AFC East
NE Patriots 4-1 Well you had your chance while Tom “Tiny Hands” Brady was out. Now you’re playing for the Wild Card.
Buffalo Bills 3-2 Everyone thought they were awesome then everyone thought they sucked. Who are the Bills?
St. Mary Catherine’s School for Girls 1-4
Florida Art College 1-4
AFC North
Pittsburgh Steelers 4-1 Big Ben And Brown keep moving on. Good shot to make the Super Bowl so the team should start thinking about the payoff to the Refs (again)
Baltimore Ravens 3-2 Only two loses were to two surprisingly decent teams - but aren’t those the games you have to win if you want to win the division? And 6 net points. At this rate they’ll be in the playoff scenarios where everything needs to break perfectly (aka ain’t gonna happen).
Cincinnati Bengals: 2-3 Looks like the ginger won’t get them back to the playoffs.
Cleveland Turds err… Browns 0-5 Guarantied a Cleveland Indians victory in the World Series because of course every other team in Cleveland will be national champions and the Browns finish 0-16.
AFC South
Why bother.
AFC West
Oakland Raiders 4-1 Big game Week 9
Denver Broncos 4-1 Big game Week 9
Kansas City Chiefs 2-2 It was good while it lasted
San Diego Chargers 1-3 Every year they are a nominee for “Underachiever of the Year” award.
NFC East
Dallas Cowboys 4-1 Tony or Dak? has become the new Ginger or Mary Ann?
Philadelphia Eagles 3-1 Couldn’t put the game away last week. Will it come back to haunt them?
Washington Redskins 3-2 BUT 3-0 after preseason games 5 and 6. HUGE game this week.
New York Giants 2-3 In auction fantasy leagues I spent big $$$ on Odell. I hate Odell
NFC North
Minnesota Vikings 5-0 The Vikings have used that missed field goal last year as motivation. Definitely a favorite to get to the Super Bowl.
GB Packers 3-1 Great record but extremely unimpressive in their wins.
Detriot Lions 2-3 Really close to being a contender. What is the missing piece?
Chicago Bears 1-4 The Bears are playing like little boys and the Cubs are playing like men.
NFC South
Atlanta Falcons 4-1 Have handed both Oakland and Denver their only loss. Question is how deep can they go in the playoffs. Depending on the odds, this may be my dark horse pick to win it all.
Everyone else 1-4
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks 3-1 They just do not look like the Seahawks of the last few years. Look for an early playoff exit at this rate.
LA Rams 3-2 1-0 against Seahawks, 2-1 in division, 3-1 in conference play. Probably gets into the playoffs on tiebreakers.
Arizona Cardinals 2-3 Time for everyone’s favorite coach to start earning his money.
SF 49ers 1-4 Remind me again why you fired Harbaugh.
I won’t be surprised if the Bengals end up finally firing Marvin Lewis this year. The defense was getting worse after they lost Zimmer and now the offense seems to be going in the can after losing Hue Jackson.
Falcons have looked good but remember they started 5-0 last year and then went 3-8.
Bucs and Panthers play tonight so at least one will be 2-3 not 1-4.
Raiders won another squeaker. If they can beat KC next week then I’ll feel confident in their playoff chances.
Sweet baby (Jesus) Rodgers, what’s happened to the Panthers? I know Cam’s been knocked so hard since week 1 that he still thinks he’s in the Super Bowl, but wow…
This week we get the number one run defense versus the number one run offense. I really hope Elliot doesn’t go the same way Peterson/Gurley/Lynch/Forte.
I’m not sure how far the Panthers have really fallen. Their losses were to Denver, Minn, and Atlanta, who all look great, and then last night without Cam. They had a kick to win the Denver game, and with Cam they would have won against Tampa Bay.
I know how to rationalize losses; I’m a Chargers fan
People I know theorize that Cam Newton is the test subject for a new defensive strategy: intentionally headshot dangerous quarterbacks until they’re forced into concussion protocol. And then win.
Penalties, ejections, and fines can’t cost enough to outweigh another win in the season record.
ETA: Yeah, I know. Sounds paranoid. And also applicable only to offenses with weak lines, high-value starting quarterbacks, and a really shallow bench. Should Russ Wilson be worried?
So it’s not really unheard of. The Super Bowl losers from 2000 through 2006 tanked horribly, all having losing records except the 9-7 Seahawks. Since 2009 everyone has at least made it back to the playoffs, though they usually lose in one or two games.
The Panthers’ problem, as I see it, is two-fold: 1) their offense really runs through Cam and doesn’t work if he’s not there (their O-line was pretty terrible last year), and 2) their pass defense is much worse this year. As borschevsky points out though they’ve played a lot of good teams so far.
I look forward to seeing the inventive ways in which my Chargers manage to lose tonight. “Recover a potentially game-winning turnover inside their own 20 then fumble out the back of the end zone effectively giving the opposing offense positive yards” was actually on my shortlist, but the Ravens beat them to it last week and they wouldn’t want to be copycats.
I enjoyed last week’s twist after the setup of a familiar premise; as Mike McCoy dutifully sent out the field goal unit to ensure the Bolts a 0% chance of winning the game in regulation, every Charger fan was already picturing the ensuing Raiders drive — Carr completing passes at will to receivers 10 yards downfield, who’d then gain 5-10 more before being tackled by a corner who’d dropped 20 yards back at the snap, followed by a 45-yard Janikowski boot to seal the deal. But no! The rookie punter, not content with the shame accrued by his earlier 16-yard punt, bobbles the snap and grants the fans the favor of a quick conclusion.
Tonight, well, the sky’s the limit. Maybe they’ll take a kickoff out of the back of the end zone, McCluster will get himself concussed on the 12, McCoy will return him to field unchecked, Whiz will call that bizarre flea-flicker he seems to like these days, and McCluster will get confused and chuck it to Von Miller who’ll score the winning TD. Whatever they cook up, I’ll be on the edge of my seat waiting!
“Walk into the kickoff for no reason whatsoever and then back off to let them recover” is a new one, but it’s not late enough to definitively lose the game. There’s more to come, I’m sure.
Eh, I’m going to go to bed reasonably content because I have to travel early tomorrow, but I still expect to wake up to find out that after review, Hunter Henry has been arrested by the NSA as a Russian sleeper agent and the Chargers retroactively forfeit the game.