This is becoming a theme.
Last night we had sex after not having it for three weeks. I took his hand and was leading him up the stairs and he said, “I have to go fix my coffee for tomorrow.” I dropped his hand, sat on the stairs and told him that I give up, that I’m not going to try to start anything anymore. It never leads anywhere and just makes me feel crappy. And then he acted like he was crying and I felt bad. And then he started kissing me and wouldn’t let me go away when I tried.
Yeah, this is my love life. Hot stuff, huh.
Not that it wasn’t good. It was really good, except of course unfulfilling to me (the way it almost always is). I haven’t had an orgasm with him since late May, and it’s September now. That’s a long time. And he doesn’t care.
I’ve talked to him about it. I have told him that I will almost instantly have an orgasm from oral gratification or vibrating toys. He hasn’t given me oral for a very long time, and the toys have been lost. Or, at least, he has put them somewhere and I haven’t had the courage to ask him where. I had to screw up my courage to get them ordered to begin with, and now I must screw up my courage to ask where the damned things are.
It’s very difficult to admit that I have needs, somehow especially difficult with my husband. I grew up in a household where my parents hardly ever kissed; where the sex talk lasted a bare fifteen minutes over the course of my whole life: “The sperm fertilizes the egg and you have a baby. Don’t have sex.” It’s hard for me to even say the word orgasm. I misspelled it a couple of times, to begin with, because the word looks so foreign to me.
So I’m telling all of you. Why? Well, EVERYONE on this forum tends to spill their guts out, confess secrets of the sort that would make Alice Cooper screech like a little girl. And I know what y’all are going to say—that I need to buy myself an 18” double-headed ice-blue jelly dong and cream myself into a quivering heap.
Thing is, I’d love to do it with my husband. I’ve told him how to do it. I’ve told him that I needed to have it. He ignores me 20 days out of 21, and the one day we do have sex he doesn’t try to give me an orgasm at all. I’m more of a once-a-day person—both the sex and the orgasms. Four months is a bit long to wait.
So anyhow. I know there’s no magic answer for this. I’m telling it to everyone because I needed to tell someone, and I’d rather not tell anyone I usually confide in. So if anyone wants to share in the misery and feel all sorry for yourself, please join in the thread.