Siddles up to womanOfScorn
Blimey. Now this is a crime! What right does a beautiful woman such as yourself 'ave to look so down? No wait! Don’t tell me - its baby problems innit, and don’t be denying it cos i can tell by that glint in your eye that i’m right.
Now i know whats goin’ through your mind petal. Youse is thinkin’
“How does this ‘ere dodgy geezer in the pub what i have not been knowing for more than 2 minutes know how I is thinkin’? And, more important like, who the hell is he and 'ow do i gets rid of him toot sweet!”
And thems both fair questions i’ll hold me 'ands up and admit that.
Well first off let me introduce meself - for i am being remiss in me manners! Me name’s Garius but most people round 'ere call me “The Stork” - and with good reason if i may say so myself.
And i think its fair to say, my lovelly, that i is the answer to your problems.
You see petal, i know exactly what your problem is. Not because i’m one of those magicians like that Daniel Copperfield or that Dennis Blaine bloke, but because i have seen it many times before. Many’s the time i’ve been sitting in a fine drinking establishment such as this when out of the blue i ‘ave found meself chatting to some poor sod at the bar who’s avin’ problems with the missus.
“Gary,” They always say, “I’m getting long in the years and i need a son. But the War Office ain’t co-operating! Why is it that she won’t give me the heir i do so rightly deserve?”
And my answer to them is always the same.
“Because, my mate,” I always says to them, “You is forgetting that yours is the easy part in the process. A quick pop beneath the sheets and two minutes of fumbling and you’ve done the business for queen and country, if you know what i mean. Your dear lady wife, on the other hand, has to spend nine months doin’ her bit - no wonder she ain’t 'appy about it!”
“Thats true enough” Says them normally, “So how do i rectify this imbalance?”
And this sweet cheeks, is where i have your solution!
whips out a folder full of baby photos
For I am offering you the chance to skip those nine months and jump straight to the part where you get to mould a beautiful bouncing new human being in your own image. Just browse through this selection and pick one that you fancy. When you’ve found something thats similar to you what you want i will get one custom built for you that matches perfectly your requirements.
i personally guarantee that it will be of the highest quality and delivered to your very own door within three days, for the cost of only a very small handling fee. A small fee, i might add, that its probably not worth us bothering the taxman about.
Anyway, i can see you want to think this over, so i’ll leave you this folder to peruse and leave you alone for a while - just let me know when you’ve found one you like - i’ll be perched on the corner of the bar over there.
I think its fair to say, pumpkin, that this is your lucky day…
Siddles away again
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