Yes! I felt so peaceful and happy after dumping him. I need to view dating as if I were an employer seeking a qualified applicant. No more getting feelings til the man qualifies and seems a decent candidate.
That’s a really good idea. Best of luck.
Yes. Remember this feeling. And hugs to you.
Good to hear, and I agree. It’s all about having a level of self-respect that says “I deserve better than this” when it’s appropriate.
It has occurred to me that there are parallels in your luck with jobs and your luck with men. Because the job thing is less personal, it might be easier to look for patterns and things you can change there, and work on yourself that way.
Again, no offence. We are all rooting for you and for things to change for the better!
Has anyone else experience what I assume is a new phone scam?
I just got a call - “Hello? Hello? Hellllloooo?” clickety-click “'Allo, who am 'dis I speaking to?”
I didn’t bite and I insisted they tell me who they were first. She said, through broken English, that she was from Customs and Borders, or Borders and Customs, something like that, that they were conducting an investigation involving a package in my name that was intercepted at the border.
With absolutely no hesitation, I responded, “Bullshit,” and I hung up. They haven’t called back, so either I’ve tripped across a new phone scam or the Federalis are their wait to black site me as we speak.
My wife and I looked at a house that we called the Curry House. No one had lived in it for almost a month but I assume the previous owners were from India because the curry smell was overwhelming in every single room including the basement and upstairs areas. I suspect the smell will never leave as long as the house stands!
One possible solution to the “Curry House” might be to sand and repaint all the walls, and definitely replace all the carpets. Not sure what to do about hardwood floors. An alternative solution would be to burn the place down to the ground, although then the entire neighourhood might smell of curry! 
Our street had a house that hadn’t sold, due to fifty years of two-packs-a-day cigarette smoke. But the location was great, and it took a special family to buy it.
One with enough money to pay two mortgages for six months. So they could keep their old house while they made major fixes… Annnnd strip the wallpaper in every room and then (sniff, sniff) finally tear out ALL the old plaster and lath, air out the house for a month, then re-drywall.
It’s a lovely house… now. But when I walk past, I can’t help remembering how it used to smell.
You know, this would make a cheesy Rom-Com sales commercial for Valentines Day if handled properly:
Cue: Young attractive couple in PJs. The woman gets a mischievous smirk on her face and appears to start to de-pants the man. video freezes.
Woman’s Voice: “Not in the mood? At Eve’s PJs, all our PJs have pockets.
We do the work. So you don’t have to.”
now, just imagine the lungs of the former owner of it …
I’m not very happy with Spouse Weasel right now.
First, he decides all of a sudden he wants an emotional support group about our son, even though my past attempts to share my feelings with him were usually met with, “I don’t care about any of that right now. I just want a professional team.” He did not ask me how I felt about him attending this support group, he just told me he was doing it, on the night he usually grocery shops, and “I’ll just go Saturday,” never mind that Saturday I already have childcare half the day because I’m up at 6:30am to take him to swim class and Spouse Weasel works until lunch time. So now I’m doing childcare all night Friday and most of the day Saturday to accommodate this wonderful internet support group where nobody actually showed up last time he went.
THEN he tells me he’s going to go see his cousin this weekend and he wants me to come. We just saw his grandmother last weekend, which was extremely fucking stressful. I don’t want to see your fucking family every weekend. It’s bad enough there are children’s birthday parties all the fucking time. ALL THE TIME. And the worst part about it is, they’re giving my husband ideas!!! He wants to have a fucking family birthday party so guess what the fuck I get to do on my birthday? A children’s fucking birthday party for a kid who could not give two shits whether any children are there or not. I have nothing against his cousin, she’s very sweet, but it’s like my husband just has to do something every weekend or he goes crazy. I just want to relax. I just feel constant, constant pressure to do things I don’t really want to do during the precious few hours I have on the weekends to fucking relax.
He tells me he’s going to be home at 7pm tonight, which usually means 7:30pm, which means I’m putting the kid to bed, alone. I’m putting the kid to bed most nights these days. Now it’s very snowy and he’s going to be driving home in the dark and snow and I’m going to be alone most of the night.
I’m just bitching here so I don’t lay into him in a text message.
This is giving me flashbacks to my last job. I recall two separate occasions where I was assigned more duties, because I was better at it/more efficient than someone else in the office who kept screwing up. With no additional compensation for me.
After a while, I started wondering if I should just start slacking off, to see if any of my workload got reassigned.
Glad I don’t work there anymore.
He daid.
“Why would a single family house need two black mailboxes tacked outside the front door?”
< pause >
“Ewww…!”
Sometimes I just wonder if I’m smart enough to do all this shit. I’m pretty smart, but I admit the database stuff is a bit daunting. I’ve dealt with databases before, but these results go to actual federal funders. And the person who is doing it has become pretty good at it, the problem is really that the database itself sucks, and she has taken on so much work that she can’t get it all done. So we are trying to rectify that for her. Do I have the time to take on more work? Honestly, yeah, I probably do. It will be some stress in the short term for less stress in the long term. I discussed it with our CEO today and she thinks it’s the right call also. But these are the times Imposter Syndrome rears its ugly head, or like, when this job requires constant demands on my time as opposed to occasional demands, how will I hold up?
Pockets are essential to me. When I’m looking for a new jacket it has to have enough pockets or I won’t get it. I treat my jackets like many women will treat a purse; I carry everything in it. So it has to have enough I can transfer everything to it. Sunglasses, reading glasses, wallet, earbuds, a few kinds of charging cables (they’re like three inches long so take up very little room but essential for charging devices), a small USB power adapter so any of those cables can be hooked into a wall outlet, a microfiber cleaning cloth, a comb, a mask (when I end up in a place that requires a medical mask and I wasn’t prepared), cough drops, and then whatever other stuff I need to temporarily carry.
If you have a lot of pockets you can put a couple of things in each one and it doesn’t feel clunky because they’re evenly distributed, and I have stuff I need at all times. So my minimum number of pockets is probably 5. Oh, and they need to zip or button closed so I don’t lose crap.
Yeah, I get picky with jackets, but I can still find plenty of options.
ETA: I forgot I also keep an Apple Air Tag in my jacket in case I misplace it. I did this after another Doper related a story about locating luggage with one.
Since pockets are scarce, I should mention that Athleta makes a mean stash short/legging. It’s a fast-fashion brand but mine have held up through multiple winter seasons. I double them up when it’s cold outside. There’s a pocket on either side for your keys or phone and then there’s a pocket in the back for I’m not sure what. But three pockets in one pair of workout shorts/leggings is pretty cool.
I listen to the Office Ladies podcast (I highly recommend it). It’s hosted by Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey, who played Pam and Angela respectively on The Office (the US version, obviously). They’re best friends in real life (practically sisters) and have great chemistry. They rewatch every episode of the show and tell personal stories (from the perspective of people who were on it) and relate little facts and trivia, often taken from people who worked on the show that they stay in contact with. They also have a lot of guests who were on the show with them. It’s fascinating for anyone who is a fan of the show or really anyone interested in what it’s like to be a professional Hollywood actor.
Anyway, Jenna has a big thing about pockets. It frustrates her to death that women’s clothing very rarely has them. It has come up as a topic on multiple episodes of their podcast. She pointed out that the lack of pockets was a deliberate choice on the part of clothing designers many years ago, since it was determined that women who don’t do any real work don’t really need to carry around so many things like a man does, and it’s a real concrete example of “the patriarchy” in action. It’s mind-boggling that in 2024 this is still a reality.
Anyway, this discussion very much reminded me of that. I share Jenna’s confused anger about this (even though as a man it has never affected me personally).
If she traded him in for a shorter hubs new hubs wouldn’t be able to reach stuff of the top shelf for her anymore.
Curried smores at the bonfire!