Back a long time ago, when Mrs. Snac and I were about 20 and mere babes in the woods and she was not yet Mrs. Snac, she wrote me a very kind and carefully worded note which said something like…
“I love being with you, and I wouldn’t trade our lovemaking for anything. Sex with you is natural and blessed. I know we’re both new at it, and we’re both still learning…One thing I wonder about is that when I come with you, the feeling isn’t all that strong; I’m sure I’m nervous, and it’s different from being by myself. It’s not a major problem, but I wanted to talk to you about it sometime when you have a chance…”
Well, of COURSE the letter made me anxious, and of COURSE it scared me, and of COURSE I began catastrophizing all manner of horrible scenarios (she doesn’t really love me…she’s laughing at me behind my back…she’s calling me a wimp in bed), but in the long run it was the best thing she could have done. It got the subject in the open, it ultimately saved possible hostility down the road, and also she wasn’t getting me off in the way I liked best, either, but I hadn’t been brave enough to say so…And for us, it was definitely easier to get the subject started via writing than in talk, though YMMV.
Anyway, we talked, we got a sex book to share, it said to masturbate for each other, which we did, and it taught both of us a ton…and here we are, happily married twenty years later…which may not be your goal, but even so our experience may point a way for you to go. Good luck.
I say, continue to explore your own body…if you find the “right” place that sets those brain juices, mind swapping, pleasure centers going…you have the recipe for you and your current mate and any potential mate you encounter in the future for incredibly awesome sex.
I was 25 when I found the right place, actually two in combination. I had my first full blown orgasm after years of blah with men. Although not particularly emotionally satisfying I did find that I was able to help my next lover bring me to that brink…and my GOD is it intense so much better than solo. Probably one of the most pleasurable experiences I ever experienced in my life. < remembering the first full blown orgasm with a man… >
Anyhow, don’t be shy with your own self, even if you state you aren’t, find the right place(s) and the right way to stimulate and you will be in sexual ecstasy. It’s there and you can find it. In the meantime, if you love this guy, do some experimentation. I found I would come close to it in certain positions before I found those spots that hits me beyond.
While I’m a staunch believer in honesty I’m not sure you should tell the boy yet. Let’s walk it through - you tell him you have trouble orgasming: he thinks it’s him. At the very least, he’ll ask what he can do to get you there - men DO like to get women off (part love, part ego). At the moment you’re not in a position to answer the question, so the only thing you’ll acheive is to make him insecure.
If he was older with considerably more experience - and very self-assure - I’d talk to him honestly. But referring tohim as the boy doesn’t inspire with confidence on that front.
As for what I think your next step should be, well Francesca covered it and even recommended the same author I was going to. Nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden is a GREAT start, as are her follow-up books. Take the time to expore yourself. The mind is the only true barrier to Orgasm City (take it from someone who knows from the other side of the fence).
Masturbation is the key here. Yes, I know we’re harping - but if you can’t be comfortable enough to do it with yourself then what hope have you got with someone else? It’s a two-way street at the end of day.
Should you tell him? Yes.
Just not till you can answer the question he’s sure to ask next.
When you tell your boy that you’ve never had an orgasm with him, please share that you’ve never had one at all.
(If you can’t get yourself off, is it realistic to expect him to be able to?)
Men do love a challenge…
You could fake it. As a guy, I once faked it just to see what would happen & she couldn’t tell. Boy, doing that I could make a woman think we did it ten times. I did tell her later though.
I don’t think you do anyone any favors by not telling. Explaining it properly should both lower the pressure on him while at the same time providing maximum motivation for inovation.
To think about it another way: is it going to be easier or harder to explain a year from now?