Through the Force, things you will see. Other places. The future. The past. Old friends long gone.
Healthy Choice and American Airlines got together and put this promotion: If you buy any 10 Healthy Choice products, they will reward you with 500 frequent flier miles; with this special coupon, they’ll up it to 1,000 miles. So, I think they are trying to push their teriyaki chicken which is $1.79, but I went to the supermarket and I looked around and I saw that they had pudding… for 25¢ a cup… comes in packages of four. But insanely… the barcodes… are on the individual cups! So, quarter a cup, say you bought $2.50 worth. That’s worth 500… with the coupon it’s 1,000 miles. It’s a marketing mistake but I’m taking advantage of it. If you were to spend $3,000, that would get you a million frequent flier miles. You would never have to pay for a ticket the rest of your life.
If you don’t eat yer meat you can’t have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat yer MEAT!
Meat, ma’am, meat. You’ve overfed the boy, ma’am. It raised an artificial spirit in the lad unbecoming to his station in life. This would never have happened if you kept him on gruel.
Astrodome? You can’t grow a good hot dog indoors. Yankee Stadium. September. The hot dogs have been boiling since opening day in April. Now that’s a hot dog.
Just a reminder, fans, comin’ up is our “Die-hard Night” here at the stadium. Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won a pennant.
We are all ready to win just as we are born knowing only life.
Yes, sir I’ve seen them. Yes, sir I was aware that they are all white. They are not from Portugal; they’re from Spain and at birth, they’re not white; they’re black. Sir.
Am I in Spain? No I’m not in Spain, dear, I’m in agony, that’s where I am!
It’s not traveling. It’s a mad dash through nine bloody countries in 18 bloodier days, that’s what it is. And I have to be mother and father, psychiatrist, a host, teacher, interpreter, peacemaker and joke-maker, to a silly crowd of Americans identical to my last silly crowd of Americans, and my next crowd.
Love and Pain and the Whole Damn Thing
You say either, I say either
You say neither and I say neither
Either, either, neither, neither
Let’s call the whole thing off, yes
That’s some crazy shit.
This definitely rates a 9.0 on my weird-shit-o-meter.
(Barbra Streisand) "Well, this last time was not my fault."
(Ryan O'Neal) "What happened?"
(Barbra Streisand) "Nothing, nothing, really. It was just a little classroom, it sort of burned down."
(Ryan O'Neal) "Burned down?"
(Barbra Streisand) "Well, blew up actually."
(Ryan O'Neal) "Political activism?"
(Barbra Streisand) "Chemistry major."
(Ryan O'Neal) "I see."
What he’s got is an Acme dynamite kit. It’s going to blow up in his face. And I’m going to be there when it does.
Love has many faces. I may look on you differently, but not with less love.
I have often thought that in the hereafter of our lives, when I owe no more to the future and can be just a man, that we may meet, and you will come to me and claim me as yours, and know that I am your husband. It is a dream I have…
What is this? Extrasensory torture?
I’m kind of psychic. I have a fifth sense. It’s like I have ESPN or something.