News flash: Ford Explorers are now compact cars

Just now, I went to the local shopping center to deposit a check at the bank and pick up some lunch. When I got back to my car, some asshole parked their enoumous piece of shit so close to my car that I couldn’t open the driver door enough to get in. All the spaces in that row were clearly marked “compact” (which I think is a stupid practice, but that’s another rant). Ford Explorers, despite the title of this OP, are clearly of the size category “fucking large”.

So I had to climb in the passenger door. Unlike some action movies you may have seen, where the hero and sidekick casually trade places in a speeding car while wielding shotguns and such, this is not a particularly easy feat.

Thanks for ruining my lunch. Bastard.

Hope you didn’t accidentally walk by with your key sticking out of your hand. You might accidentally take some paint off of their door. :wink:

And the moral of the story is kids, When someone does something which you find offensive, make sure you answer with a criminal act to show them the error of their ways. :rolleyes:

At least he didn’t do the trend I’m seeing around here these days - parking on the line between two compact spaces taking up both. Or, my favourite, parking at a slight angle to make sure no one is going to fit in next to him and ding his baby.

I hate, hate, hate it when people do this. I have short, stubby legs, so I have my seat up close to the steering wheel, and I drive a stick shift, so it’s actually painful to climb into the driver’s seat from the passenger side. It’s really not that hard to back up and straighten out if you don’t get it right the first time.

The last time this happened to me, I went back in the store and asked the staff if they could page the person and ask them to move the car. They were nice enough to go around and find the person (not a large store, fortunately), and she evidently just hadn’t noticed that her car was parked less than a foot away from mine. I mean, really, how could you just not notice something like that?

And has anyone else noticed that as SUVs get larger and larger, parking spaces get smaller?

ME

I was tempted to throw some garbage through the open window, but I refrained.

Well, let’s not damage the vehicle, but I think a lipstick would make a good instrument for writing ‘Learn to Park’ on the passenger window. Just learn to write it backwards.

Lipstick isn’t exactly standard equipment for a straight guy to carry around. Chap Stick might work just as well though.

You, sir, are a model of restraint, and I salute you.

This is actually a logical development. One of the justifications for having a huge car is that they are safer if you hit by a smaller car (there are a lot of bad small car drivers out there[sup]*[/sup].

*There are no bad drivers of SUV’s, so the possibility that a person in a small car might be unjustly killed by an SUV is not something you have to worry about. Besides, if the kill ratio between big and small cars is somewhat skewed, well being bigger confers certain advantages. That’s the American Way. You’re not unAmerican are you?

But more and more people are pursuing this strategy. The end result is that (by reference to the average) SUV’s may become compacts.

And SUV drivers pursuing this strategy are going to have to start driving uber SUV’s, so that when they are hit by mere SUV’s (there are a lot of bad mere SUV drivers out there[sup]*[/sup]) those driving uber SUV’s will be OK.

*There are no bad drivers of uber SUV’s, so the possibility that a person in a mere SUV might be unjustly killed by an uber SUV is not something you have to worry about. Besides, if the kill ratio between big and small cars is somewhat skewed, well being able bigger confers certain advantages. That’s the American Way. You’re not unAmerican are you?

Yes, because I was seriously advocating vandalism, and wasn’t joking at all.:wally

Here are pictures of someone’s fucked up - uh, I mean tricked out - version of my car. He’s got like a flamethrower or something in his trunk, which makes me laugh - er, jealous, yeah. Alas, both mine and his are small import cars, which I suppose makes us both commie pinkos and traitors.

Unfortunately the suspension on that car seems to be broken.

But it does 0 to 3.5 in 60!

My response to all such parking lot fuck-nuggets (stolen shamelessly from someone else here on the SDMB) is to simply leave a note under their windshield saying “sorry I hit your car, but you were parked in compact slot” or whatever their transgression was. No damage done, but it sends a lesson, and I’ve seen a few people read the note and waste 5 minutes searching their baby high and low for that new ding!

I know people who have SERIOUSLY keyed someone’s car for blocking them into a parking space. Her technique, as I was told, was to jab the key forward and keep the pressure on so that you make sure to get right down to bare metal. If they can buff the scratch out, what’s the point?

Just a tip for all of you out there, don’t block in other cars at night in a bar heavy area. No matter how bad you need to park, find a safe place, drunk people don’t manage their anger terribly well.

That’s great! I gotta remember that.

No need to do anything illegal. sturmhauke probably could have dinged the truck just by opening the door.