Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… MASS HYSTERIA!
We are in Sodom to win the people over to decency.
I have a very good friend named Biggus Dickus.
It’s an insane world, but in it there’s one sanity: the loyalty of old friends.
Of all the would-be fathers who came and went over the years, this thing, this machine, was the only one who measured up. In an insane world, it was the sanest choice.
You oughta know, honey, you just came out of the nuthouse.
- How old are you?
- Old enough to have a marriage end and not wind up in a mental hospital.
So okay, alimony sucks.
I was married to him for eight months; I gave him the best years of my life!
I hardly said a word to my wife until I said yes to a divorce.
Mrs. Hogwallop up and R-U-N-N-O-F-T.
You know, getting married is like buying a new horse… going into a strange saloon…
There’s a time for everything. There’s a time for having a horse in the Grand National, being in love, having children; yes, even for dying.
It’s giving life that counts. Until you’re ready for it, all the rest is just a big fraud. All the crazy haircuts in the world won’t keep it turning. Life isn’t a love-in–it’s the dishes, and the orthodontist, and the shoe repairman, and… ground round instead of roast beef. And I’ll tell you something else: It isn’t going to a bed with a man that proves you’re in love with him; it’s getting up in the morning and facing the drab, miserable, wonderful everyday world with him that counts!
I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
Wedding. Holy mackerel, I’m married.
Now remember, it is the duty of the best man to dance with the maid of honor.
Perhaps the time has come to reinstitute and old custom. Grant them Prima Nocta.
Traditiooooon! Tradition!
Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax.