No, I'm not a twin or a mother of twins.. so bite me, you supercilious bint! (long)

The BBQ Pit
1

Dear Laura:

I thought we were having a rather nice IM conversation, until you broadsided me with this:

What the friggin’ hell is up with that?!? You had me quite gobsmacked for a while, but I decided not to answer that piece of work. I think it would have been counterproductive. :mad:

Just because I’m not a twin or a mother of twins doesn’t mean you can tell me rudely in the course of an IM conversation that you don’t want to talk to me for those reasons. (if you had told me politely, then yeah, this thread and the other one might not exist) And I may be too young for you, but we have a diverse age range on the message board that we’re both members of. That’s one of the things that makes it a good board. If everyone was of the same age range with similar interests, then it would be very boring. (as Craig said) Obviously, you can’t appreciate that, so I think it’s a good thing I found out you were so rude NOW rather than later.

In case you hadn’t noticed, there are other members on the boards that aren’t twins / (“honorary”) relatives of twins / directly connected to twins. I can name at least a few off the top of my head, and I’m sure you can too. Just because we choose to post on a board where the majority of members are twins / other multiples, and/or the parents of such, doesn’t mean that our opinions and such aren’t appreciated.

For myself, I know that I can’t say much about various aspects of the twin world, which is why I don’t post much in certain forums on the board. But don’t you dare imply that I don’t know anything at all. I’m interested and would like to know more. Isn’t that the point of having the forums open to everyone?

While it’s your perogative to choose whom you wish to talk to on IM, if you limit yourself to just talking to people who are connected to twins in some way, then I think you are doing yourself a disservice. You are not obligated to talk to everyone on the board via IM, or be best friends with everyone, and I know that. I was just trying to be nice to you, and connect with other people of the board. But I’m not going to let this get me down at all; in fact, I feel better after talking to various people on the TS board and off… not to mention posting the thread on the board.

Lynda has said that she’s heard from Melissa that you are annoying, and that sometimes you start off IMs nicely, then get rude. She’s said that I’m too nice for you, which I’m beginning to think is the case. All I ever wanted to do was hopefully connect with someone who was also interested in twins. I realize that my input may be limited because I’m not as knowledgeable as you or others, but if you choose not to take the chance to interact with someone who’s outside of your limited world, then that’s your loss

One of the purposes of the board is to offer a place where people can find support, friendship, etc. While I’m just casually interested in twins and such, I feel that I most certainly qualify. You’re the one who’s always posted her various screen names numerous times on the boards, and I’ve only done so at most three tiems. I assume that since you loved to chat, you’d at least like to chat with me, though I’m not connected to twins in any way except friendship-wise. Guess I was wrong. :frowning: (other people don’t care if I’m connected to twins or anything at all… it’s all good to them)

I hope you’ve seen the thread I started on the TS board about this incident, and know this: I am not going to let you drive me from that board, or indeed restrict myself further. Everyone in the thread has supported me, and said I am most welcome on the board to post as much as I like. The board is open to people with an interest in twins, no matter whether they are actually the parent of twins, or a twin themselves. Get THAT through your head!

And just so you know, I’m not going to hold a grudge against you… you’re not worth the time and negative energyu it would take for one. You might say that the thread I started about you at TS was enough; well, I decided to Pit you for a final catharsis. No, I’m not vindictive… I’m just getting the word out. :smiley:

F_X

2

I went and read the thread and noted that you describe yourself as a member of the Straight Dope 1000 post club. Whatever that is.

You don’t think it isn’t the teeniest bit passive-aggressive to post that thread on their board, indirectly link to here and name names in the thread here?

I’m also in some sympathy with Laura. I belong to some specialist forums and at times I’m not hugely interested in talking to people without kids or without kids like mine. While I would be more polite than Laura, I did think she had a point in there.

3

am I following this correctly?

a pit rant over an IM regarding a thread on another (non-SDMB) forum?

heathen is confused… again…

[sub]either that, or flamy is WAY over the top[/sub]

4

Primaflora beat me to it. I’ll add that although you much later in the TS thread acknowledged that this person only pushed you away regarding IMing, your bringing up the topic on that board rather than just in a followup IM to her was kind of odd. It makes it seem like a “but you guys still love me, right?” pep rally. What does that achieve?

Although you didn’t name names on the TS board, advertising your post count at the SDMB could lead people there to here, and it’s easy to figure out who is the “culprit” then. Are you trying to start a witch hunt against her, or didn’t this possibility come to mind?

I’m at the point where I’m picky about giving out my contact info for ICQ. This is because too many people would take my number and message me constantly, some even angrily messaging me about being “rude” when I wouldn’t reply to them quickly or would go into privacy mode. My interpretation of this woman’s response, though perhaps rudely worded, was that she really preferred to limit how many people she spoke with via IM. Apparently you don’t fit her preferences as someone to speak with on IM, but I would wager that the post over on the TS board merely cemented her impression of you.

I’m not excusing the fact that her response was poorly worded, mind you.

5

Weary sighs, eye-rolling, and slow rhythmic poundings of heads against walls, I think.

We Love You-themed pep rallies may also result, I suppose.

6

I’m not seeing where she was especially rude. She explained why she didn’t want to speak to you and ended with a smilie. What would you have preferred her to do?

So she doesn’t want to talk to you. Oh well. Not really a big cause to throw such a hissy fit here and there. Sure, you’re free to rant and say whatever you like in the name of catharsis. It’s a free world. Just be aware that it looks like you’re stamping your feet and having a tantrum because someone you don’t know and who doesn’t know you didn’t love you enough.

7

My aunt and uncle are twins. Give me her IM and we can hook up for a l’il sumptin sumptin (nudge nudge), IYKWIM…

I kid, I kid. But I’ll bet a great pickup line over there would be “hey, weren’t you my conjoined twin? No? Well, do you want to be?”

8

I thought some more about this.

What you did, Flamsterette X, sucked. You joined a community which was set up to specifically support mothers of twins. You’re not a mother of twins. Laura is. Who needs the support here? Her or you? Your nasty little fiesta of who loves me baby potentially could lead to alienation of a community where she belongs and you are an outside observer. It’s one thing to tell her privately that you found her behaviour rude and hurtful. It’s a whole other kettle of fish for you to publicly get people to say you are fabulous and she’s, well, not.

9

And how exactly does this effect you in real life? Just curious.

10

And the problem is??? I’m majorly confused here.

So one person was rude, big deal. There’s plenty of people around here that probably can’t stand me. Do I give a rat’s ass?

Hell no.

In fact, I like it when people hate me. It’s a fetish thing.

11

I’m extremely uncomfortable with the fact that you are representing yourself at another board as a member of the (fictional) “Straight Dope 1000 post club.” I’d hate for those twin folks to think that you are in any way a representative member of this board.

I am also uncomfortable with the fact that you are bringing problems with another board here, and providing links. Haven’t the mods asked us not to do that?

So the lady doesn’t want to be friends with you. Boo fucking hoo.

12

I did not describe myself as such; rather, the administrators of that board made up a goofy custom title for me. I didn’t tell them what to put in there, and thought it was quite cute, actually.

I’m not sure I indirectly linked to this board in that thread. In fact, I never did, unless it was so inadvertent that only people who had this highly raised sense of pickiness could see it. If you’re talking about my custom title, again: I did not tell the admins what to put in there. It was their own creation.

And while I did note that it was her perogative to talk to whomever she wished, I was merely expressing my shock and the rude way in which she chose to convey this information to me. I’m not saying she doesn’t have a point, it’s just that they way in which she chose to get that point across wasn’t exactly the best one.

happyheathen, you may be as confused as you like. This is my rant, so I can’t control your feelings over it. As fot it being a rant over an IM session about a non-SDMB forum, deal with it. I’m sure there have been similarly themed rants here in the past.

DeniseV, I never for once thought about a witch hunt. Besides, there are a few people over there named Laura. Granted, I could have followed up in an IM to her, but I was too shocked at the time… and I don’t think she would have answered me anyways. I like answers, as you can see. And no, it was NOT a “Who still loves me?” kind of thing… it was more a “This is what happened to me” thing. And if she wanted to limit the number of people she spoke to over IM, then she could just have said that, and I wouldn’t have gotten nearly as steamed over it.

Drastic, the fact is that I don’t care if there’s an appreciation thread for me over there at all. I just wanted to get the word out about that incident.

Francesca, my interpretation of that smilie was, “Hahaha. Now I’ve told you what I think of you, and man, am I satisfied.” So I was a bit cheesed about that. Besides, it’s about the delivery and perceived tone of her words… it just felt like there was something a bit wanting there.

Enderw24: perhaps. But I have a feeling that they don’t like too much of the flirty vibe over there.

Primaflora, here we go again.

If this is true, then all the fathers, husbands, and other relatives of twins (not to mention the parents of other multiples, and others who just have an interest in them) also did something which really sucked, in your words. So I wouldn’t say the board was specifically set up for that purpose and that puipose only.

I wasn’t talking about support through parenting of twins, either. In this case, it’s support of a community member through a bad incident. I’d imagine she needs the support for parenting her twins, which is the best thing. However, just because I don’t need support through certain other things doesn’t mean I’m not a good person.

Oh, and I wouldn’t say it was a fiesta, either. Hardly that at all. Maybe the word you’re looking for is perhaps fiasco? Sheesh. Learn to at least look up unfamiliar words before using them. I’d say you earn a :smack: right there for that one.

The point of that thread was NOT to get everyone to say that I’m better than she is. It was, as I’ve said, just to express my feelings over that incident. If you posted a smilar thread, I wouldn’t say you were looking for attention or anything else that you’ve falsely accused me of.

hardy, do ALL rants have to be about things that affect you in real life? I know it would probably be more pointed if it was something that did so, but as it happens, this rant is not. But to answer your question, it does not affect me in real life. However, it does affect me to a bit in the virtual community, adn as such, I felt it was appropriate to post. We all know that message boards aren’t really real life, after all.

Guinastasia, it isn’t a huge deal, but I’m sure that weaker rants have been posted. (not that I’m saying mine’s any good, mind you) Besides, I might have saved this for MPSIMS were I not sure that I could restrain myself from breaking the guidelines therein as far as acceptable language are concerned.

I do care if people are rude to me, unless it’s someone whom I really don’t like… or have a snowball’s chance in hell chance of liking. In this case, I thought that perhaps I had a chance of connecting with her. I was sadly wrong. But there are other people (not necessarily from that site) who support me in this. I don’t like it when people are rude to me, especially since I make an effort not to be rude unless provoked. (this post being an odd exception, I guess)

F_X

13

I’m extremely uncomfortable with the fact that you are representing yourself at another board as a member of the (fictional) “Straight Dope 1000 post club.” I’d hate for those twin folks to think that you are in any way a representative member of this board.

I am also uncomfortable with the fact that you are bringing problems with another board here, and providing links. Haven’t the mods asked us not to do that?

So the lady doesn’t want to be friends with you. Boo fucking hoo.

14

Whew, I’m glad I didn’t piss you off the one time you messaged me on AIM. (Note to anyone: I’m usually working while I’m online so I can sometimes be kind of terse… ) :confused:

I think you are way over-reacting.

15

Green Bean: And you are a representative member of these boards? I don’t know about that. I’m not saying I am a representative member of the boards, of course. Since this is the Pit, I’m sure you can be as rude as you feel like being.

As for your other point, I was worried about that, but only thought of it after I posted the thread. I thought that if I didn’t provide a link, people would certainly ask for one. Sorry about that.

F_X

16

Another one here for overreaction. I’m also with Green Bean here, in that you should not be dragging things from one board to another. Plus, when you vent and rant things like this, be prepared for negative responses from the community.

17

Jinwicked: no, you did not piss me off that time I messaged you on AIM. You were perfectly nice, and I didn’t think you were rude at all.

Ginger, I did weigh the risks of posting this in the Pit, or even if I should at all. (dragging things from one board to another being a primary consideration which I obviously should have given more weight) I thought I was prepared to receive negative responses from people here… that’s the thing with posting things in the Pit. Or at least, that’s what has happened to my Pit threads in general, and this is no exception, I see.

F_X

18

Ummm… Flamey…

is this going the way you envisioned?

what did you expect to happen?

that the dopers[sup]TM[/sup] would all rally 'round you for dragging this feud in here?

learn anything?

19

Man oh man.

Advice to use a dictionary? Geez. I’m cut to the quick. Really. I used the word fiesta because I meant fiesta. In the sense of pity party.

I think the fiasco is that you expected an outpouring of sympathy here and didn’t get it.

You’re out of line here and there. Your pathetic defence that there is more than one person called Laura on that board just makes it worse, not better. But I’m guessing that on Planet SelfAbsorbed it’s hard to see that.
And the difference between you and Green Bean as representative of this community is that she is not advertising herself as a member of the SDMB.

20

DeniseV, I never for once thought about a witch hunt. Besides, there are a few people over there named Laura. Granted, I could have followed up in an IM to her, but I was too shocked at the time… and I don’t think she would have answered me anyways. I like answers, as you can see. And no, it was NOT a “Who still loves me?” kind of thing… it was more a “This is what happened to me” thing. And if she wanted to limit the number of people she spoke to over IM, then she could just have said that, and I wouldn’t have gotten nearly as steamed over it.
[/QUOTE]

It was an apparently spur-of-the-moment statement in conversation, perhaps it came out really wrong and she didn’t even notice that it could have been misconstrued? If so, I’d say it’s probably a toss-up as to whether she would apologize to you or not after this - if I were her, I’d probably think “gee, if I offended her she should have just told me so”.

And even still, if your posting was to vent, where does the “she won’t keep me from continuing to post here” attitude come from? She made a rude-sounding comment on IM, and I just can’t see how that extrapolates to the boards themselves. I’m sure there are folks here who wouldn’t care to speak with me in IM and might even be rude about it, but I wouldn’t connect that fact with not feeling welcome on the board in general.

Regarding her anonymity, here’s the parting line in your OP:

That doesn’t to me indicate that you particularly cared if people figured out exactly who had snubbed you.

I’d suggest IMing her with your feelings of being hurt by her phrasing, but I think it’s too late for that - bringing it public on the twin board with that thread will more than likely only have made her feel defensive. I’m at a loss as to what might help this situation.