Actually, I can’t remember the last time I ever took an aspirin for anything. Ibuprofen, Advil, Tylenol, and Excedrin have overshadowed the lowly aspirin.
You’re either not middle-aged or you have no family history of people dropping dead in their tracks from coronaries. Either way, mazel tov.
I’m just happy to chew on some willow bark when I have a headache.
I know this is going to get me chased out of the thread by men with torches and pitch forks, but Flo from the Progressive Insurance is too stupid to live, she’s wasting my oxygen with every breath.
“Three vibrators ? Sweet ! That’ll keep her occupied while I boink her sister !” 
I’d have to wonder if there’s something preventing them from advertising it as heart medicine. What you describe sounds like a loop hole to allow them to advertise it as such, while not technically advertising it as such.
Possible, I guess.
Fine. I’ll take her and Erin Esurance and have the bitchiness threesome ever! 
My favorite example of this subspecies (emphasis on sub) was a woman in an air bed commercial who was supposedly trying to get an “old fashioned” folding bed out of a closet. Her gyrations immediately made me think of Bela Lugosi and the octopus in Bride of the Monster.
They advertise it for heart medicine all the time. Which I suppose made them lose in the pain/headache business so hey had to advertise that as well.
That stupid girl with that stupid look on her face while she’s wearing the glasses that automatically adjust for the sunlight. Also, the creepy non-blinking “doctor” who pimps for Restasis.
The twit at the bakery who argues with the sheriff-bear cake has got to be on the short list.
I nominate the woman that screams in terror at the picture of a spider on a cellphone, and the guy that proceeds to “kill” the spider by smashing the phone.
Once again, I am amazed by the provincial sex lives of heterosexuals.
Actually, I assumed the husband was not in that category, which was why he was relieved to be exempted from ever having to touch his wife again.
I recently saw Wile E. Coyote in what I think was a cell phone ad. CGI’d to the max! Anyway, no Rhodes scholar, he.
I’m heterosexual, and my guess would have been that the husband thought that he’d get to use at least one of the vibrators on himself, either during sex with his new bride or instead of it.
I want to bitch slap Flo. And generally I only hear her on the radio. I can’t stand that level of chirpiness. I’ve seen a couple of her commercials, though, and I gotta say that I was under the impression that you’re only supposed to use one Bump It at a time.
As for Snuggies, I find that if I wear my bathrobe backwards, it does a fine job of keeping me warm, including my arms. But then, I’ve also been able to cover myself up with a regular blanket and managed to use my arms. Or I wear a long sleeved fleece nightgown.
What gets me about this guy is that he doesn’t seem to know the difference between a granola bar and a candy bar. Has he never encountered a granola bar before?
Oh, and there’s “Jerry” with his car up a pole…again, who changed insurance companies, but calls his old agent because she answers the phone faster. What does he think she’s going to do for him?
That’s one of those commercials that doesn’t make sense. She knows the guy by name and says “is your car up a pole again?” That’s the kind of customer that an insurance company should be thrilled to be rid of.
There’s one for Quaker State motor oil (I think) that says something like “we have such confidence in our oil, if your car makes it to 250,000 miles we’ll write you a check for the value of your car.” That doesn’t make sense. They’re banking that the cars won’t last. If you have confidence in your oil, put your money where your mouth is. Offer me a money if my engine fails while using your oil.
The following conditions apply
[ol]
[li]The car must start out as brand new with 0 miles on it.[/li][li]You must reach 250,000 miles with no oil changes after purchasing the car.[/li][li]It must be a car. Not a truck, van, Jeep, SUV, or any other type of vehicle.[/li][/ol]