Nominations for Hell

There is a special place in Hell for people who remove pages from pay phone directories.
There, I’ll be OK now.

So let it be written; so let it be done!

Pluto, God of the Underworld.

p.s. Umm, you might also check with Satan, Persephone, oldscratch, let’s see, who else? Maybe Anthracite? But between us I’m sure we can arrange this somehow.

And right next to them is the place for the people who drive up to the McDonald’s order speaker and say “Give me a minute to look at the menu.”
^%$$^&&$#@@@#!!* Your 3 year old has the whole darned thing memorized and you have to READ “B-I-G-M-A-C” ?!

And right next to them the idiots that have to go straight in a right turn only lane.

Not to mention the people who take up more than one parking space per car…NOTHING makes me as immediately angry as those people!

Oh, and telemarketers, people who think it’s cute when their children shriek on airplanes, and advertising executives.

Or how about the nitheads who have to make a right-hand turn from the left lane to get to the exit you are just now passing.

I used to keep a running score on a white board at work:

TIC: Today’s Idiot Count
TAC: Today’s Asshole Count

I never did think of one for TOE, though.

Yes, telemarketers are really annoying. I’ll be just sitting down to dinner and suddenly the phone will ring.
Me: “No, I do not want to be life insurance for the colony of ants living in my yard. No, thank you. I’m really busy right now…Ok, thank you. Bye-bye.”

And then it ruins my appetite.
For about 2 minutes, anyway.

There Is A Very Special Place In Hell For Me. QED.

Phil Spector deserves a special place. I personally blame him for bop-rock and its retarded, airwave-stealing incarnations that led directly from Cher (as Bonnie Jo Mason) to Britney Spears.

I could be listening to King Crimson on the radio if it weren’t for you, you putz. I condemn you to Hell!

King Crimson.

Not to mention people who have their cruise control set at 66mph trying to pass three semis going 65mph.

Football stars who murder the mothers of their children.

Hitler, Mussolini, Goebbels et al.


If Hell is the only place where I can listen to King Crimson, you’d better carve out a place for me, too. But I probably already had one after that embarassing mortuary incident, anyway.

I’m aware that Hitler played for the Cleveland Browns during the '39-'40 season. If I remember correctly, he only averaged 3.1 yards per carry and was sidelined during the last half of the season with a dislocated toe. He hardly qualifies as a “star”.
However, for non-football-related reasons, he does qualify as an asshole.

A special place in hell, for all those that have hurt one of the women I love more than any human should have to deal with.

One is already dead.

One will die if I ever catch him.

The other will live in fear for the rest of his life… you’re welcome.
But still, hell awaits.

There’s a special place in hell for:

  1. Lesbians who tease straight guys.
  2. Straight guys who tease gay guys.
  3. Straight girls who tease lesbians.
  4. Gay guys who tease straight girls.

Thank you for your time. I hate all of you you vicious, vicious teases. sob

An extra-special place for customers who know that K-Mart closes at 10:00 but still have to come in at 9:55 and spend half-an-hour selecting three items.

Don’t forget to include anyone who writes computer virus code. I would send them there myself if I ever personally met somone who admitted to doing this.

People who call on the phone and ask, “who is this?” without identifying themselves first. As if you have the right to know who this is. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Total strangers who walk up to you on the street and ask you for a cigarette. Especially if you are drinking coffee and not smoking. I always say “I don’t smoke. I’m not that stupid.”

And people say smoking isn’t addictive?