(doing my amazingly accurate vulgar loudmouth impression)
Yeah, h_thur, don’t beat around the bush…you already know that upsets him. <rimshot>
(note to the easily irritated…this post is irony-enhanced)
I recommend a strict regimen of reading Cheffie’s Steamy Mash Notes® while he’s in the bathroom trimming his nose hairs. You know, just to warm up. hearty grin
Thanks Chef Troy.
Ahh those steamy love letters…
And as a newly born again virgin (courtesy of Sax Face), I will be doing more beating around the bush now. 
One wonders if the person is going to remember all we say in a year when she meets this guy again…
I faked it several times with another guy (I should have learned my lesson the second time… Ifigured the first time was just bad). He closed his eyes and I spit on his belly so he thought I came. It was a big old hocker too. I didn’t regret it but it seemed like the only way he would stop. I dated him for about a month and he was the absolute worst in bed. ICK! I feel dirty just being with him. He turned out to be a total slimeball anyway so I didn’t feel guilty about it.
Now, I believe that faking an orgasm is good enough to get the guys to finish whatever they are doing but only if you don’t plan on doing/seeing them again. If you do, then they are obviously worth something in your eyes and you owe it to yourself and them to be honest. If you lie then he will continue what he is doing. If I were you and was planning on seeing him again, I would take the dominatrix route and tell him he can’t penetrate you until he sucks on you, gets spanked, whatever turns you on until you are willing to get fu**ed and think you will orgasm in his particularly quick time.
HUGS!
Sqrl
Hmm… well that certainly explains one thing that’s always puzzled me: why many guys think that one-night stands are the best sex and that it ‘brings out their best’ when my experience was always exactly the opposite.
I’d racked it up to performance anxiety on their part (which presumably was diminished with a stranger), now I wonder if it isn’t a case. “Oh you da man, you da man – gosh, I’m so wiped out by your raging prowess that… look, I have work in the morning, and I want to write this up for Penthouse first, so you better get going. Nice knowing ya!”
Every one night stand is a partner who didn’t want a rematch.
Thank you Sqrl for a super twist! Though, I really don’t want to have sex with him again, even if I am totally in the driver’s seat, I will use that the next time I have a bad sexual encounter after Mistress h_thur, Born Again Virgin, drops her celibacy cloak. I do hope that there are no more bad sexual encounters.
I do have a whip and a cat o’ nine tails somewhere…
Hmm… well that certainly explains one thing that’s always puzzled me: why many guys think that one-night stands are the best sex and that it ‘brings out their best’ when my experience was always exactly the opposite.
I’d racked it up to performance anxiety on their part (which presumably was diminished with a stranger), now I wonder if it isn’t a case of “Oh you da man, you da man – gosh, I’m so wiped out by your raging prowess that… look, I have work in the morning, and I want to write this up for Penthouse first, so you better get going. Nice knowing ya!”
Every one night stand is a partner who didn’t want a rematch.
Hmm, somebody pulled a Cleveland: two, but not in a row. 
From what I hear on the radio there are any number of medications that can help with this kind of physical problem; not to mention condoms that reduce the amount of sensation that the man feels to keep them from ejaculating too soon.
I, too, have had a sexual partner with this problem, and he always feels so embarrassed when he goes off and I’m not even close. In my case, I cared for the man a great deal and ‘getting off’ was not as important to me as just being with him. In fact, it bothered him a great deal more than it did me. And I hurt for him. Since men seem to equate so much of their ego with their sexual prowess, this is a touchy area to tread on.
My man never minded when I helped him get me there; whether it was after he had finished or before he got started. In fact, it usually turned him on…a lot.
If your satisfaction means anything to him at all, then why don’t you suggest that he ‘help’ you get off before he climbs on top and humps away. Believe me, you will be ‘ready’ for him, and, at least in my case…it feels great; and it’s a great way to satisfy everyone.
learae
BTW- What is the time limit for premature ejaculation? I don’t really know. Is it seconds? A minute? Three? Five? What? Do you ladies have a clear time in your head when it is OK for the guy to come? Just curious.
As for h_thur, well darlin’, you just gotta be honest. And being 2000 miles away might help. Being up front with him the next time you see him is going to make it more painful for both of you. I would suggest using the phone though. Then you can have a talk about it. Then make sure you call again, just to be sure he took it the right way- important.
As for faking it- I won’t be so chauvanistic as to say you shouldn’t. I mean, hey, if its late, you’re tired, you have a lot on your mind because of work, etc, etc, do you REALLY want to have a conversation about this? If you are too whatever to come, then I think you are too whatever to carry on a meaningful conversation about wants and needs. Groan, smile, roll over and sleep. Deal with it later.
If you want to take care of the problem in general though, some guys will respond better to logic, try this: “John, have you ever heard about how 60% to 70% of woman can’t have an orgasm through intercourse alone? Yeah? Well guess what? I’m statistically average on this one. Really. It’s not you, it’s her (pointing down). She needs a little special attention, so, if you do this (something) while I do this (something else) then I’m going to come, and THEN we’ll see what more we can do for you. Deal?” And if he strays, or tries to get too creative, then calmly remind him to do (something) until you want him to do (something else). Yes, it works! Dealt with in the right way, it can be sexy, funny, and calming- with no hurt feelings or strained ego’s.
My only other suggestion is if the guy is a little aggresive or pushy or thrusting his hips a bit, then a little taste (pun intended) can help. I little hand or mouth work for a short time lets the guy know A) you are not afraid/hesistant/shy/cautious/??? to touch Mr. Happy & B) that he IS going to get some tonight. Most guys will calm right down after a minute or so (or less even) of attention, THEN you can make your demands “Me first, then we’ll finish you.” and he’ll go along happily. Sometimes that testosterone build-up clogs our brains, but a little lovin’ attention makes us calm down a few degrees. Strange, but true.
The only problem with this logic is if the guy is having severe timing problems…which then leads back to the original question/concern…hhmmmm…I sorta talked myself into a circle, eh? Oh well, I tried!
Truthfully this was a hard thing to learn for me with my wife- my previous girlfriend to her came at the drop of a hat (ANY hat) and my wife takes a lot of work. It was a hard switch from easy licks to long-time loving techniques. And yes, it was dealt with slowly; I had to TOTALLY change my repertoire as it were. I guess this adds to the point of what guys learn from lover to lover. Sometimes we pick things up that we think work well, but for you they don’t, and it is hard to just stop using that ‘secret move’ that worked so well in the past. Help us help you! We can learn, and practice does make perfect. And what fun training it can be!
Holy shit! I thought that was just the answer to a bad joke! Go figure…
Yer pal,
Satan
I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
One month, three days, 12 hours, 25 minutes and 23 seconds.
1340 cigarettes not smoked, saving $167.59.
Life saved: 4 days, 15 hours, 40 minutes.
I think of PE as less than 15 strokes (or under 3 minutes - which ever comes first). I read the clinical definition a long time ago, but I can’t remember exactly what the time limit was. Sometimes he doesn’t even make 5 strokes. (sigh)
Tomcat, you do have some really good suggestions, though I’m just not interested in having sex with him anymore. If I ever decide to have sex with him again, I’ll try your suggestion. I have changed a lot over the past year and a half. My sexual needs have changed as well. And I just didn’t find myself as attracted to him anymore.
learae - years ago when this problem first appreared, I did love him so much that being with him was primary, and having an orgasm was secondary. The PE didn’t bother me that much. I felt so sorry for him every time it happened. Over the years the PE has bothered him so much that he now has very little (if any) self-esteem. Every year it gets worse. I don’t think sex should be a pity party. Yes, I hate that it happens to him. Yes, I hate that he feels inadequate and like less of a man (his words, not mine). Yes, I hate it that it makes me feel bad too.
Three or four years after I experienced his PE first hand, I had the most amazing sex with another man. It was like a whole new world. I had never had such fantastic sex. We even climaxed at the same time (I know that doesn’t happen to everyone, but I do know that it can happen to me). The next time I saw my friend I tried to guide him, show him what I wanted. He didn’t understand. I tried to guide his hand, and he was insulted. He was usually too rough. He didn’t understand the word gentle. He never seemed to want to please me first, anyway. He usually made a feeble attempt at foreplay, then he wanted to “get [the PE] out of the way first”, it would “only take a minute”.
He would come, then get hard again, and then try again. Sometimes he would get the rhythm & stroke down just right. I would tell him that I liked it like that, to not stop. He would then change rhythm and his stroke and I would lose that good sensation that would have lead to orgasm. 
Ladies, you all know how frustrating that is.
When we were younger he took his time. He was patient and gentle. Sex was wonderful the first three years. I don’t think I can train him to be a good lover. Sadly, it’s just not worth my time and energy anymore.
learae, I think it’s wonderful that your man takes the time to attend to your needs first. I wish that my friend had continued to be as patient and receptive.
Or, you know, you could NOT have sex, rather than deceive your lover. Or give him oral sex if he really just needs to get off. Lying is not the answer. I bet there are tons of men who would rather their lovers tell them if they didn’t want to have sex, rather than having them put on some theatrics while all the time wondering when the hell he’s going to finish so she can go to sleep. It’s called honesty and communication, and if the relationship is good, you’ll want to have that over a 15-minute bang with a faked orgasm for propriety’s sake any day.
Feigning ingnorance in a situation like h_thur’s is is just as intellectually dishonest as outright lying.
Correct, even established lovers can’t assume on future sex. Nor can they pretend they have no history. He will say the words or give the signs that say, “I’m ready for another round”. A response of obliviousness is inappropriate and pointless, as he sounds like the kind of guy who will just get more insistent until he forces you into either the truth or another lie.
Although I found this thread interesting, why did you decide to reincarnate a two year old thread, yojimboguy?
Excellent question, and the answer is, “I f**ked up”. I did a search for premature ejaculation, over which I started an ill-thought out thread. Somehow, in switching between web pages, I read this as a current page, and responded.
I miss them.
Singledad, Drainbead, and my pal Satan.
So many names on this thread I dont see anymore.
feeling melancholy,
Kelli
What the hell ever happened to Drain Bead /Libby anyway?