prove seinfeld wrong... this birthday won't destroy the relationship

alright so i find myself in a tricky situation, friend of mine suggested enlisting help from sdmb, so here goes…

Just starting up a relationship with a girl in the past couple weeks. It’s not even officially a relationship at this point, just talked a whole lot and messed around once… things going well so naturally what do i come to find out? Her birthday is this weekend, she’s having a party, and i’ve gotta show up… not totally sure where things stand with us so this could be a little straining to say the least.

Anyway i could go on about the other uncomfortable circumstances surrounding this event, but the main thing i’m worried about is what to get her. I mean I’m not sure whatsoever if we’re even at a point where I should be getting her something… I can’t think of some witty little present, definitely wouldn’t be comfortable w/ a sexy boyfriend type gift, and wouldn’t know what kind of card to buy that would suit this stage of a relationship. I’m of course not trying to emphasize the “friend” angle at this point, but wouldn’t be down with a “to my girl” card either.

So in short, how bad might it be if i just didn’t get her anything? Any suggestions? Anybody has had any experience with this situation (either positive or negative would be helpful)?

heh… making my [sex]life-or-death decisions on sdmb… what have I come to

any insight would be much appreciated.


p.s. is this even the right forum for this? maybe mpsims but as this had a polling element to it thought it could go here

i don’t know, but anything is better than nothing, and nothing is better than just thoughtlessly getting anything.

good luck

I’m missing the big deal here. Get her a nice, cute gift. No jewelery or overly romantic crap, just get her something you’d think she’d like, but doesn’t cost a bomb. I can’t suggest anything specific, because I don’t know what she’s like, I don’t know what your situation is like exactly, but I’ve done everything from books to cutesy stuffed animals to thoughtful cards, but the approach was dependent on the person, of course.

But I would say, get a gift.

Get a gift… more like a small token.

I once had something similar happen to me. Just starting seeing a guy who was to graduate in 10 days time. WHat to do!

THe first night we had ever gone out… we went and had coffee at some greasy spoon joint. FOr some reason he LOVED the odd shaped spoons they had there. He made about 3-4 comments about the damn spoons.
I ended up going back to that same joint… asking for one of the odd shaped spoons (which they gave me free of charge) and I got his name engraved on the thing. (costed about 4 bucks)

I gave him a spoon and a congrats card for his graduation.

It was cheap as hell, just a small token… but it was personal.

We ended up dating for a year after that.

Best wishes.

Kaje, I was in a similar situation this valentine’s day… had just started seeing someone a week before.

I’m not much of a valentine person but I felt somewhat obligated to get her something… and I didn’t want to come off as a cheap bastard if she happened to be a valentine person.

Anyway. I got her a potted cactus.

A cactus, you say? Yes, a damn cactus. In the course of my conversations with her, I’d learnt that she’d had a small cactus that had died when she’d been on holidays. I thought a new one would serve as a nice gift. She loved it. The key here is to listen to her… if you’ve been chatting with her you should have an idea of what she likes… books, music, cactii, whatever :slight_smile:

As a guide, I try to keep the “first” gift of a relationship under the $30 mark. It’s the kind of gift that says “I like you, but I’m not a needy bastard who’s trying to impress you with huge gifts right at the start of a relationship”.

Hope this helps :slight_smile:

Yup. You can never go wrong with a nice potted plant. I give them for weddings, for funerals, as shower gifts, as birthday presents.

Or maybe a vintage bottle of wine or her favorite liquor paired with a c.d. of a group she likes. If she likes chocolate, perhaps some gourmet chocolates that can be opened there and shared. Or a gift certificate to her favorite bookstore along with some aromatherapy candles.

At this stage in the game, you can hardly go wrong, except perhaps being TOO extravagent.

MissBungle is right on the mark. Her gift is one of the best possible for the situation, but I wouldn’t count on the type of telegraphing that was going on for her.

Regardless, the impulse is absolutely dead on. Get something cheap, but which shows that in the short time you’ve known her, you’ve been paying atttention. A live CD by a band she likes, a t-shirt, a used hardcover edition of a book, something like that.

In this gift the thought is more important by far than the gift itself. Show your creativity, your sense of humor- that takes any potential pressure and squashes it like a bug.

If you’ve been invited to a party, a nice* bottle of wine is (nearly**) always appropriate.
*Not Mad Dog, but something decent >$10, no screw tops or boxes. I ususally bring a Merlot.

**Inappropriate, for instance, if the host is a tee-totaler.

I dumped a guy who screwed this one up. I really liked him, we were lovers, but my friends threw me a big birthday party and he called 2 hours before the party Saturday night, bailing. I met a very cute guy at my party and my friends gave him my number because ‘she’s dating a dumbass who stood her up tonight’. Cute guy called Monday, my birthday. My guy didn’t. I called my guy and told him I wanted to feel special on my special days. He said he didn’t feel like doing anything special. I said I didn’t feel like seeing him again. Three years later, I run into my guy and he said he regrets not going to the party, he freaked at being The Featured Boyfriend, what to give me as a birthday gift, all my friends expecting a lot, he just bailed.
If you like her, buy a blank card and write Happy Birthday, I’m glad I’m sharing it with you and your friends. Any little token for a gift. Just don’t blow it off like it’s not special. Her friends will give her number to a cute guy!


Chicks are suckers for chick things.

(Hi, im socrates :wink: )

Get a picture frame and throw any picture of you two together in it, wrap it up and voila! Instant girl gift - one that isnt “I love you” but also not “hi, we’re friends with benefits”.

Give her 182 dollars!

nothing says “not lovers but special pal” like seamonkeys.

Too early for picture frames and pictures, IMO.

I’d go for a book or CD, myself.

damn. didn’t expect so many responses.

alright so… seamonkeys it is…

Damn cyn… I know i could fuck this up but even I’m not THAT dumb.

I’m thinking wine might actually be a good idea… Of course I’m 5 months shy of legal and this is her 20th, but I’m sure i can work that out. Chicks dig the stuff in boxes right?

I wonder though, she’s taking a (non-drinking) course on wines now… how bad would it be if one of her friends bought her wine as well… heh there’s a good chance it would be better than mine.

anyway thanks all

stuffed animals are actually an incredibly versatile gift. You don’t need to shell out a lot of money for something of personal significance.

since you’re college age, if you’re at a different university from her you can get her a bear with your school logo on it (worked for me once).

If you share a fondness for a certain kids movie (whether a recent one like Lilo & Stitch, or an old one like The Care Bears Movie), you could get her a character from that one (worked even better for me). The fact is, every one of her interests has been merchandised for this very situation.

Also, a blank card works fine. Hallmark doesn’t seem to think there’s that much of a demand for “first date” cards . . . go figure.

wine glasses, then?

p.s. I ended up marrying a Doper—a happy ending!

I have no idea what a “sexy boyfriend type gift” is. I’ve never received a “sexy gift” in my entire life, and I’ve dated and lived with guys and am married.

Get her a DVD.

MissBungle: Jeez, you never cease to amaze me. Where in the hell are the women like you for the rest of us?

Anyhoo, this is a tough call, because you’re riding the razor’s edge of appropriateness no matter what you wind up doing. I have to disagree with the stuffed animals and DVD ideas, as they both seem kind of overdone and tired.

Having said that, how about fancy candles? If she’s into that kind of thing, it’s not only something she likes (and it shows you’ve been paying attention), but also something that you can share together on those long nights… alone… in the dark. Get the drift? It’s not over the top, but it’s personal and I think that’s what you really need in this situation.

First of all, I’m a chick and I hate chick things (most of them).

Secondly, a picture like that from a guy I was just getting to know would creep me the hell out.

Listen to MissBungle and the people who are agreeing with her.

How about flowers and a card? Not roses, just something interesting for her to put in a vase. Her friends will think it’s sweet and you’ll look like a good guy without being too cutsie or psycho.

Then, if it works out, you can give her the same flowers for her birthday every year which will get you bonus points for being sentimental.