My best Xmas present this year was a nose hair trimmer! Yeah, I know! I’m as amazed as you are! But I’m here to tell you that it has transformed my life. For a while now I’ve been suffering from a constantly itchy nose. I never gave it much thought, except for what a pain in the arse it was becoming to have this itchy damn nose all the time.
Then I opened one of my presents and it’s this bloody nose hair trimmer! I couldn’t believe it. It’s not like I have great tufts of hair sticking out my nose or anything. I admit I was a bit put out and I asked Mrs legion why she thought I needed a nose hair trimmer. She said she was sick and tired of me constantly rubbing my nose. This surprised me as I thought I had been pretty discrete in the old nose rubbing department. Apparently not. Apparently it had become quite a humorous topic among my family and friends. Some of them were even worried that I had developed a cocaine habit!
Anyway, the upshot is that I used the thing on Xmas day and wow! You know that noise you get when the garden strimmer hits a particularly thick patch of weeds or a trees root system? Well that’s what I heard when I stuck this thing up my nose! It scared the shit out of me! Nevertheless, I persevered and guess what? I haven’t had an itchy nose since! It’s been just over a month so I guess the nostril hairs are slow to grow back but I’ve got to tell you, that baby is on standby ready for the next trim up. If I could afford it, I’d buy the company.
I must say that I have suffered one disappointment though. Not the trimmers fault, the blame lies with Mrs legion. After trimming my nose hairs I didn’t want to stop there but unfortunately I don’t have a problem with shoulder, ear or eye brow hair. That’s when I had a great idea but the physics of it defeated me. You know how a mirror reverses things? Well what with that and trying to hold the mirror steady between my knees and not being as supple as I used to be I had to ask Mrs Legion for some help. But for some strange reason, she flatly refused to trim my butt hairs! And she’s the one always having a go at me for scratching my arse! I dunno, women!