I’ve employed similar measures with a high degree of success - never been bothered by JWs twice at the same address. They promise to come back at a later date and discuss my points, but somehow they never do. Perhaps Jehovah’s Witnesses are especially prone to some form of amnesia?
I do it quite simply.
I smile and say “No thanks,”
and before they can object or say anything I slam the door in their faces. The juxtposition of politness and rudeness seems to get the message across.
Hmmm. I’d pretty much decided that next time I meet up with a street preacher trying to convert me to his or her religion I’d try to start a discussion about the merits of Anglicanism with them. It sounds like it might work.
CJ
kingpengvin’s approach is simple and effective. It’s surprising that people get so wound up about this. Just say “No, I’m not interested.” End of discussion.
(Even a religious type deals with people from other religions.)
But is a religious person trying to show you the virtue of their belief any different than a political candidate doing the same? Or a salesperson trying to convince you their product is worth looking at?
I guessing the people who are harassing the OP are way out of line – I have zero (read 0) intent to defend them. However this statement bears a little comment:
“There’s other reasons why I find this door to door Jesus selling to be utterly offensive, though. First, I was taught that there were some subjects that one simply didn’t discuss with someone unless the person was a close friend, and you could be fairly certain of being able to discuss the subject without giving offense. Religion was A-#1 on the old hit parade of subjects. And finally, religion is an intensely private thing to me. I don’t care to explain nor should I have to discuss my religious beliefs if I don’t choose to do so. It’s no one else’s business what I believe or how.”
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I was also taught it was “bad manners” to mention politics, sex and religion. But not everywhere! I mean, we do it on the SDMB all the time, don’t we? The idea behind not mentioning religion is to avoid giving somebody unnecessary, unintentional offense, i.e. you don’t want to be the person who makes guests uncomfortable at dinner.
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Trust me, if people only listened to their close friends, few people would be converted. My close friends in high school couldn’t have cared less about religion. We never discussed it at all. The people who helped with my conversion (it took years!)weren’t doing it because they respected my right to remain ignorant!
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The “it’s no one else’s business” argument is one I heard from my mother (an extremely independent and liberated woman) since I was about 5. What I observed, as I came to know more about philosophy and American law, was that she was unable to give reasons why one sort of thing obviously is somebody else’s business, but other things (which very conveniently she didn’t want to hear about) were not. She’d rip off with phrases like “It’s a free country!” and “No one can tell me what to do!”
Eventually, I realized she was just repeating catch phrases from various political parties, and had no insight into what were and were not normal social mechanisms to convince people of opinions.
As far as getting rid of these folks, I’d definitely put up a sign saying you sleep during the day. Somebody who ignores that is asking for a call from the police!
Just want to share my JW story. (Please don’t think me unkind or perverted, I checked with Mrs. Drollman for permission before I did this.)
Every week or so, 2 JW’s would show up at the door We’d be polite but decline. One of the JW’s was an attractive young woman. I shared my plan with Mrs. D, she said “Try it.” and this is what happened: The JW’s came to our door. They said the usual shpeel and handed me a copy of “The Watchtower.” I looked the young woman right in the tits and said: “Y’know, you got a nice set of yavvo’s on you.” They blustered, blushed, left and have not been on our doors step in over 4 years now.
Drollman! Over 200 posts with a spelling mistake!
From the OP it’s not exactly clear whether you’ve told them you work nights and cannot be disturbed during the day. Your repeated expressions of disinterest obviously aren’t getting through to these people - sounds like you’re being WAY too polite. It’s very nice of you, but it obviously isn’t working. Their mindset seems to be rather like a hopeful two year old testing the parental boundaries. “It wasn’t okay yesterday… maybe it’s okay today?!” As has been pointed out, you are going to have to get real obvious about how you feel. I’d go with being formal and firm to start with. If that didn’t work, then I’d feel justified getting weird and offensive.
I had some folks come to the door one day when I was working in the studio. I had just put down a lovely imprimatura of alizarin and cadmium red - a good, bloody color, nice and vibrant. Large canvas, plenty of turps, much slopping about. I was cleaning my palette. It’s glass, so I do this with a single-edged razor. I was annoyed to be interrupted in my work and wanted to get rid of them as quickly as possible (I could see through the window who it was), so I just answered the door and said I wasn’t interested. The expressions as they gazed at my bloody-looking hands holding the razor were priceless. I wish I could have run with it, but I didn’t have time.
From the OP it’s not exactly clear whether you’ve told them you work nights and cannot be disturbed during the day. Your repeated expressions of disinterest obviously aren’t getting through to these people - sounds like you’re being WAY too polite. It’s very nice of you, but it obviously isn’t working. Their mindset seems to be rather like a hopeful two year old testing the parental boundaries. “It wasn’t okay yesterday… maybe it’s okay today?!” As has been pointed out, you are going to have to get real obvious about how you feel. I’d go with being formal and firm to start with. If that didn’t work, then I’d feel justified getting weird and offensive.
I had some folks come to the door one day when I was working in the studio. I had just put down a lovely imprimatura of alizarin and cadmium red - a good, bloody color, nice and vibrant. Large canvas, plenty of turps, much slopping about. I was cleaning my palette. It’s glass, so I do this with a single-edged razor. I was annoyed to be interrupted in my work and wanted to get rid of them as quickly as possible (I could see through the window who it was), so I just answered the door and said I wasn’t interested. The expressions as they gazed at my bloody-looking hands holding the razor were priceless. I wish I could have run with it, but I didn’t have time.
I’ve decided that if I ever answer the door to such people, I will proceed to scare the heejeebies out of them. A few weeks ago a couple of them visited our house, but I was in the shower at the time, so my mom talked to them instead. Next time I’ll come to the door with broom, cauldron, and athame in hand, asking them politely if they’d like some lemonade. I’ll then proceed to tell them about Wicca until they get fed up and leave. Or I could just go goth and talk in a creepy voice about how I secretly love to drink blood or something. Yay?
#1-Turnabout
Jack Chick is often mentioned on this board. Get a stack of his tracts and keep them by your door. When the missionary shows up, preach back. Be passionate, yet polite. Let them know that Satan has deceived them. Try and guide them to the One True Church.
#2-Your New Friends: Fear And Disgust
Explain, as politely as possible, that you'd love to talk to them. Normally, you'd invite them in for a long chat. But you have to return the video camera tommorow and you finally got the leather harness on the dog. As a good host, realise that your caller may be interested as well. Invite them to join in. They, polite in turn, will decline your offer. But insist, extoll the pleasures of man beast love.
#3-Props
I have a bat in a jar of formaldehyde and a marvelous wavy-bladed dagger. The props should be displayed casually, as if they happened to be in your hands when you heard the doorbell. Explain that you DO believe Jesus is the son of God. Go on to explain that Satan is the true ruler of the universe. Cite current events as proof of this.
#4-Blasphemy
When all else fails, say that you HAVE accepted Jesus into your heart. As well as many other body parts. Describe how Jesus appeared to you. Then describe, in explicit detail, the sexual acts he engaged in with you.
#5-Unburden Yourself
Ask them if you can confide in them. When they say yes, reveal the cause of your strife. Despite all your prayers, God has not allowed you to achieve your dream. Don’t say what that dream is. Make the missionary coax it out of you. Then watch their joy turn to hororr as you unravel your dearest fanatasy-wild sex with a door to door missionary on pillows stuffed with torn Bible pages. Tell them, that they don’t have to be shy. Compliment them on various physical attributes. Take one of their pamphlets and begin to carress and kiss it in a suugestive manner.
Earlier in the post Lionors says that her neighbors “All have children who socialize with my husband’s.”
I’m really enjoying all these techniques. I’m almost sad that I never get any people coming by.
Regarding the regular invitations to the kids to come to church, I would vaguely suggest that that’s somehow, I don’t know, weird and unwholesome about that. Make it vague enough to scare them, but not to accuse them outright. In this day and age, that should be that.
Regarding the daytime awakenings, a few tears and a desperate plea to let you sleep since you work nights really should work. Don’t forget the tears though.
If you’re serious and don’t mind compromising your spiritual integrity, you could try giving them the impression you don’t need converting. A strategically placed doormat that says something nice about Jesus might work, although they would have to get pretty close to your door to read it. Perhaps a large cross sticker on the window would do it.
Another thing that might work is a mezzuzah. Many evangelical Christians don’t bother with Jews, although it’s not a sure thing by any means.
Hmmm, which could end up meaning ‘burglars please tread lightly’ I think a better idea is a sign saying ‘no unsolicited callers’ (or similar).
Caricci already said what I was going to say, but I wouldn’t be nearly as nice about it.
Suspiciously: “Why would you want to have my kids without me around?”
Let them sputter…
Then: “You are not to have contact with my children. Don’t make me call the police.”
Not likely.
A bunch of Baptists came. I’m Jewish, (though an atheist now) and I politely told them I was Jewish and so wasn’t interested. Then they started on how I needed Jeezus - and I immediately went into a carefully controlled fit about how Christians had killed my ancestors for thousands of years, etc. etc. They left in a hurry, sure I was about to punch their lights out.
Second, a few JWs came to the door. I smiled and said that this was a devout atheist household. They fled in terror.
Neither have ever returned. I must be on some sort of religious blacklist. Too bad, the next time I was going to preach evolution.
My wife politely asked the JWs four years ago to “remove us from the list”. We haven’t had a visit since. I was somewhat disappointed because an aquantance of mine advised me that he enjoyed their visits because it gave him the opportunity to play games with them. specifically he would address difficult questions to the “trainee” member of the duo resulting in visible discomfort to the senior member. Well I never got to try that approach myself.
Poly, Isn’t “Apostolic Succession” unique to the Catholic Church? 
You know, I knew, if anyone could come up with creative, effective, yet nonprosecutable ways to discourage these people, it would be the Dopers. I am in awe of your collective genius. [Not, mind you, that I am surprised that such is the case.]
To answer a few of the questions and clarify the position to some degree, here goes.
[ul]
[li] Each person doing this has been informed on multiple occasions that I work nights and sleep days. I am not certain if they ignore this because a) sometimes I do have to run out and do errands before I go to bed [thus, being out in the early a.m. of the day] b) they, like a surprising number of others, somehow think that if you work at night, you have the day free [not unlike the people who think that if you work at home, you’re not doing something that can’t be interrupted], or c) they’re just rude bastards. But yes, they all know.[/li]
[li] Unfortunately, they are not total strangers. While neither my husband nor I wish to socialize with them, their kids aren’t bad, and I don’t mind the youngest playing with them. He doesn’t make friends easily, and he’s never gotten to live in a neighborhood with friends around. I’d hate to rain on his parade, or do anything which would so offend them that they won’t let the kids play together [or even worse, call CPA on us.] Thus, why I have not treated them to a more scathing verbal attack, especially since I have to strongly curb the tendency to be a vicious bitch royale when I first wake up, especially if it’s morning. [/li]
[li] Yes, Eve, ‘the dear children’ is a direct quote. Add enough sugar to the tone to send a hypoglycemic into hyperglycemic shock, and you’ve got the idea. Nasty, nasty, nasty. [Note: Actually, if she was of a different religion other than Southern Baptist, I’d encourage him to go. I do feel he needs exposure to some different religions, and no better way to be able to make an informed decision than by attending services elsewhere. However, he already attends a Southern Baptist church with his mother, so there’s really no benefit to be gained in coercing him to go when he prefers not to. Sunday is the only day we all get together as a family, and he’d rather be around for whatever we’re going to do. And yes, she knows he attends a Baptist church with his mother.][/li]
[li] The ‘no religious soliciting’ sign is a great idea [although I rather liked the pictograph. I’m sure they can figure out pictures, at least.]. We have been looking for something of the sort, but all we’ve found so far is simply the general ‘no soliciting’. We may just have to go to an engraving shop and get a small brass tag engraved and screw it onto the side of the house above the bell, though. [/li]
[li] MsRobyn, even though it’s been some years since I quit smoking, I wouldn’t quite trust myself with an unlit cigarette first thing in the morning, especially under such circumstances. The beer, OTOH, is definitely an idea. We’ve also still got our old AD&D guides and manuals about. I could definitely take one of those to the door, too. Hmmm…[/li]
[li] Why do I find it to be rude when someone comes to my door and demands to discuss religion with me, when I don’t find it to be rude to discuss it on the SDMB? Should be obvious. The SDMB is a discussion board. By entering and registering, people are giving their consent to participate in round-table discussions. I can choose not to post in a discussion I feel is too personal; so can they. Quite a bit different than being braced on your own personal property. Moreover, it’s simply plain rude to march up to a relative stranger’s door, wake them up and invite yourself in, period, even if all you wanted to talk about was the weather. The topic these people are choosing exacerbates the pre-existing problem.[/li]
[li] What is the difference in the types of solicitors, and how I do treat them? Easy also. Politicians are basically applying for a job and asking me to review their qualifications. [Actually, I generally have quite a bit of fun grilling local candidates, since my husband works for the city and passes on lots of grist for a good interrogation.] I buy from scouting or school fundraisers because it’s returning a favor, since my husband’s kids go out and hawk stuff for their band and other parents buy their stuff. [And, it should be noted that neither political candidates NOR the kids wake me up to do these things.] I don’t buy anything else from door to door solicitors, particularly if it entails some sort of work project; too much possibility of being taken by a con artist. Religious solicitors, OTOH, are at my door because they assume that because I do not attend their church, I have not made an informed choice as to my religion, when in fact, that is not the case. I have made this choice, it is a choice I take comfort in and gain spiritual strength from, and I do not care to be converted, saved, redeemed, Raptured, or turned in for a Dead Sea Scroll Magic Decoder Ring with an appropriate number of boxtops. However, Partly_Warmer, if you’d like to debate just why a bit further, please feel free to open up another thread and let me know where – it’ll be great practice for me in case I do decide to do my 3 a.m. presentation. :D[/li][/ul]
Whew. Hope that catches things up.
I love the ideas presented thus far. I am saving several for use on appropriate individuals. [Although, given the fact that the JW’s and Mormons seem to be an endangered species in our neck of the woods, I almost hate to take aim on them. Unless, of course, they wake me up.]
However, given that I’d like my stepson to still be able to play with his friends, I’m looking for an avenue that will not only give me a bit of revenge and make them go away, but which is also so subtle that they’ll scratch their heads and say to themselves, “Is she for real, or did she just give us a big mind-fuck with one very large and unlubricated strap-on dildo?”
Although, some of those suggestions are incredibly tempting. My stepson had better appreciate my restraint.
I get attacked–whoops, approached on the street a lot. The first time they mention a Bible verse with “men” in it, I say “Why does that apply to me? I’m a woman.” When they say “Well, men means men and women,” I cite them for lying. I point out that men has never in history included women, and that is the biggest lie religions tell.
I also cite them for referring to “God” as “he,” which is also incorrect. All you have to do is bring feminism into Christianity.
As fun as this all is, can I ask whether people feel the same way about political candidates (who aren’t obnoxious)?
I ask because I’ve run for election twice now, and door-to-door is essential but I always feel weird about it. I have to do it in two stages (1 - getting the signatures for my candidacy act; 2 - actual campaigning).
I try to come when most people are up, and not at dinnertime either, and I only call once. And of course this is during an election campaign, when I think it would be reasonable to expect to hear from your candidate.
Only a few people have ever seemed irritated; indeed, a fair number of people have rather extended conversations with me.
(Then, of course, there was the Jehovah’s Witness, whom I’m sure you all remember.)
Opinions?
When I lived in L.A., where JW’s could be spotted a block away on a weekly basis (the suits, the little kids brought along, the small briefcases, the smell), I had a permanent sign on my door, “Jehovah’s Witnesses not welcome.” It usually worked. But if they caught me in the front yard, I would impersonate Jesus, tell them to bow down to their Lord, saying, “You didn’t recognize me the last time, either!” Or play the devil, spouting obscenities.
They thought I was crazy, and promised to pray for me, but backed off. Exactly my plan, although I doubt if the praying had much effect; I’m still crazy.