NO! No no no no! Nooooooo! Mine! (I'm Two Years Old Now) *or* Long and Listy

Yup. I’ve been Doping for two years now. Two whole years. Yup.

In two years, have I learned anything? Uhhhh… nope. Not a thing, thanks for playing and have a muffin. I have made a couple of friends around here. A good four or five of you. Maybe four or five. Three. Three good Doper friends. Fight it out amongst yourselves as to who my friends are.

OK, I kid. I’m a kidder. I gots lots of Doper friends. Lots and lots. If you think I’m talking about you when I say I have a lot of Doper friends, odds are you’re right. (Even you. You know who you are.) You can tell I have a bunch of Doper friends from my e-mail. I’m always getting e-mail from my Doper friends. Everyday I get a good scad of e-mail from my Doper friends. Usually it’s along the lines of:

My Dearest Rue,

You are the most wonderful poster on the Boards. Knowing you are around somewhere makes my day that much brighter. You’re like a glowing piece of the sun in my otherwise drab, cold day. Because I want you to be my friend I’m sending you pictures of me.

Your best friend ever,
(I’m not saying who sends me these e-mails. It could embarrass them.)

Then there’s four or five pictures attached. They make me think of things like “bendy” and “acrobatic” usually. Sometimes they are all arty and have soft focus and dramatic lighting, but usually the word “bendy” pops into my head. I just wish I could get girls to send me pictures like this.

Another trend in my e-mails from you, my fellow Dopers is that you all want to be more like me. Since I’m just here to help, I threw together a list. It’s a reading list. The Rue DeDay Reading List to Mold Your Brain Into a Shape More Like Mine. It’s even better than the Oprah reading list. Really, it is. It has to be better because these are all my books. Not like books I wrote personally, but books I have on my personal bookshelves. (Since it’s books I have myself, I couldn’t exclude that one book I got from the library that one time that was a History of the Toilet. Really, I got a toilet history book from the library one time. I forget what the actual name of the book was and even who wrote it, but really how many toilet history books are there?) So here goes,

The Rue DeDay Reading List to Mold Your Brain Into a Shape More Like Mine
[ul]
[li]The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams[/li][li]The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul - (non-ibid) Douglas Adams[/li][li]Big Trouble - Dave Barry[/li][li]Against a Dark Background - Iain M. Banks[/li][li]Where is Joe Merchant? - Jimmy Buffett[/li][li]The Warrior’s Apprentice - Lois McMaster Bujold[/li][li]The Big Sleep - (Everybody Loves) Raymond Chandler [/li][li]Moonlight and Vines - Charles deLint[/li][li]Buddy Holly is Alive and Well on Ganymede - Bradley Denton (just because of the title, it being pretty good is just gravy)[/li][li]Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? - Philip K. Dick[/li][li]American Gods - Neil Gaiman[/li][li]Good Omens - Neil Gaimon and Terry Pratchett[/li][li]Neverwhere - Neil Gaimon[/li][li]Neuromancer - William Gibson[/li][li]Shadows Fall - Simon R. Green[/li][li]The Maltese Falcon - Dashiell Hammett (more sex than the movie!)[/li][li]Friday - Robert A. Heinlein[/li][li]I Will Fear No Evil - Robert A. Heinlein (more sex than The Maltese Falcon!)[/li][li]Job: A Comedy of Justice - Robert A. Heinlein[/li][li]The Moon is a Harsh Mistress - Robert A. Heinlein[/li][li]Starship Troopers - Robert A. Heinlein[/li][li]Stranger in a Strange Land - Robert A. Heinlein[/li][li]Catch-22 - Joseph Heller[/li][li]Batman: The Dark Knight Returns - Frank Miller[/li][li]The Fifth Elephant - Terry Pratchett[/li][li]Hogfather - Terry Pratchett[/li][li]Men at Arms - Terry Pratchett[/li][li]The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales - Jon Scieszka and Lane Smith[/li][li]Where the Wild Things Are - Maurice Sendak[/li][li]The Goblin Reservation - Clifford D. Simak[/li][li]Hyperion - Dan Simmons[/li][li]The Fall of Hyperion - Dan Simmons[/li][li]The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien[/li][li]The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien[/li][li]Superheros - Edited by John Varley and Ricia Mainhardt[/li][li]20,000 Leagues Under the Sea - Jules Verne[/li][li]All the “Calvin and Hobbes” compilations - Bill Watterson[/li][/ul]

(Of course you should read all the Dougie Adams, Loie Bujold, Bob Heinlein and Terry Pratchett (even though I’m not so cool as to call him “Pterry”) you can. Sometimes you get busy though and these should get you started.)

Along with all those books, there’s also a play list of music you can listen to. You could listen as you read, but you don’t really have to. It’s not like it’s a rule or anything. (And I just have the album I have for each version of the song. You don’t have to have the same album, but to really be authentic you should.)(And by “album” I mean “CD”.)

[ul]
[li]Ants Marching - The Dave Matthews Band - Under the Table and Dreaming[/li][li]Amnesia - Chumbawamba - Tubthumper[/li][li]Birdhouse In Your Soul - They Might Be Giants - Flood[/li][li]Bonnie & Slyde - Béla Fleck and the Flecktones - UFO Tofu[/li][li]Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison - Bang Masters[/li][li]Chanson Pour Les Petits Enfants - Jimmy Buffett - Volcano[/li][li]Closer To Free - Bodeans - Go Slow Down[/li][li]Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen - Greatest Hits[/li][li]Diamond As Big As The Ritz - Jimmy Buffett - Barometer Soup[/li][li]Domino - Van Morrison - His Band and Street Choir[/li][li]Galaxy Song - Monty Python - Monty Python Sings[/li][li]God Is A Real Estate Developer - Michelle Shocked - Captain Swing[/li][li]Good Riddance - Green Day - Nimrod[/li][li]I Don’t Want To Live On The Moon - Shawn Colvin and Ernie - Elmopalooza![/li][li]I’m Different - Randy Newman - Trouble In Paradise[/li][li]The Impression That I Get - The Mighty Mighty Bosstones - Let’s Face It[/li][li]I’ll Tell Me Ma - Van Morrison and the Chieftains - Irish Heartbeat[/li][li]It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) - R.E.M. - Document[/li][li]Jump Jive an’ Wail - The Brian Setzer Orchestra - The Dirty Boogie[/li][li]Linus and Lucy - Vince Guaraldi Trio - A Charlie Brown Christmas[/li][li]Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds - The Beatles - Seargent Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band[/li][li]The Middle - Jimmy Eat World - Jimmy Eat World[/li][li]My Parties - Dire Straits - On Every Street[/li][li]Name - The Goo Goo Dolls - A Boy Named Goo[/li][li]Nothin On Me - Shawn Colvin - A Few Small Repairs[/li][li]On The Greener Side - Michelle Shocked - Captain Swing[/li][li]Pico De Gallo - Trout Fishing in America - Big Trouble[/li][li]Real Real Gone - Van Morrison - Enlightenment[/li][li]Run-Around - Blues Traveler - Four[/li][li]Slide - The Goo Goo Dolls - Dizzy Up The Girl[/li][li]Sultans Of Swing - Dire Straits - Dire Straits[/li][li]Tubthumping - Chumbawamba - Tubthumper[/li][li]Werewolves Of London - Warren Zevon - A Quiet Normal Life[/li][li]What A Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong - What A Wonderful World[/li][li]Women And Men - They Might Be Giants - Flood[/li][li]Yakko’s Universe - Animaniacs - Yakko’s World[/li][/ul]

Since you’re my friends and all I’d just be fascinated to hear all about your favorite books and music. Really. Almost as much as I’d like to see your bendy pictures.
-Rue.

I think I’ve read about 12 of the books on your list, but they are the important ones.

Got me beat, Shibb - I think I’ve read 2. And I only recognize maybe 4 or 5 of the songs. I’m crushed. All this time, I thought I connected with Rue on a deep, spiritual, visceral level, when in fact, it’s probably just raw animal lust. Without the bendy factor - I’m not limber enough to be bendy.

Another illusion shattered.

My bookshelves have a lot of Erma Bombeck and Taylor Caldwell and Sue Grafton. And Dilbert.

Is this gonna cost me my #1 Special Friend status?? [sub]note the trembly lower lip…[/sub]

Oh, man, that’s a lot of reading. And listening. Looks like I have my work cut out for me. Ah, well. It’s worth it to Mold My Brain Into a Shape More Like Rue’s.

Do I still have to do the reading and listening if I’m bendy? I’ve been doing yoga, so I’m pretty flexible now… I must have pictures here somewhere…

rummages through desk

Oh, look, I found pie!

Damn. I own more than half those books (they came with hubby – part of the deal). Maybe I should get around to reading all of them sometime. Heh. I’ve read 11 of them so far.

I love getting new reading lists!

As fer the music, the only thing I would suggest is an addition. I think you’d really enjoy a band called Pain. Definitely needs to be on your list.

I can always exepct to get my first morning smile right here.

Books? Anything by Peter F. Drucker.

Music? Here’s a lost classic… Check out “Looking Out For #1” by BTO. (In my defense, I’m not a BTO fan at all but this one song is fantastic and, unfortunately, quite forgotton.)

Now that I look at the song list more closely, I own a few of the songs, know most of them (Middle by Jimmy Eat World is a fave of my (soon to be) five year old.

If I wanted a moldy brain I can just do the stuff on the list?
Pssst, Rue, something has come up and I won’t be able to make the Aeroplane Dope this weekend

I am intrigued by your ideas, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Sorry about the pictures, Rue. I’ll just send along an e-mail praising your greatness next time.

Don’t worry Snickers, no one’s getting re-assigned on the Special Frieds list based on the reading list. It’s just a service I provide. (Not all services are really that good.)

But wait… bendy wimmins with pie… no, no reshuffling of the Special Friend list. Not even for pie.

Yeah Jetgirl, that’s just what I need. More Pain in my life. Thanks for the thought though. That was nice of you.

Peter F. Drucker lieu? Check. I’ll have to check out the library for him. BUt when did he have time to write? Did he retire from the grocery in Hooterville?

[sub]Don’t sweat it Shibb, maybe we’ll get together some other time this summer.[/sub]

Hama, there’s no fee for the newsletter. Just send a couple of pix and we’ll see what we see. See?

Think “focus” welby.
-Rue.

Just wanted to be clear on one point, you don’t really want “bendy” pix of us male dopers do you? 'Cause it seems I’ve misplaced my tripod.

Just to be clear, bendy pictures of male Dopers, while it’s a nice thought, really aren’t what I’m going for here.

(But if you were REALLY bendy Shibb, would you need a tripod? I mean really?)
-Rue. (more liking the girls)

I think that perhaps I misplaced my tripod while I was being really bendy, and now I’m afraid to think where I may have misplaced it.

Happy Monday, Rue!

I would have to head out to my brother’s house to kidnap most of the books on your list. I’m sure he won’t mind, but he might try to sneak one of his kids into the box, so I have to be careful.

I’m sorry, Rue, would you feel better if I sent bendy-pics?

ShibbOleth, you are cracking me up!

I’ve only managed to read two items on the list - Where the Wild Things Are and Good Omens. Crap. I mean, I read a lot and stuff, but I guess I’m not reading the right stuff. Well, shoot. And here I am thinking I’m doing well reading all sorts of health books and legal thrillers.

Well, maybe I’ll do better with the music list.

Eh, well…I’ve at least heard of many of them, but I don’t know that I really own to many of them.

Got any Cowboy Junkies, Dixie Chicks or U2 in there, Rue?

I’ve got some Cowboy Junkies upstairs scout. They didn’t make the list for some reason I can’t explain right now, but I’m sure there was a good reason.

No Dixie Chicks or U2 though.

And you can’t read wrong stuff. The important thing is you read. Reading is fundamental you know.

First Lady Mrs. Bush was chatting with Elmo during a break between the shows on PBS this morning, and she said she always read to her girls when they were growing up. Hmm… maybe you CAN read the wrong stuff after all. But I have faith in your choices scout.

Bendy-pics are the salve that soothes many of life’s ills Jetgirl. That’s what I always say anyway.

I know you’ll be careful Mia. You always are. Sure you are. (And your brother obviously has refined book taste. I can just tell.)
-Rue.

Hey, aren’t all pictures pretty bendy? I mean, unless they’re in a frame, or maybe have that cardboard backing, all my pictures are bendy.

Well, I’ve read two things on the list. And I’ve heard of almost every single band/artist on the music list. (I’ve even seen quite a few of them in concert.) That’s gotta count for something. Maybe I should quit going to concerts and start reading books. Nah, then I’d have to relinquish my music junkie ID.

:smiley: Happy 2nd Birthday, Rue!

Well. I’ve read most of the books list. I know practically nothing on the music list. I think I’ll settle for just being me. I’m pretty bendy for a fat guy.

Good Lord, I can’t believe you know that band. I know two of the guys in it. I lived with one (in the same building, anyway) last year. They’re huge here.