The Millihelen is but one of the zillions of hilarious things in Science Made Stupid by Tom Weller.
Let’s not forget its lesser known sequel, Cvltvre Made Stupid/, source of such wisdom as Three Composers Whose Names You Can Teach Your Dog (Bach; Orff; Bartok); Frank Lloyd Wrong’s Fallinghouse; and The Battered Bride, played by the Vienna State Opera for the Criminally Insane.
Oh, by the way. The correct answer to:
One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Excuse please. The correct title of the book is Cvltvre Made Stvpid.
Hw many people can read hex if only you and dead people can read hex?
57006
Biology-
What does the “H.” in Jesus H. Christ stand for?
Haploid
(I believe Cecil has used this one in a column.)
A guy is stuck on a desert island with his two cats “One two three” and “Un deux Troi”. After a period of time he runs out of coconuts and realises his only chance is to send one of his cats swimming for help with a message. Which cat should he choose?
answer - He should send “One two three” because un deux troi quatre cinq
C’est rigolo, ça! While we’re doing French jokes: What common misconception do Americans have about the French taste in cinema? Tu m’haine-y j’ai rit loue y ce mou vise!
[QUOTE=Colibri]
Biology-
What does the “H.” in Jesus H. Christ stand for?
Haploid
Another answer to this is Harold. As in Jesus H. Christ, Harold be thy name.
[quoe]
The Millihelen is but one of the zillions of hilarious things in Science Made Stupid by Tom Weller.
[/quote]
Yeah, but unlike many things in Weller’s wonderful books, this joke isn’t original with him. I recall it from years (probably decades) earlier. It’s in a Random Walk THrough Science and Stress Analysis of a Strapless Evening Gown IIRC.
One punch line from a similar setup:
“No matter how godlike in strength your characters are, the bartender will always kick their asses”
The governor of Kentucky wants to improve the state’s racehorse industry, so he consults his staff scientists on how to improve the speed of horces. They are, of course, a geneticist, and aerodynamicist, and an aerosol scientist.
The geneticist says that clearly they need to breed faster horses, and wonders what traits in horses confer greater speed.
The aerodynamicist agrees, and states that clearly aerodynamic drag would be the most important trait to improve. Therefore, they should attempt to model the aerodynamic drag of the horse’s body, to figure out where to start.
The aerosol scientist says this is an excellent idea. He proposes they assume the horse is a sphere.
[Note - aerosol science studies particles and droplets suspended in gasses, including their aerodynamic behavior. In almost all cases this behavior is analyzed using the assumption that particles are spherical in shape. You’d think this joke would play to a pretty limited crowd, but I have seen hundreds of aerosol scientists crowded into a big meeting room laughing their asses off at this one.]
Any geek jokes I know have already been told but my favorite online comic had this one today.
This is absolutely the funniest thing I’ve seen online in weeks. I laughed till I snorked root beer up my nose. Merci!
Mathematicians, always jumping to rash conclusions. The most that can be said is that there is at least one sheep in Britain that is black on at least one side, at least part of the time.
Enderw24
*Heisenberg gets stopped by a cop.
“Excuse me sir,” the cop says as he reaches the car. “Do you know how fast you were going?”
“No, but I’m certain I was heading South” he replied.
*
That’s not the way I heard it.
Heisenberg gets stopped by a cop.
“Excuse me sir,” the cop says “Do you know how fast you were going?”
Heisenberg replies “57.3489237 miles per hour but I have NO friggin’ idea where the Hell I am”.
I haven’t learned French yet.
Tu m’haine-y j’ai rit loue y ce mou vise!
You me hatred there I have laughs rent there this slackness aims!
Um … I didn’t quite get it either but I figured it was meant to sound like English words when said and didn’t really mean anything in French. I just couldn’t figure out all the words.
Tu m’haine-y j’ai rit loue y ce mou vise!
Too many (something) lousy movies.
I’m probably wrong though. My education wasn’t as well rounded as some, I only got the science related jokes.
‘Too many Jerry Lewis movies’!
:smack:
Okay, I’m slow. 
Jerry Louis
I know pretty much no French, but always loved the inquiry of why French detectives think all murders are committed by a man named Jack Hughes.