"Nobody wants to go to your wedding!"

[muttrox]

@Kid_A

Italian, Greek, or any Eastern European wedding have an open bar (every wedding that I’ve been to has been like this); English/WASP/Canadian/whatever you want to call them, Chinese, or Jewish weddings have been a cash bar.

YMMV indeed! I’ve never been to a Jewish wedding without an open bar. And I’vew been to a lot. Why, that would be like admitting you’re poor!

The only weddings I’ve been to with cash bars have been non-upper class WASP.

[Leaffan]

@legalsnugs

Not to put too fine a point on this discussion that has probably gone on too long (because those who want a cash bar will have a cash bar no matter what anyone else says), but you’ve completely missed the point. Cash bars are terrible because they turn honored guests into paying customers.

Have an event, any event - a wedding reception, a dinner party, game night - and serve whatever you want to serve, but, for Pete’s Sweet Sake, don’t charge your guests for “extras.” Do you invite people to your house for dinner and offer them beer but tell them, “We have hard liquor on hand, but you can’t have it unless you pay $8 a pop for it.”? What if you made chicken for dinner but the guests wanted steak? Do you say, “the steak table is over there, but it’ll cost you $20”? Of course not. (I hope!)

Same with a wedding reception. You, the host, get to provide the refreshments for your guests. Whatever you offer - pink lemonade, beer, sodas, Koolaid, Brandy Alexanders, Thunderbird, water, whatever (it’s your choice because you are the host) – is the fare they get because they are the guests. You’re not running a restaurant, and guests do not get to put in an order. They have the option of partaking in the refreshments offered or not. Polite guests accept what is offered, without complaint, and thank the host for it.

Enough?

Of course we should also be arranging for limousine transportation so they don’t have to drive. Perhaps picking up the dry cleaning bills the next day too. Oh, and if they’re from out of town the hotel bills. :rolleyes:

Sorry, but even for about 100 guests the additional cost at my wedding, which my wife and I paid for, would have been something like $3,000 - $4,000.

It’s customary to provide wine with dinner. After that, if you want to have a few drinks, you’re on your own.

[AuntiePam]

Leaffan, I think legalsnugs’ point isn’t that you’re required to provide those things, but that if they’re offered, you don’t ask your guests to pay for them.

If you can’t afford a full bar at your reception, don’t offer one.

[A2Steve]

@legalsnugs

Not to put too fine a point on this discussion that has probably gone on too long (because those who want a cash bar will have a cash bar no matter what anyone else says), but you’ve completely missed the point. Cash bars are terrible because they turn honored guests into paying customers.

How would this work for people (such as myself) who hold receptions in locations where there is already a bar but cannot or do not want to pay for a full open bar? We paid for good beer and the house wine, but not mixed drinks. I can’t imagine it would have been better received by guests if they were told by the bartenders that they couldn’t even purchase the obvious alcohol present.

[muttrox]

@AuntiePam

Leaffan, I think legalsnugs’ point isn’t that you’re required to provide those things, but that if they’re offered, you don’t ask your guests to pay for them.

Cash bars aren’t offered. You walk up and choose whether to buy a drink. Unless you have some other definition of cash bar I don’t know.

[Tamarin]

@Chimera

When I got married, it was in our living room, with her best friend presiding, with her daughter and my sister as witnesses and our only guests. Then we went to Baker’s Square for dinner. That was the way to do it.

This was my wedding, except it was in the dining room and the witnesses were my husband’s parents.

I have been a bridesmaid in 5 weddings and each one has been a pain in the ass. My husband had a giant wedding (including doves and a horse drawn carriage) for his first marriage. We both agreed that we didn’t want a real wedding no matter how much it scandalized his parents.

My best friend actually got ordained via the internet just to do our wedding and it wound up being a somewhat lucrative side business for her. She performs a couple of ceremonies a year.

[AuntiePam]

@muttrox

Cash bars aren’t offered. You walk up and choose whether to buy a drink. Unless you have some other definition of cash bar I don’t know.

Splitting hairs. IMHO you shouldn’t offer guests something that they have to pay for. (I get that guests aren’t required to use the cash bar.)

[DianaG]

@A2Steve

How would this work for people (such as myself) who hold receptions in locations where there is already a bar but cannot or do not want to pay for a full open bar?

If you can’t afford to offer your guests a full bar, you need to invite fewer guests.

If you’re having a dry wedding, that’s fine. I sure as hell would send my regrets and a nice gift, but whatever makes you happy.

And I guess really, it’s your wedding, so whatever. But don’t think for a second that expecting your guests to pay for their own drinks is anything other than tacky.