No time like the present...

She is not living with the other guy. She is living in the house we bought together six and a half months ago, just before she realized she wanted another man in her life.

Ain’t that a kick right in the teeth. Sorry for your situation.

I’m sorry that she threw you over for another man. :frowning: I think they should rework the traditional wedding vows to include, “In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, despite the presence of other sexy people on this earth, until death do you part” and maybe that way some people will take them more seriously.

I just listened to that Wait, Wait show–out of Pasadena, right? :eek: thank god it was a good show… I could go for a Merlot slushie–we could split it.

Whether or not your soon to be ex wife was as great as you have said she is, the point is that she is no longer being that person. I can’t think of a nastier thing to do than what she did (ok, I can, but that’s not the point). The health insurance AND the house both tell me that she is looking out for #1 and will use your strong feelings for her (and you decency) to HER benefit. Don’t allow her to do so.
I am glad to see you getting angry. You need to–you need to look out for Asimovian now. She’s made her decisions and must live with the consequences. She may well be surprised when you stop accommodating her and her needs. I hope it’s a nasty shock to her system.

Yep…that’s the one. And I would split that with you any day of the week. :slight_smile:

Just to be clear and fair, although she screwed me over in the sense that she figured out she needed to sleep with other people right after we bought a house together, the fact that she stayed in the house and I didn’t was a mutual decision. Whichever of us was to stay in the house would have had to have a roommate in order to help supplement the mortgage expense, and I was adamantly opposed to having a roommate. In addition, the house is about 35 miles from my job and about 8 from hers. So for me, moving out gave me the opportunity to live extremely close to work, rather than continuing the $200/month expense of paying for commuter rail. And finally, the house represents a giant lie to me, so why would I have any desire to be stuck in it?

Again, this is not me trying to defend her. But if I can’t be fair to her when it’s called for, then I can’t trust myself to be rational. I’ve got plenty of real things to be angry about, trust me.

That being said, yes, she began looking out for herself without regard to me a while back. She would claim otherwise, of course. She’s done lots of little things for me that were nice and kind, but when it came to the difficult choice of dealing with me and our relationship with some respect, she chose what was beneficial to her personally. The half-truths and outright lies to protect herself, and the excuses when she got caught in those lies, her unwillingness to stay out of contact with her beau while we were trying to work things out between us, her unwillingness to stay away from her beau while I was still trying to move out of the fucking house, and the little ways in which she’d made it clear how quickly I’d been demoted and replaced. All of those things and more made it clear that no one was going to stand in the way of her getting what she now knew she wanted.

But if you asked her right now, she would tell you with a straight face that she did nothing wrong in that regard, and how DARE anyone suggest she was disrespectful. In fact, she actually said this to me: “How can I have been disrespectful to our relationship when there was no relationship left?” I tried to point out that we supposedly still had a friendship even when we decided the marriage was over, but she just shook her head. Wouldn’t and couldn’t acknowledge that she’d done wrong. She said to me early on in the troubled times that she couldn’t live with herself if she thought she was that kind of person, and I’ve come to realize that she meant that quite literally. She cannot accept that concept, so she’s shaped her version of reality in such a way that it keeps her from viewing herself in that light. A very powerful defense mechanism deployed at great expense to, and without regard for, me.

And she wonders why I blame her for destroying any possibility of us being friends in the future.

We’ve had many private discussions on this topic. The title of this thread is really all you needed to say friend.

Love ya bro. Nytewatchyr and I both.