Non Sequiturs

Even very small rocks tend to sink in water. However, if you hold a squirrel upside down by his tail, it won’t make him any happier. If you buy a loaf of bread, you can see for yourself.

Perpetual motion may be worth thinking about. It may even be worth trying to build. But after you succeed in getting one to work, what will you do with it? Maybe you could charge admission of $5 for folks to come see it. But you’d probably have to sell popcorn at $5 a box and soft drinks for $2 a cup to break even.

May as well just leave it alone since it’s impossible anyway.

My cat’s breath smells like a band name.

(for the Pit) Goddamnit, I’m sick and tired of these friggin’ chrome bumpers that add nothing to my lifestyle. I am NOT a hipster doofus! And forget about talking it over with my mother, the bitch, who thinks that because she died ten years ago, she has the right to run my life.

Can we just put Boondocks next to Doonesbury in the editorial page already? I mean, come on, haven’t you guys gotten enough angry letters from soccer moms yet? Are you trying to set a world record here?

Back when I was feeble-minded they used to wheel me out in the yard and leave me for days on end it seemed. I can remember things like the sun and all and there was a nice sprinkler in the yard, too. But I got over that and got a nice job. Now I don’t have a yard so I gave the sprinkler back.

So if a woodchuck can’t chuck wood, why the hell does Woody Woodpecker laugh like that? And if he laughs like that because of drugs what will the Villiage people think? Will they refrain from doing YMCA because of the sexual context or because of Bush’s Middle East stance? Either way the price of cable better not go up.

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Gila Monsters look like they’re wearing little black and yellow beaded suits…and inside their mouths looks wierd - like their tounge is lumpy or something. They also have a very poisonous bite.

pronunced - hee-la

You’d better believe I can make the 8 in the side pocket without touching a rail. It’s a simple masse’ shot with the crutch. Sure you can use the crutch as a cuestick. It’s in the Bible.

  1. Hi, Opal!
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  5. If you were reading this on a Star Trek -style computer, it would have exploded by now.

The latest forecast calls for widely scattered hurricanes in the northeast with drought conditions along the Mid-Atlantic coast. The threat of severe weather remains in effect until dark in most other areas. Friday has been cancelled.

The 10yr Treasury note is yielding 4.43%. Over 125 basis points higher than the low yield put in in June!

Damn, some of this is nearly poetry.

Ah, small children. If you could just bottle their energy. . . it would be declared a controlled substance within a week.

Did you ever consider how popcorn got discovered? Maybe they ran out of tobacco one night and decided to go for the old corncob pipe concept after swilling on some of that pumpkin wine, only they forgot to shuck the corn and it blew up on them. I bet they didn’t use butter on it though, unless it was buffalo butter.

I have at least three shirts that the tags in the back really irritate the back of my neck. Each time I wear them I think, “man when are you going to just take that damn tag off.” Then I forget about it by the end of the day and the cycle continues.

Oh ya and one pair of boxers that does the same thing.

if it wasn’t for my horse, i never would have spent that year in college.

If you’re trying to see a faint star but can’t quite make it out, if you’ll look just a little to the side of it its light will fall on the more sensitive area of your retina and it will become visible to you. The same technique works if you can’t quite remember something no matter how hard you work at it. Think of something off to the side of what you’re trying to remember, and it will most likely come back to you.

In the summer womens cloths are thinner so nipples are more easily seen, while in the winter the air is colder so nipples are usually harder which makes them more visible. huh?

Bottom line nipples are fun to look at no matter the season!

I realy need some new cookware. The pots I got last year are great but I just don’t have any good frying pans. Sigh…