Can I just say this is my favorite thing this week?
And, dropzone, how old are these girls? Because, frankly, pretty much everyone’s stupid in their first years of relationshipping. You make mistakes, you learn, and you try to do better next time.
Case one sounds like a fairly normal early-life breakup. When you live with someone, there really is no good way to break up with them, and most of the straightforward ways are incredibly awkward. The coward’s breakup isn’t particularly honorable, but it does have some advantages. You can both pretend you tried and it didn’t work out, rather than having one of you feel dumped. In any case, I doubt your daughter has many illusions about what is going on, and it will resolve fairly quickly and hopefully with minimal fuss.
Case two is also surprisingly common. A lot of women get offers like this, and some percent think they can handle it and come out ahead. Some do, some don’t. In the end, it will probably just be a wacky thing she did when she was young. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
I strongly advise young women to stay out of “committed” relationships until they actually want the real commitment, but nobody ever listens to me =D.
No, they’re just in grip of powerful biological drives that short circuit their reason.
Damn you, biological drives that strip us of our free will! I beg you, don’t force me to bang my wife’s sister and the young receptionist where I work!
It could be Daughter Two is into polyamorous relationships, or is just trying one for awhile, and doesn’t want to shatter your illusions of daddy’s little girl with this truth. If she’s happy, and getting a college education out of it, I’m failing to see the tragedy in this.
And, like others, agree with Maastricht’s take on Daughter One.
Agreed. If I had a daughter and the choice was either
- wedding bells at 21, followed by a crisis at 25, resolved and followed by a baby at 26, and a painful divorce at 29,
or
- a real life try out period untill she was 25. Said period might involve a string of roommates with or without benefits, some “it’s complicated”-relationships, or shacking up relationships where the break up involves nothing more permanent then rent leases, a pet and some shared IKEA furniture.
Well, I’d choose Door Number Two for for my daughter any time.
Relationships are hard, and hard things take practice and self-discovery and finding out what cultural memes do apply. Weddings and the values that go with them do inspire more effort and stamina to make the relationship work in both partners, but that often isn’t enough.
Two dogs for three cats? She got the best of that deal. Cats are much easier to cook, they fit in the oven.
You can’t blame the gravity of the situation on gravity.
ETA: Morgenstern, that’s disgustingly accurate.
Yes. Because he did something wrong. Not fighting him is saying that what he did is acceptable. That’s what being a doormat is. It doesn’t matter that this is easier for her. That’s selfish thinking. The point is that there should be consequences for him leading her on and going behind her back. You don’t do that. She is being a doormat by letting him get away with it.
I really don’t understand people whose only thoughts about life are “Does it make it easier for me?” Doing the right thing is sometimes hard. But it’s called the right thing for a reason. I could get into why you do this, based on utilitarian ethics, but I know that I’ll just get made fun of, once again, even though I’m agreeing with everyone before your post.
But the point is that there is a reason why our first instinct is to think that she did something wrong. She did. She’s letting a jerk get away with being a jerk.
As for the booty call thing, the point is that he’s lying to her, assuming what she’s telling dad is not a lie. He’s doing exactly that thing we think “nice guys” are disgusting for doing: he’s being nice to her to try to get sexual favors. Again, that makes him a douchebag.
A coworker’s daughter turned down a full scholarship to a GOOD local school, and joined the Marines in order to be close to her boyfriend, a Marine wannabe. He didn’t finish Marine training, and is now gone as far as my coworker knows. She’ll do fine in the Marines, but turning down a full scholarship?
BigT knows a lot about romantic relationships.
Ok, for serious though.
There’s a lot you don’t understand, but this is something I can maybe fix. Everyone does nice things to people they are attracted to, hoping it will result in sex. The issue with Nice Guys is they think they deserve sex because they were nice, and resent a woman for not doling it out, like a vending machine that drops pussy for Nice Points.
This is why it helps to actually interest with people, rather than just read about human interaction on a computer screen.
I see your point, and it is an interesting debate in itself. Some personality types are more into revenge, and the punishing part of justice, then other personality types. As you guessed, I’m more of the utilitarian kind of ethics.
Oldest will probably walk away from Ex thinking: “Huh. That was kind of a weaselly move, and not Ex’ finest hour”. She will feel insulted, and she will withdraw from him. She will probably say something like that to her Ex, to her friends, and to her and Ex’s mutual friends. Some will think less of Ex for it. Some will accept Ex’ version of things. New people in Ex’s life will accept Ex’ side of the story. And that is about it. Social punishment does not go much further. And it shouldn’t go any further, IMHO.
I mean, have you ever seen someone bent on punishing someone? Such people are usually called “psycho” and are told to get a grip and let it go.
Let me put it another way, Big T. What would you have Oldest do? How should she punish Ex? How should she make sure he feels the consequences of his actions?
After a couple years together, and him having fallen out of love with her, I don’t think her booty is all that important to him. I think it is more likely, at this point, that he is nice to her to avoid ugly scenes. Which still is a selfish reason, but if we start berating people who lie to avoid unpleasantness all around, in relationships that aren’t going anywhere anyway, …well, who has the time?
Thing One, you wife could all read some on polyamory.
People do it, it works for some. Often it works when all parties involved discuss the situation and state expectations, rules, guidelines. There are as many ways of doing it as there are people doing it. In general honesty and good communication are needed.
The Ethical Slut is a good first read for most people.
My take on it is that Thing One is in a polyamorous relationship. You’d be surprised at how common they are.
As for Thing Two, I’m not so sure that her STBXB is leaving her for another woman. It sounds like he’s got a BOYFRIEND on the side. JMHO of course.
See, this is why I never told my parents anything about what I did between 18 and 30. I did the whole checklist of stupid relationship shit in my 20’s, with the exception of marrying any of the try-on’s or having their babies. Got married, told my parents about that, and they think I’m the smart kid.
You are wise beyond your years. I’m almost 51. Last year I told my mother something I did when I was EIGHT. She’s still miffed about it. :eek:
She surely knows little of my early 20’s before my first marriage anyway…
That’s the most sad, disgusting, and disturbing thing I read so far this year.
Just because you’re a retard it doesn’t give you the right to insult the rest of us you horse fucking goat felcher.
I’ve found this is the trick to getting laid. It took me years of beating, then raping women and then shitting on their faces before I realized I could get a lot more tang if I were nice to them. So now I pretend to be nice.
Now wait a minute, don’t women hate nice guys because they’re actually rapists? Now I’m really confused.