Of course, even though I warned ya’ll it was TMI, with a title like that you just couldn’t resist, could you?
You know, I can’t believe I’m asking this on an internet message board…It’s very, very difficult for me to orgasm. Orgasms have occured on occasion, but not with anyone else and only very rarely. Clitoral stimulation does very little for me.
Don’t get me wrong, sex is still very pleasurable. But I would like that release. I don’t think it’s a case of not relaxing, although I guess it could be- I’m not really too incredibly new to sex, though.
Any suggestions? I’m a straight female, by the way.
I have this same issue. I rarely orgasm with a partner. I get very close, but it tapers back down again. The only time I’ve been able to orgasm with a partner is through oral sex, and even that isn’t consistant. I discussed this with a doctor a few years ago, and she suggested I get a vibrator. I have to say that definately helped. I have less trouble orgasming solo, and when I was in a comfortable relationship, if I used it during sex with a partner I was able to come. However, as it was starting to get better for me, I broke up with said partner. I’m not in a relationship now, and the sex that I do have is fairly inconsistant and extremely casual. I think coming with a partner for women who have difficulty orgasming is largely a case of learning what works for you and repitition. That being said, there are things you can get that will enhance your sex drive or ability to orgasm. I know some doctors will prescribe viagra for women, but I don’t know anything about it. For me, my doctor prescribe topical testosterone, which was put on the vulvar area daily. This increased my ability to orgasm hugely, but I discontinued use because I wasn’t in a relationship any more.
IANA female, but most girls that I know who have this same problem say it all boils down to their partners and their feelings for them (or lack thereof). I think you need to sit down and really think about you want out of sex (whether you enjoy the casual fling or wish for a deeper commitment). From what I know about girls my age, having trouble orgasming is mostly an issue of what she feels for a guy. A casual fling will lead to pleasure, but no orgasm. Alternately, a girl in a deeper, more committed relationship will allow herself to relax and let the guy know what she likes. You also can’t forget about the emotional factor; it plays a vital role in the experience that you have. I don’t know if you can relate to this or not, or whether I’ve made myself clear, but I think it’s all a matter of your feelings (unless there’s something wrong with you physiologically, of course). Those are just my 2 cents though.
Sorry,** flood**, but I have to disagree with most of your post.
I am a woman, and until I was about 28 years old, I could only orgasm on my own. It took me a long time to even get to that point. I had great, experienced, patient lovers, with whom I was in committed relationships, but still … no luck.
I don’t know how old **monica ** is, but if you’re young, don’t give up.
My only advice is try not to worry about it, enjoy the sensations, practice on your own (personally I have no success with vibrators, etc, but you may), read erotica (believe it or not, I heard a rumor that you can find such stories on the 'net!), whatever turns you on.
The chances of something being physiologically wrong with you are rare. There are books about “loving yourself” (euphemism for masturbating) that you also may want to look at.
It will happen. Once YOU know what your body wants, you will learn how the different stages of sensation, and you will be able to show your partner what pleases you the most. It shouldn’t be a goal, to me it has always been a bonus.
Try not to fret - that will just make it even tougher.
As a doctor who’s done some sex counselling in my career (basic stuff, not therapy), I’ve gotta agree with Rebekkah and Stainz, and disagree a bit with flood. While trust is important, being comfortable with your own body, and being willing to experiment and see what your body likes best, are among the best ways to improve orgasmic ability. This applies to both sexes, but is less often a problem for the guys, of course. Waiting for the ideal partner to make you orgasmic is a recipe for trouble.
A frank discussion and thorough pelvic exam with a competent and willing family doc or gyn is really the best place to start.
OTOH, giving that Hitachi wand a go probably won’t hurt anything, either!
QtM, MD
(not currently doing sex counselling in my present clinical setting, other than to say “The state has no interest in improving your erectile function while you are incarcerated. You won’t be getting any viagra. Lose weight, get your diabetes and blood pressure under control, and get that cholesterol down!”
This isn’t what I meant. I meant that the girls that I’ve encountered that had this problem said that it was simply because they weren’t enjoying themselves throughouly. They found the event pleasurable, yet they didn’t let themselves relax enough because they had other things on their mind (am I going to regret this, will he respect me, etc.). Once they felt comfortable enough with themselves and their partners, they were able to loosen up and experiment. I should’ve been more specific in my first post, though.
If I’m reading this correctly, you are able to orgasm by yourself, infrequently, but not by clitoral stimulation. Is this only clitoral stimulation by your partner, or by yourself? In other words, are you able to touch yourself to an orgasm via the clitoris, or is there some other mechanism (sorry to be so technical here!!) by which you come to climax?
I think the consensus of most women is that straight intercourse will rarely result in an orgasm for the female partner…because the vagina itself is relatively insensitive. It’s a muscle-mass designed to receive penises and deliver babies, and it can’t afford to be be a mass of nerve endings and pleasure-receptors.
And straight sex doesn’t tend to incorporate the clitoris as much as it should, due to the physiology of the partners and the act…alas. That’s where fingers and tongues and vibrators come in so very handy.
It’s got nothing to do with the partner. It’s just that dicks alone are woefully inadequate when it comes to bringing a woman to orgasm. They’re pretty nice all the same though.
No, no, no. Just the one word. Masturbation. Which of course might very well involve Hitachi Magic Wands…I’ve heard good things about them. (I’m a Pocket Rocket girl myself :)). But the point is not the object, it’s the experimentation. If direct clitoral stimulation doesn’t seem to do it, there’s penetrative vibrators…g-spot stimulators…and of course the many errogenous zones that are not directly part of your genitalia. The more you learn about your own body and what it responds to the easier it gets to have orgasms with other people.
I don’t want to scare anyone, but I used to orgasm at the mere sight of a studly guy. (No, really!). Oral, clitoral, vaginal, didn’t matter. I was a constant orgasm for the entire time we were having sex. Until I got my first vibrator. Now, two years later, I cannot orgasm with any man. It really sucks. I just love my vibrator lots for orgasms, but it’s like the touch of a man isn’t “right” anymore. There’s that incredible build-up, but no release. So I have sex for other reasons, and know that I’ll have an orgasm later by myself. (Right now, my only lover’s my husband, and he thinks “toys” are creepy. )
WhyNot, I’ve heard that, but it’s also used in a negative way, so I’d be careful with that. Lots of guys claim they don’t want their women to use toys because then they won’t orgasm with them any more.
Well, saying more than I usually would in this sort of thread, I never orgasmed with a guy until I started using the Hitachi Magic Wand. It taught me to relax, open up, and find out what I liked. It also dropped some barriers I had put up without knowing it.
Just because idiots say something doesn’t mean it’s never true. For me, it *is *true. I’d urge women having trouble orgasming to try masturbation without artificial stimulation first. Use your fingers, your fist, your wrist, whatever. Maybe a non-vibrating dildo. These are all techniques that are easier to replicate and teach a male partner - at least if he isn’t into buzzing objects.
WhyNot, I have a problem with your husband not letting you use toys because he thinks they’re creepy. Does he know you’re not orgasming during sex? And he expects you to just-what, deal with it?
I get disgusted when I hear how many women haven’t orgasmed at the hands of a partner. So I always push, push, push for toys, or any help possible. I am curious, though, what your husband does to rectify your situation.
I never said he wouldn’t let me use toys. I said he found them creepy. I think you conclusion-jumped a bit there.
I used to orgasm with him quite readily. Honestly, I’m the sexual aggressor in the relationship, and continue to be so, determined that THIS TIME I WILL COME! Only I don’t. He tries and tries and tries and two hours later I tell him to knock it off, it’s starting to tickle.
I was all set to request we bring my little pocket friend into the game, but then it broke. And I was . Then, to further complicate matters, I got put on a “no sex” rule by my midwife.
What will I do when she says I can have sex again? I’m not sure. Because I’m not one of those who never orgasmed, I’m pretty damn determined to regain the power au naturel. He’s never “not let me” use a vibrator in bed (I wouldn’t hold with that sort of nonsense!) It’s that I know he finds them creepy, and so am sensitive of his sensibilities the same way I expect him to be sensitive of mine (I wouldn’t be thrilled if he brought a goat into our bed, now would I?) PLUS I’m determined to regain Orgasm Power without it. The vibrator, that is. Well, also the goat.
Orgasm Power huh? Now that’s a superpower I wouldn’t mind having. Just one wave of a magic wand (Hitachi of course ) and they’d get that look on their face. That would be awesome.
But seriously, I’ve never had problem orgasming, I’ve done it at times just by thinking about a particular good night before. Most of the time, it doesn’t come quite as easily.
I recommend trying any and every thing that increases your sexual pleasure. Toys, porn, lingerie, fantasy are all good. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Although I can get off alone with toys, they are much much better incorporated into sexual activity as a couple.
I have never had a better orgasm than when hubbie is stimulating all three hot spots at once. Oral + finger or toy in vagina + finger or [sub]small[/sub] toy anal = Woo Boy!
But don’t take my word for it. Do some experimenting as a couple and with whatever toys YOU find pleasurable and don’t forget the lube. It’s just sex.
I had problems orgasming (and even getting aroused in the first place) with my last (before current) bf. I *definitely *found that it got worse over time because I got totally stressed about it. I was afraid I wasn’t going to come so I didn’t. In the end, on my own, post-bf, I made myself relax and get back to where I enjoyed stimulation without thinking about the orgasm. Once I was able to stop focusing so much on that being the goal, it became easier to enjoy the feelings and then let them build on their own into an orgasm. Forcing it is just a bad idea. Or was for me.
This is just my experience, I don’t know if it’ll work for you. But good luck!
)
]