You finally get your husband to post to the board +100
You realize this means he will be spending even more time on the computer -300
Esprix: you telling me my God Speak Through Kirk card wasn’t surreal enough for ya?
Hmmmm…
AS you swim through the event horizon, your eyes melt into your pituitary glandular problem. You feel yourself speaking with the voice of your grandmother, which is strange, since she was a cat. You scratch your ear with your elbow as the macaroni cloud rearange themselves into a perfect likeness of Ed Asner.
You’d score points for this, but what are points, anyway?
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
Douglips was hunched over the oars like a one-legged spanish nun in a peach pit - gain 50 points.
Sounds like “dog poop” but I know that’s not it! - lose a turn.
Moderator cleans up BOTH your octuple-posts - mod immediately wins the game!
What you thought was cholera was only diarrhea. +25 points (yea! you stay alive.) -20 points for the yuck factor.
You love Jazzmine eventhough you don’t see her around often. +100 pts. Thanks for booting this up to the top.
This thread makes 1000 posts. Everyone WINS!
HUGS!
Sqrl
Flying Nuns! Take Cover or man the akk-akks! -3i points
We-Don’t-Know-What-It-Is-But-We-Like-It: +30 points for obscure references, -50 points for no taste
Spam Tomorrow. Lose a turn.
I’m your only friend
I’m not your only friend
But I’m a little glowing friend
But really I’m not actually your friend
But I am
Post in the felching thread. Get a bonus round because Coldfire now loves you. (BWAHAHAHHAHAHHA!)
Hugs!
Sqrl
You inspire half the board to have They Might Be Giants sig lines.
100 points 
You change yours to the Beastie Boys to be a nonconformist.
1 point
Adrock, light up the place
And if you pull my card you pull the ace
And if you ask me turn up the bass
And if you play Defender I could be your hyperspace
You discover a new way to use staple removers as a weapon. You “digivolve” into Ultimate Stapleremovimon and crush the puny mortals with your “binding breath”. +60 dork points because not only are you a cheap ripoff of Pokemon, you are a cheap ripoff of an even cheaper concept. You gotta catch them all!
HUGS!
Sqrl
Eat flaming Napalm Death: -50 points, lose a life
Eat Crunchy flaming Napalm Death: +10 points, get callback for commercial
I’m your only friend
I’m not your only friend
But I’m a little glowing friend
But really I’m not actually your friend
But I am
Sing a song of Sixpense
+1 Market Data Feed if it’s not “Kiss Me”
Letting my inner child run loose and break things.
DNFTT = +5 points
Feeding the troll, but killing him = gratitude of all Dopers everywhere
Feeding the troll, and he turns on you and bites you = eternal embarassment
This thread reaches 150 posts! + 10 M&Ms
I am bored of this thread. - 50 M&Ms
You resist posting so as not to post twice in a row. +4 on your saving throws versus the devil.
You destroy Swimming Riddles and her boredom. 
Steal all her happy points
You start the beginning of a Y.A.R.N thread complete with the requisite point system and unified story. +50 points plus hopes that this thread will reach 1000 posts.
Once upon a time in the land of myth there lived a flamboyant hero named Blake. Now Blake was a good strapping young fellow but he didn’t take to much interest in the ladies for everyone knows that everyone named Blake was gay (+800 points). Then one day while sitting in the Roman baths (+20 points, more if you can get Caligula in there to put out) Blake noticed…
HUGS!
Sqrl
Double Coupons at Foodtown! Swipe ATM card for +50 points and a chance for a free turkey.
I’m your only friend
I’m not your only friend
But I’m a little glowing friend
But really I’m not actually your friend
But I am
Even though you are bored of this thread, and even though the insidious Sqrl stole all your points, you bump this thread up to the top. + all your happy points back from Sqrl, plus half of his.
You bump this thread to the top. Restore Swimming Riddles happy points.
You get a longsword +3 and think that it has some type of sexual connotation. +5 geek points. +400 if you play Dungeons and Dragons
HUGS!
Sqrl
You realise you rock at the Three Minute Mystery game. + 100 points
This ability, along with most of the others you possess, is absolutely useless in “the real world.” - 100 points, and a supreme sense of uselessness.
you read entire string at one sitting, noting you are third person with less than 10 posts daring to play + 15 newbie points and the little golden book of your choice
you choose the pokey little puppy -15 pts
inconceivable? i don’t think that word means what you think it does
You found your own dynasty, become one of the most famous of Japan’s shoguns, create revolutionary new political and economic sanctions, and create a political infastructure that lasts for hundreds of years.
Then you wake up and realize that you’re only a lowly gaijin who is interested in the Japanese people.
-100 points for having delusions of grandeur.
+10 points if granduer is spelled correctly.
Begin kendo basic combo #1: +5 points for every post that is preceded by another(if sqrl uses a killer combo, +100 for disrupting it.)
You feed the bear. He wanders away harmlessly.
+1000 points for writing the thread-killing card.