Need help from the ladies. Guys, too, I guess.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

OK. I have a problem. This was kind of brought on by Kelli in another thread, but my situation is a bit different. A couple of weeks ago, I had a blind date. It went pretty well, and we had a great time. But, even though we got along great, we both realized that we would never be more than friends. We both mentioned this about halfway through the date, but did agree to go out some more, though. So, here I am with a girl I will probably never sleep with. And we’ve become really good friends. Should I be scared? OK. That’s not my question. We’ve been out 3 times since the 7th(8th? Can’t remember), and now I have a problem. I am really starting to like her more and more. Her birthday is Thursday and she’s having a little party over at her place. I get to meet her parents, which would be even wierder if she and I actually were dating, and a whole bunch of her friends. The parents I can handle. You know, get them to like me and maybe they’ll throw in a good word. “Hey, Allison. You know that guy…”. Anyway, there are two things that make this wierder. I don’t know what to get her. Every other time I’ve had to get a girl, woman, whatever, a birthday present, she’s been a friend of myself and my then current girlfriend. I just have my gf pick out something she’d like, I pay for it, and sign the card. Easy enough. I don’t have that luxury this time. And the worst thing. She and I have been talking about relationships. She likes this guy she works with and he doesn’t know it. Plus, she’s invited him to the party. This sucks.

So, after this long winded explanation of my problems, here’s what I need.

  1. What should I get her?
  2. Should I hurry up and tell her how I feel.

The gift isn’t a big deal, but I’m afraid she’ll be pissed if I tell her how I feel because I know she likes this other guy. That’s what makes this different from kelli’s situation. There is potentially someone else involved. I almost thing I should start 2 threads on this. Any advice?

2

Quick addendum. Another difference between my problem and kelli’s is that I’m not in love with this girl, I just like her a lot. Please keep that in mind. Thanks.

3

Chick opinion coming in…

  1. Gift certificates are always good. Get one to a record store or a bookstore. Or from Amazon. Shows you care, but they can pick out their own stuff. Nice without being too sappy and scary, ya know?

  2. Hmmmm. Well, it depends. How does she act around you? Friendly, or does she flirt a little? Personally, I say tell her, but I’m of the “better to know and be hurt for a moment than long for her forever” school.

4

Oh boy. That’s a tough one.
#2 If you do tell her how you feel (i don’t think you should do it at the party) are you prepared for the result of that action? She could say “I feel the same way” or… you could lose her as a friend. If you guys are already friends though she should understand, but you never know. Maybe you could just start dropping some hints? You could always wait it out with this other guy she likes and then tell her.

#1 If you decide to do number 2, you could give her a gift that says “i have an interest in you”. But, her parents and friends are all going to be there so I would get her a neutral present. Then play attention to her interaction with the other guy-since he’s going to be there- and note his gift to her. Then you can tell if he feels the same way about her. If he does, your best bet is probably to just be friends. If he doesn’t however, (he might not even show) then it’s open for you to make your move.

5

Okay, if this girl has already let you know that she likes another guy, it’s over. Harbor no illusions of ever getting in her pants. It can still happen, but it probably won’t, and the suffering isn’t worth it.
That said, if you can put sleeping with them out of your mind, girls can be good friends. Notably, their friends are usually also girls. See someone at the party you like? Bingo, you’ve got an in. And, hey… asking about her might make your new friend jealous.
As for a present… be cheap. It’s only been a couple weeks, and she’ aint your girlfriend. Being “just friends” and spending money on presents just marks you a loser. Or, as my girlfriend puts it, a “sweetheart”.

6

Get her the ever gender-neutral CD of something. It doesn’t say anything more than “I thought you might like this.”

7

Thanks for the tips, everybody. Falcon, I like the gift certificate thing. Amazon sounds good. You can get anything there. How much do you think it should be for. I don’t want to be cheap, but we haven’t known each other long enough for me to spend too much.

As for telling her how I feel, I won’t do it at the party. That would be way to awkward. I’ve decided to wait and see how this guy thinks about her. Maybe I’ll get lucky and he’ll bring a date. Actually, I probably shouldn’t wish that. I’ll check out his gift and see what her friends are saying.

Falcon, you asked how she acted around me. I can’t really sense any flirting, and I’ve tried my hardest to keep it to a minimum on my part. It’s like I’m hanging out with my best guy friend. Except the guy friend would be cute and I would hug him and imagine him naked. So, I guess it’s not like a guy friend much at all, but you get the point. We have agreat time together. We like the same things and enjoy each other’s company. There was just something about that first night where we didn’t click right off. It later clicked for me, and I’m wondering if she’ll feel the same way.

My last posibility is this. I’m desparate. My gf of 2 1/2 years broke up with me in February. I went through that period where I thought I had to have a gf and it wasn’t working out. A couple weeks after I get over that and hit the “It’ll happen when it happens” stage, Allison shows up. Maybe I’m desparate and don’t really know it. We’ll see. Thanks for all your help.

8

  1. Does she like to read? Book store certs are always a good bet for readers. Or CD certs.

  2. Ditto Madpoet. If she told you she wanted to be friends on the first date, that’s a big warning sign. The fact that she is discussing other men with you is a giant stop sign. She’s not interested. Move on to someone who will apprechiate you.

9

Upon further consideration, I must agree with Swiddles and MadPoet on #2. That’s how I got burned a lot in school. Yes, I know it sucks. :frowning:

As for the amount…I’d say enough to buy one CD. $15, maybe?

10

Aglarond, i’m entering into a blind date myself tonite. My advice is not to bother telling her anything. Mad and Swiddles give good advice on the warning signs. I’ve been in the wierd post breakup stage as well, and perhaps that is why i am so eager to go out with this girl tonite. I don’t even know what she looks like, it’s wierd for me, but regardless, i don’t think i will take anything personally right now. As you shouldn’t. Try moving on, and be patient. If you feel it’ll happen when it happens, then perhaps it will. Good luck buddy.

11

OK. I guess it’s decided then. I’m going to get her a $20 Amazon gift certificate which will be here tomorrow. I just ordered it. That should handle a CD with shipping, I think. Also, I’m not going to tell her at all. If she’s ever interested, she can come to me. In the meantime, I’m just going to try to meet other people at the party. I’m new to the area, so this will be a good opportunity for me. The more I think about it, the more I realize I just miss being with someone. It’s times like these when I miss school. It used to be so easy to meet people. Oh well, thanks everybody.

12

Hey Aglarod – don’t know when the b’day is, but if I were you I’d really try hard to avoid gift certificates. They’re so… impersonal.

If you want to go the gift certificate route, get her a gift certificate to a local movie theater, tucked in a card that says “Let’s go watch a funny movie!” so it implies not just tickets, but that you’ll do something together. Mentioning “funny movie” takes some of the weight off of the concern of whether she’ll misunderstand this as your way of trying to cop a feel in a dark theater during a sappy romance film.

Why don’t you try something else, like getting her a nice blank journal? It’s blank, yes… but you can be gifting it to her to say “fill it with lots of memories and thoughts”. It’s generic, but personalizable. You can even get a nice one that you can have monogrammed with her name, which would be nice and personal.

Either way it could be a friendly gesture without pressure.

13

I agree with baglady. Vouchers are a bit impersonal. Get her a trinket or something a little weird. The journal idea is a great one.

But don’t get your hopes up too high. It sounds like you’re already entrenched in ‘the friends zone.’

14

Oh goody, another chance for me to share relationship advice. I’m so good at them myself.

Funny to note how everyone is recommending in another thread to MagicalSilverKey to just go for it, what do you have to lose, but here telling you it’s not worth it, don’t even try.

Question for clarification: that first date, both of you came to a decision about halfway through that things wouldn’t ever work out. Now you’re saying she’s grown on you, and you like her more and more. Does that mean you’ve rethought the conclusion you reached earlier, and think there’s potential? Or are you just saying you find her more and more attractive and fun, but still don’t think you’d be long-term romantically compatible? Because that’s going to play a role in what to do.

Assuming you still think the conclusion was valid, you just are appreciating some of her personality more, I would say don’t push it, you’re just lonely and horny and she’s a convenient fantasy. Be friends, try to enjoy the friendship, and be happy that you actually enjoy being with your friend. And hope she helps set you up with other chicks.

But if you really have rethought the situation, and are thinking there are things you prejudged or misjudged, and maybe there could be something… then it gets tricky. First, because she said the same thing to you. That means that even if you have rethought it, she might not have. Second, she likes the guy at work, and has admitted it to you. That means if you’re serious about pursuing her, you will have to convince her (1) that whatever happened that first night was a fluke or error for both of you, and (2) she’d be better off/happier/more fun with you. 2 is probably doable - just point out how much fun the two of you have had, how much you get along, etc. 1 is trickier. How do you convince her to give you a second chance?

Party is not a good time for it. If you don’t do so before the party, see how she acts with the guy and how he responds. Hope you don’t lose your chance. (Been there, done that.)

Whatever happens, good luck.

As far as the gift, a $20 gift certificate is great. It says you want her to enjoy her gift, you thought enough to get something worthwhile she can use, yet you didn’t presume to know her taste in music since you’ve only started hanging out. No pressure, but more than just a card.

Disclaimer: this guy knows absolutely nothing about relationships. You’re listening to him?

15

How old is this chick?

handy usually does the outrageous & goes to Alberstons & gets a huge number of roses. That usually is a lot of fun, upstaging everyone.