NEW Stupid Republican Idea of the Day (Part 1)

I once had an idiot fucking boss who was the typical Faux news misinformed talking point parroting Republican. The subject of Neil Young came up, and he said that Neil was an asshole who was too political.
“Like Ted Nugent?” I asked.
“Well, Ted has a point.” Was his reply.

Straight up fucking brain dead these guys are.

The horrifying thing about this is that making a mistake this idiotic WILL NOT HURT TED CRUZ AT ALL.

In fact his donations are probably up.

Knowing stuf is dum’ is likely to be made an explicit plank in the 2024 GOP Platform, because it’s just too popular with their base to be left out.

Oh, this LGB coin thing appears to be the grift to end all grifts.

Maybe the Republicans got tired of promising their marks things that they couldn’t deliver……like walls, a great America, a second Trump term, a Freedom phone, an autographed Trump book. Maybe they’re worried that the base is going to notice that they’ve collectively shelled out billions of dollars and there’s still no wall, Biden is still President and their Freedom phone sucks. People might realize that an autograph and a book is not the same as an autographed book.

That was the scam with the autographed Trump book that cost hundreds of dollars. You really didn’t think that Trump was going to actually open and sign those books, did you? The rubes spent hundreds of dollars for a book that has been signed by Trump, that had been open in front of him, that had been touched by him. Instead, they got a book dropped shipped directly from the publisher, and later they were mailed an autograph of Trump ithat they are supposed to stick inside their book.

But with this LBG coin scam they don’t have to do anything or deliver anything….the rubes can own the libs by exchanging their real money for fake invisible MAGA money that can’t actually used for anything. Although I’m sure someone is getting their hands on the real money and cashing in……

I admit, I don’t fully understand it, but it seems really shady.

Well, y’all don’t want no Commie Aussies acting like they can just own Washington D.C. They should stay in England where they belong!

And why hasn’t anyone mentioned ( at least not that I’ve seen ) the ironic fact that Ted Cruz’s is an evangelical Christian, and many evangelical and fundamentalist churches forbid social dancing.

I have no idea what the rules are in Mr Cruz’s denomination or congregation, but I know, for example, Liberty University doesn’t allow social dancing (as of 2018, at least…and it carries a $25 dollar fine).

Nobody wants to dance with Ted Cruz anyway.

Let’s go to the quarry and throw stuff down there!

Many of them also forbid couples to have sex standing up because it could lead to dancing…

(Yes, that’s a leg-pull. Don’t want to Poe’s-Law myself…)

During the campaign I took some of those Republican push polls using my email address suckmydickdonnie@[mydomain],com and the name Nunya Bizness. As expected, I started getting daily "news"letters exclaiming the TRUTH about this or that. I’d let it ride a day or two then opt out. Somewhat to my surprise they’d honor that and stop.

This past week though, I’ve started getting offers for “free” Trump calendars (just donate $250), coins which at least they’re saying up front they’re selling, and the promise my name will appear on the list of strongest supporters that will cross his nibs’ desk.

Perhaps it so they can get in before the end of the year but this morning I cleared out six of them from my inbox, and deleted another seven a minute ago when I checked. Needless to say, by checking the box you donate now (minimum $25) and then have an additional donation “at the end of the month.”

I tell ya, a guy could go broke showing support for his political hee-ro.

And yet, I’m not getting any Trump spam addressed to Deez Nutz anymore.

I try not to do this too often out of brain hurtage when putting myself in the mind of a Trumpista, imagining exactly to what degree of feelings (if any - surely some more than in others) of hollowness and embarrassment over unpeeling Don’s autograph sticker and then placing it somewhere on an endpage, or just plonk it right on the front cover of his book, with the worry, years down the road, of someone going, “oh, Trump actually signed this for ya?” (while of course not noticing that it’s a, well, plonked-on sticker), to which said book owner will need to have the long-prepared answer that “hey yeah blah blah LUV the way he slants it like that, argle bargs” and then quickly segue into how much better it all used to be back in the good ole days, back then.
If it hasn’t made it to the thrift store by then, that is.

Do keep up, :id:
Here I thought you were supposed to uncheck that fucking thing to dodge that crap.

I know his relative, Nacho Bizness

In time, the grifters will make the sound of Donald Trump’s heartbeat a NFT and auction it. The lucky and estatic winner of this auction, a man proud of his $15 million investment, will immediately post the audio file to Twitter, bragging of his accomplishment.

The third reply will be from a guy who says ‘hey, I just downloaded it. Doesn’t that mean that I have the heartbeat as well?’ To which the original investor launches into what starts as a reasonable-sounding, if rather batty explanation of how it doesn’t matter if 15 million copies of his file is downloaded… no, there’s a file somewhere that says he is the owner of the heartbeat sound and that is what is worth $15 million.

The person tries to disengage with a simple, yet admittedly snarky, ‘cool story, bro’. This puts the investor into irritation mode, archly describing how his investment allows him to join an exclusive club, the sort ‘you would pay millions to join’.

Well, the good folk of Twitter can’t let that one go unremarked. His replies are flooded with people downloading the file, mocking him with comments like ‘Ima takin work off today, mfer’ and ‘Shall I add this to my $2 million John Naughton NFT? Or sell it right away on the secondary NFT market?’

The purchaser gets furious, spending hours responding, saying he is now a victim of #RightClickTheft, threatening legal action to every ‘offender’, who then further the mocking by making NFT’s of his various threats and daring him to download their valuable property.

Which he does.

He cries out for help… and who should hear him but Chuck Grassley, a man who doesn’t really understand what is happening with this tweet that keeps popping up in his feed, but Chuck does like to smoke some weed and get on Twitter sometimes, and he’s seen NFT tweets… so Chuck calls his friend Tucker Carlson and gets the ‘investor’ on for a 12 minute segment.

Watching this segment is Florida Governor Ron DeSatan, hiding away from his constituents in his Maui cabin while they get infected with COVID in record numbers. Ron mutters to himself, reaches for the phone…

And that’s how Bubba McCoy became Treasury Secretary upon President DeSatan’s unexpected 2024 Presidential victory. Following his meteoric rise to the pinnacle of American finance, Bubba’s own cryptocurrency, McCoyCoin, replaced the old-style greenback, thereby becoming the globe’s reserve currency.

You know it’s going to happen. We’re on the dumbest timeline.

You should be we writing for tv.

Instead of for reality.

I like my drama to happen to other, fictional, people, so that I can be glad to not live in that world.

Junior thinks that Ghislaine Maxwell will suffer the same fate as Epstein.

“Ghislaine Maxwell, 1961 - next week or so,” Mr Trump captioned a photo of Maxwell, in the style of an “in memorial” image.

I’ve seen similar jokes on social media, done better.

Plus none of them were by the son of a close personal friend of Epstein and Maxwell whose administration played a significant role in Epstein’s custodial arrangements.

Ahhh, but what about the day when they auction off Donald’s very heart. (Presumably he will be dead by then, but don’t count on it. He could sell the rights while he’s still alive.)

He could singlehandedly bring back the relic business.

The best one I’ve seen so far is that pic of the two of them with his arm around her neck, and her looking adoringly up at him. The caption: Love is when you finish each other’s sentences.

That was the dodge. There were two check boxes, one with the now and then, the other with every month forever and you had to leave at least one checked to get to the next page where you put in the payment part. Naturally, I closed out the tab without seeing that page.