Netgirls are so damn frustrating... (rape)

Okay. This rant’s not going to be about the fact that I can’t have anything even remotely nice or sweet in my profile, or else I get scads and scads of IMs from 13-year-old girls (yes, I’m well aware that most of them are not actually 13-year-old girls). It’s not going to be about the fact that netgirls tend to value their own entertainment over everyone else’s boredom. It’s not going to be about the girl who babbles constantly about her Vietnamese boyfriend and the fact that she once gave him an hourlong blowjob. (Carrie, dear, that doesn’t mean you’re good at it. Quite the opposite.)

No, this one’s just out of sheer frustration. A netgirl whose name rhymes with “Nathy” IMd me recently when I had an away message up and said “Something terrible happened on Saturday.” Unfortunately, she left while I was still away, and I didn’t see her for a few more days.

Long story short, the girl was date-raped. By a guy who’s doing the exact same set-up to another one of her friends. He’s been going around her high school talking about how all the other girls he dated were immature, but he really sees potential in whoever it is he’s currently dating. Then, a week later, he’s seeing potential in someone else because his last girlfriend turned immature.

And Kathy decided that good ol Ace309, who lives nowhere near her, would be the person to confide in. Yes, I would gladly go and rip that motherfucking spunk cunt’s testicles off his body if she told me who he was, but dear, I don’t live anywhere near you. I’d LOVE to tear his dick off, throw it in a pot of boiling water and then force-feed the cocksoup to him before I dropped him on his head and pummelled him into oblivion. A weekend excursion to wherever it is that you live so that I could forcibly shove 45-pound barbell plates into his ass would be something I’d love to plan.

BUT I CAN’T DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT. And by telling me instead of someone who can, you’re making me feel extremely frustrated and upset that I can’t.

You waited a week to tell anyone because you weren’t sure you were raped. You don’t think you fought enough, despite the fact that you were sitting in the back seat crying, covering your face, sobbing “no,” and that he had to forcibly remove your clothes. You think you gave him the idea that it would be okay. Understandable.

But Kathy, babe, hon, dear… please don’t run it past me. Run it past someone you trust who can actually do something. I don’t even know where you live, so I can’t call the police. And even if I could, what would I tell them? “I know a girl who lives in your district. Here’s her screenname, her first name is Kathy, and I think I have an idea of her last name. No, I don’t know what high school she goes to or where she lives, and I don’t have any idea of who this guy is, but I think his name is Eddie. So go round up all the Eddies you can find.”

I don’t have the heart to tell you that you probably can’t get him prosecuted because you waited too long… and that because you waited four days after you told me to tell your counselor, it’s probably out of reach entirely and that he might even have raped another girl.

But spread the word around. Don’t let this rapist - and that’s what he is - do it to anyone else.

She was probably just looking for someone to talk to about it, not necessarily someone to do anything. I’ve been in Kathy’s place, and telling people isn’t an easy thing to do, especially for a teenager. Perhaps she felt that since you were so far away from her, confiding in you was safe. I tried to tell my “friends” in high school after my acquaintance rape, and I was accused of lying. I didn’t want to go to the authorities because I was embarrassed. Maybe she feels the same way?

 There is no time limit if you have been raped. And if there was, four days isn't over it. Se could prosecute this scum ten years after it happened if she wanted.

 She needs to tell someone. An adult, like her school counsler or a teacher. This guy could be behind bars rather quickly. Especially since this low life has done it to so many other girls.

There are hotlines she can call to get counseling. It is very important that she doesn't bottle this thing up. It will probably affect her for the rest of her life, but she will feel even worse if she doesn't do anything about it. That boy needs to be put behind bars. Rape is never okay, and if you have the slightest feeling of it not wanting it to happen then that is what it is. She told that boy  "No" and he continued to pull off her clothes and rape her. It is in no way her fault. Make sure that she knows this.

She told me that she talked to someone at her school. What I meant by the “time limit” comment is that the… um… physical evidence is gone. Unless they can get other girls to come forward, it’s going to be hard to get this guy on her word alone.

That said, I’m definitely encouraging her to talk as much as possible to people who know what to do and are trained to do something besides sit there in a frustrated stupor over how evil people can be.


Just wondering - where did you go to law school?

Permitting a prosecution for rape, regardless of the amount of time that has passed, has been held to violate the due process rights of the accused. An accused suffers prejudice when the passage of time causes harm to his ability to present a defense - alibi witnesses’ memories fail, evidence disappears… indeed, the accused’s own memory may no longer help establish an alibi or other defense. In Virginia, just to pick an example I’m most familiar with, this is a matter of case law: see Holliday v. Commonwealth, 3 Va. App. 612, 616, 352 S.E.2d 362, 364 (1987)(citing U.S. v. McDonald, 456 U.S. 1 (1982)); see also Walker v. Commonwealth, 4 Va. App. 286, 296, 356 S.E.2d 853, 858 (1987).

When this kind of thinking is codified into law, it’s usually known as a “statute of limitations.”

You’re certainly correct to say that four days doesn’t trigger the analysis above.

However, from a purely practical viewpoint, I can tell you that the delay in reporting rape is often a substantial barrier to conviction. While it’s not always true, and shouldn’t discourage a victim from reporting a crime, the sad fact is that a successful rape defense pretty much boils down to one of three theories: (1) It never happened; (2) Consent; or (3) Misidentification (the well-known SODDI defense: Some Other Dude Did It).

When a rape vicitm immediately reports the crime, physical evidence can often be gathered that proves intercourse occurred. This robs the defense of (1). Also, evidence of some struggle - bruising, tearing, lacerations - can often be found. This doesn’t completely eliminate Consent, but it reduces the defense to arguing “consensual rough sex” - otfen a losing battle. Finally, of course, with DNA so prevalent now, the evidence gathered can eliminate a SODDI defense.

When no physical evidence exists, a prosecution comes down to he-said she-said. The kind of rape that most people take seriously involves a man who attacks a woman he neither knows, nor has reason to believe has any interest in him. When it comes to date rape, however, juries are often skeptical of victims’ allegations and dubious about the weight of the offense, even if it did occur.

The reason for such skepticism and doubt is the possibility that the victim might have liked her assailant. If she did, some juries seem to believe, then having him force himself on her could not have been that bad.

Juries are also influenced by the victim. They are much more likely to convict if the victim is a Good Victim - chaste Christian woman, in Virginia, would be an example of a Good Victim. Someone who can be pained by the defense as a Bad Victim has much less chance with a jury.

Rape Shield laws were passed precisely to ameliorate this kind of problem: under most Rape Shield laws, evidence of a victim’s past sexual history is, by law, irrelevant and inadmissible. However, there are plenty of ways of getting around that prohibition, especially if the prosecutrix is ill-prepared by the Commonwealth’s Attorney.

A short recap, then: there is a time limit for rape prosecutions. And even a delay of four days, while not fatal to a prosecution, can hurt.

  • Rick

In general, an accused may not have evidence of other crimes offered against him for the purpose of proving his propensity to commit crimes.

In other words, even if several other women come forward, they may not be permitted to testify against him as to the instant rape charge.

Two exceptions: if the offenses are contemporaneous and related acts or occurrences or in a series of acts or occurrences constituting an offense or offenses, they may be joined in trial – that is, he’d stand trial once for all the rapes. This would allow a jury to hear the other stories.

And if the crimes were committed in very similar fashion, such that they showed a “common scheme, plan, or motive” then evidence of those prior bad acts could be admitted. Note that the mere act of rape, standing alone, is not a “common plan, scheme, or motive.” But if each victim was taken to the end of Haskins road, given roses, attacked, and then offered a tearful apology, that could be admissible againstt he accused.

  • Rick

Ace309, may I say that you sound like a heck of a nice guy? Thank you for being there for this kid who needs it.

Thanks… keeping in mind that talking to teen girls isn’t completely out of the ordinary for a 19-year-old guy. :slight_smile:

I haven’t asked Kathy much about it ever since she told me that she had talked to someone. My heart broke the first time she told me because she was offering up all kinds of excuses - the saddest was that she didn’t want to add any stress to her life, what with cheerleading competitions coming up. :frowning: If there were a crying smiley, this would be the time.

Uh I didn’t. That is just what all my teachers in high school always told me. I was just passing on what I thought was legitimate information. I go sit in the corner and feel sheepish now. Sorry about that.

No problem - but that’s what this board is about: the eradication of misapprehensions, even those commonly held.

  • Rick