My niece visited me last month for a week which was OK. Now she wants to move to my area but she has no money. I do not want to put her up even temporarily. I have told her she cannot stay with us but she has now found a job is on the way here with no where to stay. I’m afraid if I let her stay even one day I’ll won’t be able to get rid of her. What should I do? I think she does have some money to rent a place but it’s damn expensive and the job she got is only as a waitress in a new place just opening. I don’t want to be ugly to her but I also don’t want anyone sleeping on my couch. I will look like super bitch if I don’t let her stay even long enough to find a place to rent. What can I do?
Does your town have a YWCA? It’s a step above the Salvation Army shelter.
YWCA is not a homeless shelter, they only give housing - when available - to domestic violence victims.
Buttercup Smith - your house, your rules, and you already told her she couldn’t stay.
On the other hand, she’s family - what would it hurt?
On the other-other hand, why does it matter whether you “look like super bitch”?
A lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on yours.
You basically have two options, let her stay or let her try to make it on her own. It really is that simple. Do you have the sort of relationship with her and other family members that would make of the two more palatable to you?
I’d feel really bad for her if she ended up homeless and everything, but you did tell her she couldn’t stay there before she decided, right? So I don’t see how you are obligated to let her stay with you. I guess you just have to weigh the pros and cons. Maybe you could do research and give her a list of emergency housing resources or roommate-seekers.
Do you have good reason to expect that you’d have a hard time ejecting here if she did stay temporarily? Was her week-long visit unpleasant in some way that you don’t want her in your house any more?
Personally, I can’t imagine anyone imposing on me after I’ve told them directly that they would not be able to stay with me. If she’s already got a job lined up, what’s to prevent her from getting her own place? It’s not your fault if she doesn’t have deposit money. Grownups have to pay for things themselves.
What’s your relationship to her parent? Your sister or brother?
You could help her by pointing her in the direction of where she needs to look in order to find a place to live. Classifieds, Craig’s List? It doesn’t speak well for her organizational skills that she’s lined up a job and a new location without immediately jumping herself onto the housing search.
One thing in your OP is a bit unclear to me: has she indicated that she expects to be able to stay with you at first, or are you just worried that she assumes that she may do so? You said that you had told her clearly that she can’t stay with you, so why are you fretting about her staying with you?
It is understandable that you would be hesitant to take her in considering the situation. No one wants a guest who doesn’t have a clear exit strategy; it can easily turn sour when said guest fails to move out in the expected timeframe. You’ll want her out, but she’ll feel (unjustifiably) victimized. That’s no fun for anyone.
The best way I’ve found to handle this type of situation is to “lend” them a month of rent. (I put lend in quotes because you have to expect not to get the money back.) This offer allows your niece an opportunity to make it on her own, and in the event that she fails, her landlord is the bad guy, not you. She has one month to learn to get her footing in a new city, and if she fails, it’s on her. If she succeeds, then you might even get your money back.
This eliminates the emotional strife which could arise if you took her into your home. It is obviously generous, and no one can deny that you are making a good-faith effort to help out a family member. Of course, it requires you to have the cash to lose. Make sure she knows that you won’t be a source of additional funding, and you are not to be considered a backup plan of any sort. If she has reservations about this type of plan, then it is clear that she shouldn’t be moving in the first place.
Sorry, but this is one of those “how do I be a dick without other people thinking I’m a dick” questions. Unless there is something very wrong with niece, you have to let her crash on the couch. It’s in the rules, look it up. You are free to set a reasonable time limit, of course.
I missed the edit window, and I just noticed that she “is on her way.” So she is just expecting to stay with you, without first discussing it with you? That’s unacceptable. I’d turn her away at the door. Tell her to push back her start date with the new employer and then come up with an actual game plan regarding housing.
Let’s see - you’ve told her she can’t stay with you and she didn’t ask or tell you that she’s coming to stay. Is it possible that she’s already made other arrangements? If she shows up at your door, what’s to stop you from saying “Hi, welcome to town! Where are you staying??”
Maybe I’m an old grouch, but I don’t believe that just because you’re family, you get a pass on common courtesy, and inviting yourself to stay with someone is definitely *not *a courtesy.
I’m definitely an old grouch. Nobody stays with us. We don’t have a spare bedroom, and ain’t no way somebody’s going to camp indefinitely on our couch even if they are family. Especially if they show up in town expecting to stay with us after we told them in no uncertain terms that it wasn’t going to happen. Guilt trips just make me more stubborn.
If I had the means, I’d offer the niece some money toward her first month’s rent or maybe offer to put her up in a motel room for a week or two until she got her footing. But I’m a very private person and can’t stand having people I don’t want to live with staying at my house. One (admittedly small, but definitely there) reason why I married the spouse is that he’s one of the tiny handful of people I not only can stand living with, but actually enjoy it. 
She is family. Why can’t she stay till finds a place of her own? Give her a deadline.
I’ve heard plenty of horror stories about people who’ve had other people move in with them “just for a few days, or a month, or whatever” and ended up being stuck with them for far longer. It’s hard to kick somebody out of your house, especially if you care about them. What’s the OP going to do if she gives him the “Oh, I’m broke, just a few more weeks until I get some money saved, pleeeeeez?” thing? Toss her stuff out on the street? Is it even legal to do that? Not to mention the hard feelings that would result if he kicked her to the curb after the deadline expired and she didn’t want to leave. Better to get the hard feelings out of the way early and before she moves in.
I can’t speak for Buttercup Smith but from my own experience I suspect the answer is “because when the deadline comes the niece may expect to be able to stay because she’s family”.
Someone who doesn’t hesitate to go where she’s not wanted will continue to stay where she’s not wanted. I would say something like, “When people stay on my couch longer than a week, I get unbearably cranky. That’s why I said no in the first place. What are your plans for when the week is up?” If she’s vague, shake your head and say, “You need a plan for where you’re going next week. I’m afraid that’s the price for the rental of the couch.” If she’s still vague, offer to look up cheap hotels for her.
If she stays, make sure there are firm rules. If she gets too comfortable, she may never move out on her own.
And don’t feel guilty. If she’s mature enough to be out on her own, she’s mature enough to have figured this out.
This. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard or read about someone who has an unwanted “visitor” who is now a permanent resident. It always starts off with someone wanting to crash for a week or a month, and then that short period of time passes, but somehow there’s still not enough money to get an apartment, and so the week or month stretches into a few months, and into infinity and beyond.
It would be different if the OP had volunteered to put up the niece for a month or so. But apparently Niece invited herself into the place. If Niece feels OK with declaring that she’s going to stay with the OP, without even asking, Niece has boundary issues, and won’t respect the OP’s right to her own home.
“HAVE” to? Says who?
When my wife and I moved to New York in 2000 I asked my aunt if we could stay at her house in Long Island until we found a place in the city; she said no. I haven’t spoken with her since, despite living in Manhattan for two years. It also caused a major break between her and my dad, who had formerly been very close to her - they’re still barely on speaking terms. So the OP should just bear that in mind.
Incidentally, we signed a lease 3 days after landing.
I may be completely misinterpreting your statement. If s, apologies.
But the Boston YWCA is both a shelter/low income housing AND a discount hotelfor budget travelers.
So suggesting she live at the YWCA while looking for a better apartment isn’t a wacky suggestion, depending on what city you’re in.