Pity! Next time you decide to impersonate a music hall singer who’s been dead for the past twelve years, I suggest you learn her full repertoire! Won’t you come in, MISS LIAR?
Ohhh, if you’re gonna wait for her to tell the truth, you’ll have a long grey beard – down to here.
You cant handle the truth! Son we live in a world that has walls, and those have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it, you Lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom.
Lighten up, Francis.
People say, You must have been the class clown. And I say, No, I wasn’t. But I sat next to the class clown, and I studied him.
I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender.
So you wanna be a boxer in the golden ring?
Stay in school and use your brain. Be a doctor, be a lawyer, carry a leather briefcase. Forget about sports as a profession. Sports make ya grunt and smell. See, be a thinker, not a stinker.
Sean: [in a gentlemen’s bar] Hey, Gerry, In the 1960s there was a young man that graduated from the University of Michigan. Did some brilliant work in mathematics. Specifically bounded harmonic functions. Then he went on to Berkeley. He was assistant professor. Showed amazing potential. Then he moved to Montana, and blew the competition away.
Lambeau: Yeah, so who was he?
Sean: Ted Kaczynski.
Lambeau: Haven’t heard of him.
Sean: [yelling to the bartender] Hey, Timmy!
Timmy: Yo.
Sean: Who’s Ted Kaczynski?
Timmy: Unabomber.
There are three major centers for transsexual surgery - Johns Hopkins, University of Minnesota, and Columbus Medical Center.
We’re all gonna have so much f—ing fun we’re gonna need plastic surgery to remove our g–damn smiles!
You’re never fully dressed without a smile.
Gray skies are gonna clear up; put on a happy face.
Smile though your heart is aching/Smile even though it’s breaking/When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by.
Be happy. Like me! (sobs)
He looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn’t learn a thing.
There cannot be peace without first, a great suffering. The greater the suffering, the greater the peace. The end you’ve always feared is coming. It’s coming, and the blood will be on your hands.
I’ll bet you anything you like that half an hour after they have met, they will be calling each other sister.
Women only do that when they have called each other a lot of other things first.
She’s my sister AND my daughter!
I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can’t!