[/del] when Girl B dumps him? Is she such a doormat that she’ll forget all about frantically calling his family members for weeks wondering if he was alive or dead and just take him back like nothing happened? The way he’s been treating her, it’s not necessarily up to him whether or not he gets Girl A back now, even if nobody else tells her the whole truth.
Man, it really seems like a lot of dopers feel so strongly about this on both sides. Lots of suggestions that I tell her, for sure–some even saying as soon as possible.
But also many suggestions that I mind my own business–some even saying it would be a bad thing to “rat” out my own brother and that it’s my “job to cover for him” at all times.
Thanks for the replies. I’ve decided to send her a message before I finally go to bed, though. I sent it a few minutes ago and updated her on everything.
In the end, I agreed more with those saying he’s been doing this (and getting away with it without fear of consequences) for too long. Really, I had already been leaning towards telling her, but just wanted to see I wasn’t the only one who would choose that, being in my position. I thought it was a really shitty thing to do to a person from the start, so it was nice to see I wasn’t alone in my thoughts that that asshole should finally stop getting what he wants just because he thinks he’s the high and mighty.
Eventually he’s going to have a few lessons he’ll learn that are even harder than that, so here’s hoping this is a good place to start.
Yeah you pull the black sheep option when your brother is stealing from your mother or something equally horrendous, not because he’s being a shit to a girl.
Stay out of it. Don’t tell her. This will resolve without your involvement.
Your brother is a dick. So what. It is not a situation where he is stealing from her, or putting her in any kind of danger. I’ve dropped girls in a similar fashion and believe me when I say that my brother and I would have had a problem if he got involved.
WTF, are you his daddy or his brother? Who are you to teach him a few lessons? So what, he’s ignoring a bootie call. Big fuckin’ deal. This little lesson is going to drive a trust wedge between both of you. Hope this girl is worth it.
I disagree with you, for one. For two, you’re wrong about it being a “booty call”.
Sorry to say, I know more about the situation than you do and him and Girl A had a pretty serious relationship for a long time. Sure, it was long distance and they only met twice, but it was still serious to them from what I heard of every time I visited there over the last year.
If that happens, then it happens. Good thing I’m not your brother, eh?
(I ended up dating girls who I only saw when I could scrape together $150 for bus fare or when our acapella groups happened to be performing in the same place.)