No means NO, especially after a goddam YEAR

It’s been a YEAR.

You know how long that year has been-you’ve told me umpteen times how long it’s been and how you can’t wait to finally see me again. You complained about how long it’s been since you had any. I couldn’t say that, because it wasn’t. But that doesn’t matter. It’s one of those things.

I was so hopeful that things with you would blow over. You even “fell in love” with that one girl. I was so happy for you, but it didn’t last.

Before long you were back to your old tricks, trying to tell me you loved me so much. You barely even know me, how can you say you love me? Besides, wasn’t it clear that I didn’t need you? That I was 500 miles away, and going through boyfriends and flings all by my big bad self without your help or guidance? Ever realized that in that year I might have CHANGED? Grown up a little? Yeah, as a matter of fact, I grew BALLS over the past year, learned how to say no, turned myself around.

I don’t want you anymore.

I thought you were cool, and easy to talk to, and cute, and sweet when I met you last summer. I thought you cared. You listened. You were intriguing. You made me feel wanted, desired, beautiful, and intelligent…I cried the night before I left, and you held me and it was wonderful and heartbreaking. My friends knew you by face.

When I went home, a month later you happened to mention it like it wasn’t a big deal. “By the way, you know I’m bi, right?” You didn’t even tell me you were bisexual until I got home! 500 fucking miles away! I guess you waited because you knew I wouldn’t like it, and hate you for lying to me about something so important. You were honest about everything concerning yourself except that.

Do you know how scared and disgusted I was? Not only had you decided this long before you met me, (giving you plenty of time to realize this and let me know), you had participated in things before you met me that make me sick to think of. You had the audacity to brag about it, while 500 miles away I’m sitting in my living room ready to cry. Why the fuck didn’t you tell me? Hell yes, it would have changed what happened. What if I had slept with you? And caught something? I might have never known if you hadn’t told me.

You were older, smoother, wiser and worldier. You saw my innocence and you liked it, and you took it. Your name was at the top of a list, a long one that might never finish. And since then I’ve told you, time and time again, gently at first then firmly, that I didn’t want to get involved when I saw you again. You said it was ok.

But you haven’t stopped pushing. You keep bitching to me about what you want to do to me once you get me alone, and frankly, I don’t give a fuck, because you’re not getting jackshit off of this little girl. Not this time, no. No.

No…what a novel concept. Your puny brain obviously can’t handle it. Every time I talk to you, I dread it now, because I have to keep telling you it’s NOT going to happen. And once I think you’ve finally understood, you pull something again. You demean me by the questions you ask and the things you assume. You thought I would SLEEP with you? Oh no, fuck that. And I’m not going to “at least give you head.” I’m not going to touch you if I can help it!

I am not the same person I was a year ago. I’m sure your charms are still in working order, but I’m trying something new now, exercising my self control. I’m going to this conference as a way to learn and grow. You’re treating it as a way to see me, and I don’t like that. You’re selling yourself, and me, short.

So throw away your hopes for the last time. There’s no way in hell you’ll get anything from me. Go prey on some other little girl this year.

Sounds like you have learned and grown a lot in that year. It also sounds like he has not. Best thing to do is to break contact with him. He sounds like he is no good for you.

Um, so, ok, he’s a scumbag, but what does his being bisexual have to do with that?

Just asking for clarification…

Esprix

If you’re saying that you suspect he would have lied about having a STD because he lied about his sexuality, I can understand that. But the impression I get from your post is that you are assuming that bi == seething mass of horrific diseases, and I think that’s flat-out offensive and unjustified.

I would suggest breaking of contact with him. You are frightened and disgusted by his sexuality, and clearly very angry at him, and you don’t seem to like him at all. What is served by pretending to be friends? (And I think it would be better for him to be away from someone who sees him as you do, as well).

I’m going to back up what Gaudere’s saying.

Speaker, what is this about, anyway? Is it his sexuality? Yes, if love and war were really fair, he would have explained his sexuality to you as soon as there were sparks. Of course, if love and war were fair, you would have made it clear that you have no interest in being involved with a bisexual man.

If you really are scared and disgusted by this man, then cut off all contact with him. Block his email addresses, refuse to take his calls, tear up the letters he sends you. Give him no response at all.

Otherwise, you’re just as responsible for this dramafest as he is.

Well, you all know* all bisexuals are disease-ridden filthy liars. :rolleyes:

You’re enabling this guy, Searching. I agree with everyone else here–cut the shit and tell him what you really think. Why go through the melodrama?

And be careful not to get too close. He might spread his bisexual STD’s on you.

sigh

Must be the wrath of God for standing up for bisexuality. Just turn your fucking head and my post above looks normal.

Bullshit. If I turn my head I can hardly read it at all. Oh, you mean the other way. My bad.

Back to the thread…this guy sounds like an asshole. If he is bisexual, then he is a bisexual asshole. So what does it matter if he is bisexual? An asshole is an asshole.

Searching for Truth I applaud your new found strength in refusing to be intimate with him again, but I think you need to tell him EXACTLY why you don’t want ANY type of relationship (even friends. how good a friend could he possibly be anyway?) with him. Then do what everyone else has said and cut off all contact. Once you realize you do have the right to cut people out of your life, you will really be empowered.

Is it possible that being friends with someone who is bi wouldn’t have bothered her, but sleeping with someone bi does? A person’s sexuality can make a difference is how we feel about getting intimate with them. Some people may have a problem about having sex with a person who likes to fuck everything that moves (and I’m referring to heterosexual people here, so chill).

Being PC about who we let fuck us is a ridiculous concept.

A person’s sexuality can make a difference **in[/] how we feel…

And I previewed it!

Although that one I didn’t. Damn!!!

Couple of things:

Since we don’t know what these “things” are, I assume that they could be the reason for her disgust. Perhaps he had a barebacking fest for months on end or unprotected group sex. Certainly could raise major red flags for her. I didn’t interpret her post as saying he was gross for being bi, but rather for the unmentioned “things” he participated in.

also,

If I knew you in person I would kick you square in the ass. Hello?? Why are you allowing this to happen? Next time he calls/writes/smokesignals, you tell him “Go fuck yourself”. End of story. Don’t let anyone talk to you like this. Ever.

Zette

backing against wall with hands in air
I’m sorry! I’m sorry!

First off, I’m sorry if it sounded as if his bisexuality was what bothered me so-it was his actions, not his preferences.

So far, I’m sitting and absorbing this all like a greedy little sponge.

Thank you guys…please don’t bite my head off…

Searching, I can’t speak for anyone else here (but I’m going to try anyway). I think most people are angry for you, not at you here. If I could, I would kick this guy’s ass for you, too. He’s not somebody that anybody needs in their lives; he’s a lifeforce sucker. All take, no give. (And just for the record, good men don’t push when a woman tells them to leave her alone.) But I don’t really understand why you have to see this loser again. Is it a family event that you can’t get out of, or something like that?

Cut off all contact with this guy. He’s not going to give up, and if he lied about something as simple as his sexual orientation (Not that there’s anything wrong with being bi), then there’s no telling what else he’s “forgotten” to tell you.

He’s going to see any conversation you have with him as encouragement. Cut him off.

It’s a church youth conference. By some freak accident his youth group happened to have the same week as mine.

Hand of God…or the DEVIL? grins

Caller ID
Screen your calls
Call Wave
Don’t open emails from him
Ignore List online messages
Change your phone number

Don’t say No any more

Say nothing—he’ll get tired sooner or later and in the meantime, you’re not having to hear it anymore. This man wants his dick sucked by you or whoever—don’t give him another second of your life.

My grandma always says “Nothing takes the fight out of man like a sucking chest wound”.

Now I’m not suggesting you shoot this man in the chest, but my grandma would.

A church youth group conference? Yikes. How ironic is that? Well, maybe you can stick with the pack and not be alone with this guy at all. He can’t pull any funny moves if he has no opportunity. And like everyone else said, cut him out of your life completely. You’ll wonder why you waited so long after you do, I bet. :slight_smile: