Some actresses do it and I guess the contracts can be pretty specific as to exactly what will be shown on camera but I don’t think it’s all that common for male actors. A naked Halle Barry might raise ticket sails but are they clamoring to see Michael Douglas’s ass? I don’t think so. Maybe they’d pay extra for a Brad Pitt crank shot or something but I don’t think very many people shell out just to see sex scenes featuring old guys with handlebar mustaches.
Yarrr! Booty off the port bow! Avast!
I’m confused. It’s a Catholic hospital? But the doctor giving the press conference is stereotypically Jewish? In fact, he looks like Henry Kissinger. The doctor who says “You’re improving. But, we’ll keep you one more night.” is also stereotypically Jewish- and could pass for Ed Koch.
See, this is what I love most about Chick Tracts: trying to puzzle out the bizarre Chick view of even the most mundane aspects of life and afterlife.
Ah, ChickWorld, where the top movie star looks like Jamie “Corporal Klinger” Farr with a white mustache and gets multimillion-dollar bonuses for nude scenes (most of which apparently gets transferred to the Vatican). Where the Deity has no face, but a long white nightie. Where film directors wear berets and turtlenecks, and churchgoing ladies wear 1930’s hats. Age cannot wither, nor custom stale Jack’s infinite weirditude.
Yayyy!! Chick’s back!
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Poor George Hamilton. Money, glory, and fame are but illusions when you are being suffocated by your own metastisizing mustache.
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As much as I pity him, I’m glad I don’t have to sit through the penis shot some poor schmuck of a director payed him three mill to give. (I understand George’s point of view, though. Hell, I’d let the dog out to roam for $50. Less, if you ask me after a few beers.)
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When did the guy who draws Mallard Fillmore start working for Jack Chick?
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Is it just me, or did anyone else think of a dominatrix punishing the naughty, naughty movie star at the end. “Shame on you! Get on your knees and accept Jesus! Then you’re gonna get spanked!!”
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This got me: “But you’re not going to get good reviews because God doesn’t edit out your sins. Your whole life will be replayed – the good, the bad, and the ugly.” Wow, I guess they have E! True Hollywood Stories in Heaven, too. And why is this passage narrated by William Shatner?
And they’re all priggish assholes too, aren’t they? Yeah, I want to spend eternity with these people.
“Hey guys, did you hear Linty Fresh got drunk and threw up on John the Baptist? We hate that! Shame on you! Not again!!”
Well, what do they want me to do? They’re too uptight for sex, even if I did want to nail any of them, which I don’t. I bet after two thousand years or so, the Virgin Mary’s drunk off her ass half the time. I’ll also bet that by now, calling her “Virgin Mary” is a bit of an exaggeration, if you catch my drift . . .
So remember kids, Heaven might have all the truth, glory, and salvation, but Hell’s got all the hot babes and video games. Your choice!
I seem to remember one of the Chick tracts featuring injuns.
When I saw The Star in the title, I thought it was going to be about that civilazation God destroyed when he made their sun go nova so we could have our Christmas Star.
I love the weird Chick world where everyone, everyone is overtly hostile to any form of religious expression.
“Good grief, he’s praying!”
“He’s gone mad!”
Just because it’s a Catholic run hospital doesn’t mean they’d hire only Catholic employees, I don’t think.
Hell, I went to a Catholic school and not all of our teachers were Catholic, IIRC.
Hard Times is just the same as Somebody Loves Me, except all the characters are black instead of white. Although even in the original without the skin coloring, the little boy looks like he’s black…or Michael Jackson.
The number comes from a group of friends in California who would smoke up every day at 4:20 pm. However, the number appears here not in Hard Times, but The Star- it’s the hospital room the celebrity is staying in. I thought was was somewhat suspicious as well.
That would be The True Path, which apparently shows that in Jack Chick’s mind, Indians are not only alcoholics, but illiterates as well.
So which is it?
Make up your mind!
It would be illegal for the hospital to hire only Catholics. But, the odds of Dr David Wasserman working there instead of a secular hospital or Cedar Sinai are quite low.
I think in the Jack Chick universe, if they’re doctors they have to be Jewish.
I love new Chick tracts, they’re my favorite part of the day.
Not only does the doctor look stereotypically Jewish, so does the buck-toothed unidentified Hollywood guy.
I liked the subtle jabs at Catholicism, but it just wasn’t enough for me… I miss the good ol’ days, when Chick tracts were full of vehemence and passion.
Every time I see a Chick Tract and read that (it’s in over half of them, isn’t it?), I think: “Man, they’re going to get tired of watching me masturbate”.
Well, this gives you an opportunity to get creative. Next time you have a little alone time, jazz up the place a bit. Switch it up from time to time. Maybe one time you’ll be a ninja. The next day you can be a spy, wanking for the government. I mean if people in heaven have to watch it, the least you can do is make it entertaining. 
Why on earth would someone give Snidely Whiplash money to get naked?
Heaven seems to be filled with the same smug, self-righteous assholes who forward glurge saying that little Johnny Kneebender’s only hope of getting a new liver is if you pray for him and forward this e-mail and if you don’t Hillary Clinton will legalize gay marriage.
I’d rather go to hell.
Finally, what is the movie Snidely is supposed to be making? Judging from his costume, it looks like the porn version of The Three Musketeers.
I love how porn star Adolph Menjou, despite being best pals with the Pope and Cardinal (Mickey?) Rooney, has never heard of God, Jesus, heaven or hell till he’s tipped off by cleaning-lady Neely O’Hara (“Art films? They’re nudies, that’s all they are–nudies!”).
