In time, the grifters will make the sound of Donald Trump’s heartbeat a NFT and auction it. The lucky and estatic winner of this auction, a man proud of his $15 million investment, will immediately post the audio file to Twitter, bragging of his accomplishment.
The third reply will be from a guy who says ‘hey, I just downloaded it. Doesn’t that mean that I have the heartbeat as well?’ To which the original investor launches into what starts as a reasonable-sounding, if rather batty explanation of how it doesn’t matter if 15 million copies of his file is downloaded… no, there’s a file somewhere that says he is the owner of the heartbeat sound and that is what is worth $15 million.
The person tries to disengage with a simple, yet admittedly snarky, ‘cool story, bro’. This puts the investor into irritation mode, archly describing how his investment allows him to join an exclusive club, the sort ‘you would pay millions to join’.
Well, the good folk of Twitter can’t let that one go unremarked. His replies are flooded with people downloading the file, mocking him with comments like ‘Ima takin work off today, mfer’ and ‘Shall I add this to my $2 million John Naughton NFT? Or sell it right away on the secondary NFT market?’
The purchaser gets furious, spending hours responding, saying he is now a victim of #RightClickTheft, threatening legal action to every ‘offender’, who then further the mocking by making NFT’s of his various threats and daring him to download their valuable property.
Which he does.
He cries out for help… and who should hear him but Chuck Grassley, a man who doesn’t really understand what is happening with this tweet that keeps popping up in his feed, but Chuck does like to smoke some weed and get on Twitter sometimes, and he’s seen NFT tweets… so Chuck calls his friend Tucker Carlson and gets the ‘investor’ on for a 12 minute segment.
Watching this segment is Florida Governor Ron DeSatan, hiding away from his constituents in his Maui cabin while they get infected with COVID in record numbers. Ron mutters to himself, reaches for the phone…
And that’s how Bubba McCoy became Treasury Secretary upon President DeSatan’s unexpected 2024 Presidential victory. Following his meteoric rise to the pinnacle of American finance, Bubba’s own cryptocurrency, McCoyCoin, replaced the old-style greenback, thereby becoming the globe’s reserve currency.
You know it’s going to happen. We’re on the dumbest timeline.