So… I mean… do you ever, I mean ever, think about anything else? The ending of The Sopranos? Global warming? Puppies? Because from here it seems like you spend 100% of your waking hours, even those where you’re nominally doing other things, thinking about how angry you are about anything people do that may relate to your disability. That’s kind of depressing for me to think about, just sayin’. Ever consider you may be happier otherwise?
I was italicizing it because he misspelled “competent”, a word you really don’t want to misspell when talking about how “competent” you are. Sheesh.
FWIW, I wanted to make a post about an issue involving one of my friends, who has taken to parking in handicapped spots not because she’s handicapped, but because they have more loading room for her twins’ stroller; she’s afraid if she parks the stroller to the rear of her car while she retrieves each child individually, someone will run it over. With all the other threads going around that are dominated by one person, though, probably not.
Doesn’t that chip on your shoulder get awfully heavy?
How does he get it through the door, is the real question!
Without help from anyone, damnit!
(Sorry, I’m really not participating in the pile-on, I just couldn’t resist the opening.)
[QUOTE=Hello Again]
Did you read your link?
(I’ll summarize for those who didn’t: “Intent” is bullshit!! The only thing that matters is my subjective experience of what you say!!!~!~!eleventy).
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And that line of thinking is why my ex-wife is my ex and we’re both happier for it. It didn’t matter to her what my intent was when I said/did something, it was all about how it made her feel. When I would try to explain that that was not my intent, she would counter with the annoying chestnut “Now you’re trying to tell me how I feel is wrong?! Feelings can’t be wrong; they’re feelings! They’re how you feel!”
The thing I learned from that is the only thing worse than trying to explain your intent is trying to play the feelings game back by saying something along the lines of, “And how do you think I feel about you taking my intentions the wrong way?” That would just lead to the retort of “well that won’t change how I feel! I can’t believe you can’t see how bad that made me feel!”
This thread and the other related ones are giving me a, um, feeling of deja vu.
Heh. Jamie’s wheelchair is everybody’s ex.
[QUOTE=Acsenray]
Heh. Jamie’s wheelchair is everybody’s ex.
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That chair gets around!
I think its far far more complicated than that.
I get a lot of unwanted, obtrusive and patronizing attention as a female when I’m in high heels and a short skirt. People think its flattering and flirty. When I’m in “mom shorts” pushing a stroller - its usually other mothers who go out of their way (and yes, out of their way - and that attention was wanted) to help me open doors with a big stroller and all the kid stuff.
With people with disabilities (and, I think, with minorities) there is the added “guilt of privilege” A person who believes themselves fortunate to be able bodied (or white) feels that they MUST do something to help those less fortunate. It isn’t about the less fortunate - its about the privileged person assuaging their guilt.
I have a friend who is so full of “privilege guilt” that he drives me nuts with his patronizing do gooding for the oppressed. White, male, able bodied and straight, there isn’t an underdog he isn’t willing to fight for. And quite a few times he has gotten ‘corrected’ for being so patronizing as to tell me how I should feel being oppressed as a woman.
…
[Moderator Note]The next personal jab at any member in this thread will result in an official warning. This is not The BBQ Pit.[Moderator Note]
Just because we didn’t all run in here saying ‘Oh, you poor dear!’ does not mean we need an education. Some folks just disagreed. Others, me included, offered some rather insightful and respectful alternative points of view. Those would be the ones you chose not to acknowledge. If you’re approach to ‘educating’ folks is deemed abrasive and coming from someone with a chip on their shoulder, resulting in some of the replies here, then IMO you have the wrong attitude to come off as an ambassador for the disabled, and would suggest before the teacher tries to educate anyone else, he first educate himself.
Jamie, I ran across a sentence in another context that I think applies here, or at least that I think maybe it might help you to think about.
You cannot hate people for their own good.
When you tell stories like the one in the OP, you sound hateful. And I can see how being subjected to that behavior, day in and day out, would be hateful. But you can’t cast it as “I’m bringing enlightenment to the masses” when you come to a different space to talk about it, because what it really sounds like is, “You are all idiots, and I hate you, and I’m here to make you better for your own good.” If you just came in and said, “Man, this guy was such a dick to me today! Let me tell you the story!” it would probably be cathartic for you, and you would get a lot of people agreeing that he was a dick (and a few disagreeing, because the people at this site can’t agree that the sun rises in the east). Anyone who has done the same thing and is actually in a mental state where change is possible would probably internally say, “Wow, I wonder if I’ve ever done that dick thing? I’d better not do it again!” But wagging your finger at them or introducing it with “this is a teaching opportunity for you all” just makes them resolved that they have not done anything wrong.
“The delivery shouldn’t detract from the message” is not possible according to current laws of universal social interaction. You need to decide whether punishing people on a messageboard is or isn’t more important than effectively communicating your message.
The only message I’m getting is that you are mad-angry at everyone. I can appreciate that there’s a genuine message buried in there somewhere, but I’d - with respect - suggest that you are not a good candidate for delivering that message.
Possibly on account of being - your own words (as a note to the mods - not my words) “an abrasive asshole”. An abrasive asshole makes a poor messenger, and usually achieves the opposite effect to what they desire.
In your case, you have achieved the opposite effect. You haven’t made me think “Oh, my, I should rethink how I view disabled people”; you’ve made me think “Oh, my, disabled people are assholes!” (Again, your words).
I’m intellectually aware enough, fortunately, to comprehend that you are not representative of all disabled people, and thus will not carry that response over to other disabled people I should happen to interact with in my daily life. But that’s just me.
Wow. That’s really a thing for me to think about, thank you.
I was careless in using “abrasive asshole” without some sort of additional, i don’t know, emoticon or some language or something. Things get so easily lost in translation with the written word. I used the term I used with a fair amount of tongue-in-cheek sarcasm. I was trying to make the point that I am the person that I am seperate from the wheelchair and I have always had those personality traits. I am not literally an asshole. I CAN be abrasive in my moments of weakness, moments of anger and frustration but that trait doesn’t define me. Just like everyone here has problematic/less-than-desirable personality traits, so do I. Mine have just been on display a little bit more here. But please don’t jump on an absent-minded, hurried reply.
um, okay.
In my experience people who self reference as assholes, wryly, humorously, cynically, or otherwise, are accurate. They usually are assholes. I’m just saying, that’s been my experience.
Define “east.”
Besides, the sun doesn’t actually rise; the earth rotates.
[Moderator Warning]Infraction for failure to follow moderator instruction given in post #191.[/Moderator Warning]