Where do I get a manual for this?
Forgive me SwimmingRiddles, for I have sinned. I am a saint no longer.
I feel horrible.
I was out of town on business last week in a town near that of a friend I have known for 15 years. He drove up to see me while I was there. We’ve also had sexual relations for the past 10 years (we see one another about once a year - we live over 2,000 miles away from each other).
This time, after not seeing him for a year and a half, the spark had dimmed considerably. I warmed up to him again after being with him for a few hours. We went out and visited some other people, saw a few sights. We went back to his hotel room. We had sex. It was boring, dull, and uneventful for me.
He has a problem: he is a premature ejaculator. This is something that can be dealt with, and is not usually a disappointment. This time it was a disappointment. He then expected me to work to get him erect again, which I wouldn’t have minded too much if he hadn’t completely ignored my needs and then kept apologizing for the PE and stating that he would make it up to me. As soon as he got hard, he started humping me again. By this time I was totally turned off. I faked an orgasm because the friction in my turned-off body was rather painful and I just wanted him to get off of me. I would have just told him to get off, but he’s really sensitive about the PE thing and his sexual performance. I was afraid he’d cry. (He has cried before, the first time it happened with me.)
He kept going - even after the faked O and after he asked me if I came (and I lied - I feel so terrible) - and finally stopped when he came again.
Score: Him 2
We saw each other again the next night. Went out to dinner, had a nice walk, etc. etc. I had a great time. I really enjoy his company. We went back to our hotel. We went to his room, as it was still early. We actually had some foreplay. I got excited, and thought that it would be better; maybe last night was just a bad night.
I was wrong. It was a repeat of the previous night, though he did briefly attempt cunnilingus before he penetrated me. The PE happened again and he did not feel that he needed try it again after the PE (god forbid, I might have an O, and besides, he was too busy trying to firm up his pecker so he could have another O). I had my O by my own manual manipulation, which upset him. And he still kept humping away (very uncomfortable and I found out later that I even bled a little - never had that problem before). When he tried to change positions, I took that as my escape cue.
How do you tell someone with low sexual self-esteem, that he sucks in bed? Is there any nice way to say it? I’ve tried the “touch me this way” tactic, but he resents my input.
And he keeps sending me sexually suggestive responses when I am trying to carry on a normal conversation with him (via email). I have ignored it so far. It’s just not funny at this point. In fact, it makes me feel rather cheap and used.
We have been good friends for 15 years now. I don’t ever want to have sex with him again. How do I turn him down gracefully the next time I see him? (I will be probably see him later this month.) He is so sensitive about his sexual inadequacies, I don’t know how to broach the subject without him getting his feelings hurt.
Has he just been stringing me along all these years for a fuck? Not that I want to marry him or anything, but I do enjoy his company outside of the bedroom. Though I don’t miss him, and I’m not terribly anxious to see him again anytime soon.
I’m not sure how to handle this tactfully, and I don’t want to avoid him when he’s here visiting. I want to be honest with him, but don’t want to end things on a bad note.